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other fact that girls--all of them--were obviously stubborn and
self-preservative, always setting themselves apart from and even
above the average man and so wishing to compel him to do a lot of
things for them without their wishing to do anything in return.
And had not Ratterer always told him that in so far as girls were
concerned he was more or less of a fool--too easy--too eager to
show his hand and let them know that he was struck on them.
Whereas, as Ratterer had explained, Clyde possessed the looks--the
"goods"--and why should he always be trailing after girls unless
they wanted him very much. And this thought and compliment had
impressed him very much at that time. Only because of the fiascos
in connection with Hortense and Rita he was more earnest now. Yet
here he was again in danger of repeating or bringing upon himself
what had befallen him in the case of Hortense and Rita.
At the same time he was not without the self-incriminating thought
that in seeking this, most distinctly he was driving toward a
relationship which was not legitimate and that would prove
dangerous in the future. For, as he now darkly and vaguely
thought, if he sought a relationship which her prejudices and her
training would not permit her to look upon as anything but evil,
was he not thereby establishing in some form a claim on her part to
some consideration from him in the future which it might not be so
easy for him to ignore? For after all he was the aggressor--not
she. And because of this, and whatever might follow in connection
with it, might not she be in a position to demand more from him
than he might be willing to give? For was it his intention to
marry her? In the back of his mind there lurked something which
even now assured him that he would never desire to marry her--could
not in the face of his high family connections here. Therefore
should he proceed to demand--or should he not? And if he did,
could he avoid that which would preclude any claim in the future?
He did not thus so distinctly voice his inmost feelings to himself,
but relatively of such was their nature. Yet so great was the
temperamental and physical enticement of Roberta that in spite of a
warning nudge or mood that seemed to hint that it was dangerous for
him to persist in his demand, he kept saying to himself that unless
she would permit him to her room, he would not have anything more
to do with her, the desire for her being all but overpowering.
This contest which every primary union between the sexes, whether
with or without marriage implies, was fought out the next day in
the factory. And yet without a word on either side. For Clyde,
although he considered himself to be deeply in love with Roberta,
was still not so deeply involved but that a naturally selfish and
ambitious and seeking disposition would in this instance stand its
ground and master any impulse. And he was determined to take the
attitude of one who had been injured and was determined not to be
friends any more or yield in any way unless some concession on her
part, such as would appease him, was made.
And in consequence he came into the stamping department that
morning with the face and air of one who was vastly preoccupied
with matters which had little, if anything, to do with what had
occurred the night before. Yet, being far from certain that this
attitude on his part was likely to lead to anything but defeat, he
was inwardly depressed and awry. For, after all, the sight of
Roberta, freshly arrived, and although pale and distrait, as
charming and energetic as ever, was not calculated to assure him of
any immediate or even ultimate victory. And knowing her as well as
he thought he did, by now, he was but weakly sustained by the
thought that she might yield.
He looked at her repeatedly when she was not looking. And when in
turn she looked at him repeatedly, but only at first when he was
not looking, later when she felt satisfied that his eyes, whether
directly bent on her or not, must be encompassing her, still no
trace of recognition could she extract. And now to her bitter
disappointment, not only did he choose to ignore her, but quite for
the first time since they had been so interested in each other, he
professed to pay, if not exactly conspicuous at least noticeable
and intentional attention to those other girls who were always so
interested in him and who always, as she had been constantly
imagining, were but waiting for any slight overture on his part, to
yield themselves to him in any way that he might dictate.
Now he was looking over the shoulder of Ruza Nikoforitch, her plump
face with its snub nose and weak chin turned engagingly toward him,
and he commenting on something not particularly connected with the
work in hand apparently, for both were idly smiling. Again, in a
little while, he was by the side of Martha Bordaloue, her plump
French shoulders and arms bare to the pits next to his. And for
all her fleshy solidity and decidedly foreign flavor, there was
still enough about her which most men would like. And with her
Clyde was attempting to jest, too.
And later it was Flora Brandt, the very sensuous and not unpleasing
American girl whom Roberta had seen Clyde cultivating from time to
time. Yet, even so, she had never been willing to believe that he
might become interested in any of these. Not Clyde, surely.
And yet he could not see her at all now--could not find time to say
a single word, although all these pleasant words and gay looks for
all these others. Oh, how bitter! Oh, how cruel! And how utterly
she despised those other girls with their oglings and their open
attempts to take him from her. Oh, how terrible. Surely he must
be very opposed to her now--otherwise he could not do this, and
especially after all that had been between them--the love--the
kisses.
The hours dragged for both, and with as much poignance for Clyde as
for Roberta. For his was a feverish, urgent disposition where
his dreams were concerned, and could ill brook the delay or
disappointments that are the chief and outstanding characteristics
of the ambitions of men, whatever their nature. He was tortured
hourly by the thought that he was to lose Roberta or that to win her
back he would have to succumb to her wishes.
And on her part she was torn, not so much by the question as to
whether she would have to yield in this matter (for by now that was
almost the least of her worries), but whether, once so yielding,
Clyde would be satisfied with just some form of guarded social
contact in the room--or not. And so continue on the strength of
that to be friends with her. For more than this she would not
grant--never. And yet--this suspense. The misery of his
indifference. She could scarcely endure it from minute to minute,
let alone from hour to hour, and finally in an agony of
dissatisfaction with herself at having brought all this on herself,
she retired to the rest room at about three in the afternoon and
there with the aid of a piece of paper found on the floor and a
small bit of pencil which she had, she composed a brief note:
"Please, Clyde, don't be mad at me, will you? Please don't.
Please look at me and speak to me, won't you? I'm so sorry about
last night, really I am--terribly. And I must see you to-night at
the end of Elm Street at 8:30 if you can, will you? I have
something to tell you. Please do come. And please do look at me
and tell me you will, even though you are angry. You won't be
sorry. I love you so. You know I do.
"Your sorrowful,
"ROBERTA."
And in the spirit of one who is in agonized search for an opiate,
she folded up the paper and returning to the room, drew close to
Clyde's desk. He was before it at the time, bent over some slips.
And quickly as she passed she dropped the paper between his hands.
He looked up instantly, his dark eyes still hard at the moment with
the mingled pain and unrest and dissatisfaction and determination
that had been upon him all day, and noting Roberta's retreating
figure as well as the note, he at once relaxed, a wave of puzzled
satisfaction as well as delight instantly filled him. He opened it
and read. And as instantly his body was suffused with a warm and
yet very weakening ray.
And Roberta in turn, having reached her table and paused to note if
by any chance any one had observed her, now looked cautiously
about, a strained and nervous look in her eyes. But seeing Clyde
looking directly at her, his eyes filled with a conquering and yet
yielding light and a smile upon his lips, and his head nodding a
happy assent, she as suddenly experienced a dizzying sensation, as
though her hitherto constricted blood, detained by a constricted
heart and constricted nerves, were as suddenly set free. And all
the dry marshes and cracked and parched banks of her soul--the dry
rivulets and streams and lakes of misery that seemed to dot her
being--were as instantly flooded with this rich upwelling force of
life and love.
He would meet her. They would meet to-night. He would put his
arms around her and kiss her as before. She would be able to look
in his eyes. They would not quarrel any more--oh, never if she
could help it.
Chapter 22
The wonder and, delight of a new and more intimate form of contact,
of protest gainsaid, of scruples overcome! Days, when both, having
struggled in vain against the greater intimacy which each knew that
the other was desirous of yielding to, and eventually so yielding,
looked forward to the approaching night with an eagerness which was
as a fever embodying a fear. For with what qualms--what protests
on the part of Roberta; what determination, yet not without a sense
of evil--seduction--betrayal, on the part of Clyde. Yet the thing
once done, a wild convulsive pleasure motivating both. Yet, not
without, before all this, an exaction on the part of Roberta to the
effect that never--come what might (the natural consequences of so
wild an intimacy strong in her thoughts) would he desert her, since
without his aid she would be helpless. Yet, with no direct
statement as to marriage. And he, so completely overcome and
swayed by his desire, thoughtlessly protesting that he never would--
never. She might depend on that, at least, although even then
there was no thought in his mind of marriage. He would not do
that. Yet nights and nights--all scruples for the time being
abandoned, and however much by day Roberta might brood and condemn
herself--when each yielded to the other completely. And dreamed
thereafter, recklessly and wildly, of the joy of it--wishing from
day to day for the time being that the long day might end--that the
concealing, rewarding feverish night were at hand.
And Clyde feeling, and not unlike Roberta, who was firmly and even
painfully convinced of it, that this was sin--deadly, mortal--since
both his mother and father had so often emphasized that--the
seducer--adulterer--who preys outside the sacred precincts of
marriage. And Roberta, peering nervously into the blank future,
wondering what--how, in any case, by any chance, Clyde should
change, or fail her. Yet the night returning, her mood once more
veering, and she as well as he hurrying to meet somewhere--only
later, in the silence of the middle night, to slip into this
unlighted room which was proving so much more of a Paradise than
either might ever know again--so wild and unrecapturable is the
fever of youth.
And--at times--and despite all his other doubts and fears, Clyde,
because of this sudden abandonment by Roberta of herself to his
desires, feeling for the first time, really, in all his feverish
years, that at last he was a man of the world--one who was truly
beginning to know women. And so taking to himself an air or manner
that said as plainly as might have any words--"Behold I am no
longer the inexperienced, neglected simpleton of but a few weeks
ago, but an individual of import now--some one who knows something
about life. What have any of these strutting young men, and gay,
coaxing, flirting girls all about me, that I have not? And if I
chose--were less loyal than I am--what might I not do?" And this
was proving to him that the notion which Hortense Briggs, to say
nothing of the more recent fiasco in connection with Rita had
tended to build up in his mind, i.e.,--that he was either
unsuccessful or ill-fated where girls were concerned was false. He
was after all and despite various failures and inhibitions a youth
of the Don Juan or Lothario stripe.
And if now Roberta was obviously willing to sacrifice herself for
him in this fashion, must there not be others?
And this, in spite of the present indifference of the Griffiths,
caused him to walk with even more of an air than had hitherto
characterized him. Even though neither they nor any of those
connected with them recognized him, still he looked at himself in
his mirror from time to time with an assurance and admiration which
before this he had never possessed. For now Roberta, feeling that
her future was really dependent on his will and whim, had set
herself to flatter him almost constantly, to be as obliging and
convenient to him as possible. Indeed, according to her notion of
the proper order of life, she was now his and his only, as much as
any wife is ever to a husband, to do with as he wished.
And for a time therefore, Clyde forgot his rather neglected state
here and was content to devote himself to her without thinking much
of the future. The one thing that did trouble him at times was the
thought that possibly, in connection with the original fear she had
expressed to him, something might go wrong, which, considering her
exclusive devotion to him, might prove embarrassing. At the same
time he did not trouble to speculate too deeply as to that. He had
Roberta now. These relations, in so far as either of them could
see, or guess, were a dark secret. The pleasures of this left-
handed honeymoon were at full tide. And the remaining brisk and
often sunshiny and warm November and first December days passed--as
in a dream, really--an ecstatic paradise of sorts in the very
center of a humdrum conventional and petty and underpaid work-a-day
world.
In the meantime the Griffiths had been away from the city since the
middle of June and ever since their departure Clyde had been
meditating upon them and all they represented in his life and that
of the city. Their great house closed and silent, except for
gardeners and an occasional chauffeur or servant visible as he
walked from time to time past the place, was the same as a shrine
to him, nearly--the symbol of that height to which by some turn of
fate he might still hope to attain. For he had never quite been
able to expel from his mind the thought that his future must in
some way be identified with the grandeur that was here laid out
before him.
Yet so far as the movements of the Griffiths family and their
social peers outside Lycurgus were concerned, he knew little other
than that which from time to time he had read in the society
columns of the two local papers which almost obsequiously pictured
the comings and goings of all those who were connected with the
more important families of the city. At times, after reading these
accounts he had pictured to himself, even when he was off somewhere
with Roberta at some unheralded resort, Gilbert Griffiths racing in
his big car, Bella, Bertine and Sandra dancing, canoeing in the
moonlight, playing tennis, riding at some of the smart resorts
where they were reported to be. The thing had had a bite and ache
for him that was almost unendurable and had lit up for him at times
and with overwhelming clarity this connection of his with Roberta.
For after all, who was she? A factory girl! The daughter of
parents who lived and worked on a farm and one who was compelled to
work for her own living. Whereas he--he--if fortune would but
favor him a little--! Was this to be the end of all his dreams in
connection with his perspective superior life here?
So it was that at moments and in his darker moods, and especially
after she had abandoned herself to him, his thoughts ran. She was
not of his station, really--at least not of that of the Griffiths
to which still he most eagerly aspired. Yet at the same time,
whatever the mood generated by such items as he read in The Star,
he would still return to Roberta, picturing her, since the other
mood which had drawn him to her had by no means palled as yet, as
delightful, precious, exceedingly worthwhile from the point of view
of beauty, pleasure, sweetness--the attributes and charms which
best identify any object of delight.
But the Griffiths and their friends having returned to the city,
and Lycurgus once more taken on that brisk, industrial and social
mood which invariably characterized it for at least seven months in
the year, he was again, and even more vigorously than before,
intrigued by it. The beauty of the various houses along Wykeagy
Avenue and its immediate tributaries! The unusual and intriguing
sense of movement and life there so much in evidence. Oh, if he
were but of it!
Chapter 23
And then, one November evening as Clyde was walking along Wykeagy
Avenue, just west of Central, a portion of the locally celebrated
avenue which, ever since he had moved to Mrs. Peyton's he was
accustomed to traverse to and from his work, one thing did occur
which in so far as he and the Griffiths were concerned was destined
to bring about a chain of events which none of them could possibly
have foreseen. At the time there was in his heart and mind that
singing which is the inheritance of youth and ambition and which
the dying of the old year, instead of depressing, seemed but to
emphasize. He had a good position. He was respected here. Over
and above his room and board he had not less than fifteen dollars a
week to spend on himself and Roberta, an income which, while it did
not parallel that which had been derived from the Green-Davidson or
the Union League, was still not so involved with family miseries in
the one place or personal loneliness in the other. And he had
Roberta secretly devoted to him. And the Griffiths, thank
goodness, did not and should not know anything of that, though just
how in case of a difficulty it was to be avoided, he was not even
troubling to think. His was a disposition which did not tend to
load itself with more than the most immediate cares.
And although the Griffiths and their friends had not chosen to
recognize him socially, still more and more all others who were not
connected with local society and who knew of him, did. Only this
very day, because the spring before he had been made a room-chief,
perhaps, and Samuel Griffiths had recently paused and talked with
him, no less an important personage than Mr. Rudolph Smillie, one
of the several active vice-presidents, had asked him most cordially
and casually whether he played golf, and if so, when spring came
again, whether he might not be interested to join the Amoskeag, one
of the two really important golf clubs within a half dozen miles of
the city. Now, what could that mean, if not that Mr. Smillie was
beginning to see him as a social possibility, and that he as well
as many others about the factory, were becoming aware of him as
some one who was of some importance to the Griffiths, if not the
factory.
This thought, together with one other--that once more after dinner
he was to see Roberta and in her room as early as eleven o'clock or
even earlier--cheered him and caused him to step along most briskly
and gayly. For, since having indulged in this secret adventure so
many times, both were unconsciously becoming bolder. Not having
been detected to date, they were of the notion that it was possible
they might not be. Or if they were Clyde might be introduced as
her brother or cousin for the moment, anyhow, in order to avoid
immediate scandal. Later, to avoid danger of comment or subsequent
detection, as both had agreed after some discussion, Roberta might
have to move to some other place where the same routine was to be
repeated. But that would be easy, or at least better than no
freedom of contact. And with that Roberta had been compelled to
agree.
However, on this occasion there came a contact and an interruption
which set his thoughts careening in an entirely different
direction. Reaching the first of the more important houses of
Wykeagy Avenue, although he had not the slightest idea who lived
there, he was gazing interestedly at the high wrought-iron fence,
as well as the kempt lawn within, dimly illuminated by street
lamps, and upon the surface of which he could detect many heaps of
freshly fallen brown leaves being shaken and rolled by a winnowing
and gamboling wind. It was all so starkly severe, placid,
reserved, beautiful, as he saw it, that he was quite stirred by the
dignity and richness of it. And as he neared the central gate,
above which two lights were burning, making a circle of light about
it, a closed car of great size and solidity stopped directly in
front of it. And the chauffeur stepping down and opening the door,
Clyde instantly recognized Sondra Finchley leaning forward in the
car.
"Go around to the side entrance, David, and tell Miriam that I
can't wait for her because I'm going over to the Trumbulls for
dinner, but that I'll be back by nine. If she's not there, leave
this note and hurry, will you?" The voice and manner were of that
imperious and yet pleasing mode which had so intrigued him the
spring before.
At the same time seeing, as she thought, Gilbert Griffiths
approaching along the sidewalk, she called, "Oh, hello. Walking
to-night? If you want to wait a minute, you can ride out with me.
I've just sent David in with a note. He won't be long."
Now Sondra Finchley, despite the fact that she was interested in
Bella and the Griffiths' wealth and prestige in general was by no
means as well pleased with Gilbert. He had been indifferent to her
in the beginning when she had tried to cultivate him and he had
remained so. He had wounded her pride. And to her, who was
overflowing with vanity and self-conceit, this was the last
offense, and she could not forgive him. She could not and would
not brook the slightest trace of ego in another, and most
especially the vain, cold, self-centered person of Bella's brother.
He had too fine an opinion of himself, as she saw it, was one who
was too bursting with vanity to be of service to anyone. "Hmp!
That stick." It was so that she invariably thought of him. "Who
does he think he is anyhow? He certainly does think he's a lot
around here. You'd think he was a Rockefeller or a Morgan. And
for my part I can't see where he's a bit interesting--any more. I
like Bella. I think she's lovely. But that smarty. I guess he
would like to have a girl wait on him. Well, not for me." Such in
the main were the comments made by Sondra upon such reported acts
and words of Gilbert as were brought to her by others.
And for his part, Gilbert, hearing of the gyrations, airs, and
aspirations of Sondra from Bella from time to time, was accustomed
to remark: "What, that little snip! Who does she think she is
anyhow? If ever there was a conceited little nut!..."
However, so tightly were the social lines of Lycurgus drawn, so few
the truly eligibles, that it was almost necessary and compulsory
upon those "in" to make the best of such others as were "in." And
so it was that she now greeted Gilbert as she thought. And as she
moved over slightly from the door to make room for him, Clyde
almost petrified by this unexpected recognition, and quite shaken
out of his pose and self-contemplation, not being sure whether he
had heard aright, now approached, his manner the epitome almost of
a self-ingratiating and somewhat affectionate and wistful dog of
high breeding and fine temperament.
"Oh, good evening," he exclaimed, removing his cap and bowing.
"How are you?" while his mind was registering that this truly was
the beautiful, the exquisite Sondra whom months before he had met
at his uncle's, and concerning whose social activities during the
preceding summer he had been reading in the papers. And now here
she was as lovely as ever, seated in this beautiful car and
addressing him, apparently. However, Sondra on the instant
realizing that she had made a mistake and that it was not Gilbert,
was quite embarrassed and uncertain for the moment just how to
extricate herself from a situation which was a bit ticklish, to say
the least.
"Oh, pardon me, you're Mr. Clyde Griffiths, I see now. It's my
mistake. I thought you were Gilbert. I couldn't quite make you
out in the light." She had for the moment an embarrassed and
fidgety and halting manner, which Clyde noticed and which he saw
implied that she had made a mistake that was not entirely
flattering to him nor satisfactory to her. And this in turn caused
him to become confused and anxious to retire.
"Oh, pardon me. But that's all right. I didn't mean to intrude.
I thought..." He flushed and stepped back really troubled.
But now Sondra, seeing at once that Clyde was if anything much more
attractive than his cousin and far more diffident, and obviously
greatly impressed by her charms as well as her social state, unbent
sufficiently to say with a charming smile: "But that's all right.
Won't you get in, please, and let me take you where you are going.
Oh, I wish you would. I will be so glad to take you."
For there was that in Clyde's manner the instant he learned that it
was due to a mistake that he had been recognized which caused even
her to understand that he was hurt, abashed and disappointed. His
eyes took on a hurt look and there was a wavering, apologetic,
sorrowful smile playing about his lips.
"Why, yes, of course," he said jerkily, "that is, if you want me
to. I understand how it was. That's all right. But you needn't
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