"Then he put both his hands on my head to push me down and so he might see better and leaned all his weight on my head and went on shouting, 'Club them! that's it. Club them!
"'Club yourself, I said and I hit him hard where it would hurt him and it hurt him and he dropped his hands from my head and grabbed himself and said. No hay derecho, mujer. This, woman, you have no right to do. And in that moment, looking through the bars, I saw the hail full of men flailing away with clubs and striking with flails, and poking and striking and pushing and heaving against people with the white wooden pitchforks that now were red and with their tines broken, and this was going on all over the room while Pablo sat in the big chair with his shotgun on his knees, watching, and they were shouting and clubbing and stabbing and men were screaming as horses scream in a fire. And I saw the priest with his skirts tucked up scrambling over a bench and those after him were chopping at him with the sickles and the reaping hooks and then some one had hold of his robe and there was another scream and another scream and I saw two men chopping into his back with sickles while a third man held the skirt of his robe and the Priest's arms were up and he was clinging to the back of a chair and then the chair I was standing on broke and the drunkard and I were on the pavement that smelled of spilled wine and vomit and the drunkard was shaking his finger at me and saying, No hay derecho, mujer, no hay derecho. You could have done me an injury, and the people were trampling over us to get into the hall of the Ayuntamiento and all I could see was legs of people going in the doorway and the drunkard sitting there facing me and holding himself where I had hit him.
"That was the end of the killing of the fascists in our town and I was glad I did not see more of it and, but for that drunkard, I would have seen it all. So he served some good because in the Ayuntamiento it was a thing one is sorry to have seen.
"But the other drunkard was something rarer still. As we got up after the breaking of the chair, and the people were still crowding into the Ayuntamiento, I saw this drunkard of the square with his red-and-black scarf, again pouring something over Don Anastasio. He was shaking his head from side to side and it was very hard for him to sit up, but he was pouring and lighting matches and then pouring and lighting matches and I walked over to him and said, 'What are you doing, shameless?
" Nada, mujer, nada, he said. 'Let me alone.
"And perhaps because I was standing there so that my legs made a shelter from the wind, the match caught and a blue flame began to run up the shoulder of the coat of Don Anastasio and onto the back of his neck and the drunkard put his head up and shouted in a huge voice, 'They're burning the dead! They're burning the dead!
"'Who? somebody said.
"'Where? shouted some one else.
"'Here, bellowed the drunkard. 'Exactly here!
"Then some one hit the drunkard a great blow alongside the head with a flail and he fell back, and lying on the ground, he looked up at the man who had hit him and then shut his eyes and crossed his hands on his chest, and lay there beside Don Anastasio as though he were asleep. The man did not hit him again and he lay there and he was still there when they picked up Don Anastasio and put him with the others in the cart that hauled them all over to the cliff where they were thrown over that evening with the others after there had been a cleaning up in the Ayuntamiento. It would have been better for the town if they had thrown over twenty or thirty of the drunkards, especially those of the red-and-black scarves, and if we ever have another revolution I believe they should be destroyed at the start. But then we did not know this. But in the next days we were to learn.
"But that night we did not know what was to come. After the slaying in the Ayuntamiento there was no more killing but we could not have a meeting that night because there were too many drunkards. It was impossible to obtain order and so the meeting was postponed until the next day.
"That night I slept with Pablo. I should not say this to you, guapa, but on the other hand, it is good for you to know everything and at least what I tell you is true. Listen to this, Ingles. It is very curious.
"As I say, that night we ate and it was very curious. It was as after a storm or a flood or a battle and every one was tired and no one spoke much. I, myself, felt hollow and not well and I was full of shame and a sense of wrongdoing and I had a great feeling of oppression and of bad to come, as this morning after the planes. And certainly, bad came within three days.
"Pablo, when we ate, spoke little.
"'Did you like it, Pilar? he asked finally with his mouth full of roast young goat. We were eating at the inn from where the buses leave and the room was crowded and people were singing and there was difficulty serving.
"'No, I said. 'Except for Don Faustino, I did not like it.
"'I liked it, he said.
"'All of it? I asked him.
"'All of it, he said and cut himself a big piece of bread with his knife and commenced to mop up gravy with it. 'All of it, except the priest.
"'You didn't like it about the priest? because I knew he hated priests even worse than he hated fascists.
"'He was a disillusionment to me, Pablo said sadly.
"So many people were singing that we had to almost shout to hear one another.
"'Why?
"'He died very badly, Pablo said. 'He had very little dignity.
"'How did you want him to have dignity when he was being chased by the mob? I said. 'I thought he had much dignity all the time before. All the dignity that one could have.
"'Yes, Pablo said. 'But in the last minute he was frightened.
"'Who wouldn't be? I said. 'Did you see what they were chasing him with?
"'Why would I not see? Pablo said. 'But I find he died badly.
"'In such circumstances any one dies badly, I told him. 'What do you want for your money? Everything that happened in the Ayuntamiento was scabrous.
"'Yes, said Pablo. 'There was little organization. But a priest. He has an example to set.
"'I thought you hated priests.
"'Yes, said Pablo and cut some more bread. 'But a Spanish priest. A Spanish priest should die very well.
"'I think he died well enough, I said. 'Being deprived of all formality.
"'No, Pablo said. 'To me he was a great disillusionment. All day I had waited for the death of the priest. I had thought he would be the last to enter the lines. I awaited it with great anticipation. I expected something of a culmination. I had never seen a priest die.
"'There is time, I said to him sarcastically. 'Only today did the movement start.
"'No, he said. 'I am disillusioned.
"'Now, I said. 'I suppose you will lose your faith.
"'You do not understand, Pilai' he said. 'He was a Spanish priest.
"'What people the Spaniards are, I said to him. And what a people they are for pride, eh, Ingles? What a people."
"We must get on," Robert Jordan said. He looked at the sun. "It's nearly noon."
"Yes," Pilar said. "We will go now. But let me tell you about Pablo. That night he said to me, 'Pilar, tonight we will do nothing.
"'Good, I told him. 'That pleases me.
"'I think it would be bad taste after the killing of so many people.
" Que va, I told him. 'What a saint you are. You think I lived years with bullfighters not to know how they are after the Corrida?
"'Is it true, Pilar? he asked me.
"'When did I lie to you? I told him.
"'It is true, Pilar, I am a finished man this night. You do not reproach me?
"'No, hombre, I said to him. 'But don't kill people every day, Pablo.
"And he slept that night like a baby and I woke him in the morning at daylight but I could not sleep that night and I got up and sat in a chair and looked out of the window and I could see the square in the moonlight where the lines had been and across the square the trees shining in the moonlight, and the darkness of their shadows, and the benches bright too in the moonlight, and the scattered bottles shining, and beyond the edge of the cliff where they had all been thrown. And there was no sound but the splashing of the water in the fountain and I sat there and I thought we have begun badly.
"The window was open and up the square from the Fonda I could hear a woman crying. I went out on the balcony standing there in my bare feet on the iron and the moon shone on the faces of all the buildings of the square and the crying was coming from the balcony of the house of Don Guillermo. It was his wife and she was on the balcony kneeling and crying.
"Then I went back inside the room and I sat there and I did not wish to think for that was the worst day of my life until one other day."
"What was the other?" Maria asked.
"Three days later when the fascists took the town."
"Do not tell me about it," said Maria. "I do not want to hear it. This is enough. This was too much."
"I told you that you should not have listened," Pilar said. "See. I did not want you to hear it. Now you will have bad dreams."
"No," said Maria. "But I do not want to hear more."
"I wish you would tell me of it sometime," Robert Jordan said.
"I will," Pilar said. "But it is bad for Maria."
"I don't want to hear it," Maria said pitifully. "Please, Pilar. And do not tell it if I am there, for I might listen in spite of myself."
Her lips were working and Robert Jordan thought she would cry.
"Please, Pilar, do not tell it."
"Do not worry, little cropped head," Pilar said. "Do not worry. But I will tell the Ingles sometime."
"But I want to be there when he is there," Maria said. "Oh, Pilar, do not tell it at all."
"I will tell it when thou art working."
"No. No. Please. Let us not tell it at all," Maria said.
"It is only fair to tell it since I have told what we did," Pilar said. "But you shall never hear it."
"Are there no pleasant things to speak of?" Maria said. "Do we have to talk always of horrors?"
"This afternoon," Pilar said, "thou and Ingles. The two of you can speak of what you wish."
"Then that the afternoon should come," Maria said. "That it should come flying."
"It will come," Pilar told her. "It will come flying and go the same way and tomorrow will fly, too."
"This afternoon," Maria said. "This afternoon. That this afternoon should come."
As they came up, still deep in the shadow of the pines, after dropping down from the high meadow into the wooden valley and climbing up it on a trail that paralleled the stream and then left it to gain, steeply, the top of a rim-rock formation, a man with a carbine stepped out from behind a tree.
"Halt," he said. Then, "Hola, Pilar. Who is this with thee?"
"An Ingles," Pilar said. "But with a Christian name-Roberto. And what an obscenity of steepness it is to arrive here."
"Salud, Camarada," the guard said to Robert Jordan and put out his hand. "Are you well?"
"Yes," said Robert Jordan. "And thee?"
"Equally," the guard said. He was very young, with a light build, thin, rather hawk-nosed face, high cheekbones and gray eyes. He wore no hat, his hair was black and shaggy and his handclasp was strong and friendly. His eyes were friendly too.
"Hello, Maria," he said to the girl. "You did not tire yourself?"
"Que va, Joaquin," the girl said. "We have sat and talked more than we have walked."
"Are you the dynamiter?" Joaquin asked. "We have heard you were here."
"We passed the night at Pablo's," Robert Jordan said. "Yes, I am the dynamiter."
"We are glad to see you," Joaquin said. "Is it for a train?"
"Were you at the last train?" Robert Jordan asked and smiled.
"Was I not," Joaquin said. "That's where we got this," he grinned at Maria. "You are pretty now," he said to Maria. "Have they told thee how pretty?"
"Shut up, Joaquin, and thank you very much," Maria said. "You'd be pretty with a haircut."
"I carried thee," Joaquin told the girl. "I carried thee over my shoulder."
"As did many others," Pilar said in the deep voice. "Who didn't carry her? Where is the old man?"
"At the camp."
"Where was he last night?"
"In Segovia."
"Did he bring news?"
"Yes," Joaquin said, "there is news."
"Good or bad?"
"I believe bad."
"Did you see the planes?"
"Ay," said Joaquin and shook his head. "Don't talk to me of that. Comrade Dynamiter, what planes were those?"
"Heinkel one eleven bombers. Heinkel and Fiat pursuit," Robert Jordan told him.
"What were the big ones with the low wings?"
"Heinkel one elevens."
"By any names they are as bad," Joaquin said. "But I am delaying you. I will take you to the commander."
"The commander?" Pilar asked.
Joaquin nodded seriously. "I like it better than 'chief," he said. "It is more military."
"You are militarizing heavily," Pilar said and laughed at him.
"No," Joaquin said. "But I like military terms because it makes orders clearer and for better discipline."
"Here is one according to thy taste, Ingles," Pilar said. "A very serious boy."
"Should I carry thee?" Joaquin asked the girl and put his arm on her shoulder and smiled in her face.
"Once was enough," Maria told him. "Thank you just the same."
"Can you remember it?" Joaquin asked her.
"I can remember being carried," Maria said. "By you, no. I remember the gypsy because he dropped me so many times. But I thank thee, Joaquin, and I'll carry thee sometime."
"I can remember it well enough," Joaquin said. "I can remember holding thy two legs and thy belly was on my shoulder and thy head over my back and thy arms hanging down against my back."
"Thou hast much memory," Maria said and smiled at him. "I remember nothing of that. Neither thy arms nor thy shoulders nor thy back."
"Do you want to know something?" Joaquin asked her.
"What is it?"
"I was glad thou wert hanging over my back when the shots were coming from behind us."
"What a swine," Maria said. "And was it for this the gypsy too carried me so much?"
"For that and to hold onto thy legs."
"My heroes," Maria said. "My saviors."
"Listen, guapa," Pilar told her. "This boy carried thee much, and in that moment thy legs said nothing to any one. In that moment only the bullets talked clearly. And if he would have dropped thee he could soon have been out of range of the bullets."
"I have thanked him," Maria said. "And I will carry him sometime. Allow us to joke. I do not have to cry, do I, because he carried me?"
"I'd have dropped thee," Joaquin went on teasing her. "But I was afraid Pilar would shoot me."
"I shoot no one," Pilar said.
"No hace falta," Joaquin told her. "You don't need to. You scare them to death with your mouth."
"What a way to speak," Pilar told him. "And you used to be such a polite little boy. What did you do before the movement, little boy?"
"Very little," Joaquin said. "I was sixteen."
"But what, exactly?"
"A few pairs of shoes from time to time."
"Make them?"
"No. Shine them."
"Que va," said Pilar. "There is more to it than that." She looked at his brown face, his lithe build, his shock of hair, and the quick heel-and-toe way that he walked. "Why did you fail at it?"
"Fail at what?"
"What? You know what. You're growing the pigtail now."
"I guess it was fear," the boy said.
"You've a nice figure," Pilar told him. "But the face isn't much. So it was fear, was it? You were all right at the train."
"I have no fear of them now," the boy said. "None. And we have seen much worse things and more dangerous than the bulls. It is clear no bull is as dangerous as a machine gun. But if I were in the ring with one now I do not know if I could dominate my legs."
"He wanted to be a bullfighter," Pilar explained to Robert Jordan. "But he was afraid."
"Do you like the bulls, Comrade Dynamiter?" Joaquin grinned, showing white teeth.
"Very much," Robert Jordan said. "Very, very much."
"Have you seen them in Valladolid?" asked Joaquin.
"Yes. In September at the feria."
"That's my town," Joaquin said. "What a fine town but how the buena gente, the good people of that town, have suffered in this war." Then, his face grave, "There they shot my father. My mother. My brother-in-law and now my sister."
"What barbarians," Robert Jordan said.
How many times had he heard this? How many times had he watched people say it with difficulty? How many times had he seen their eyes fill and their throats harden with the difficulty of saying my father, or my brother, or my mother, or my sister? He could not remember how many times he had heard them mention their dead in this way. Nearly always they spoke as this boy did now; suddenly and apropos of the mention of the town and always you said, "What barbarians."
You only heard the statement of the loss. You did not see the father fall as Pilar made him see the fascists die in that story she had told by the stream. You knew the father died in some courtyard, or against some wall, or in some field or orchard, or at night, in the lights of a truck, beside some road. You had seen the lights of the car from the hills and heard the shooting and afterwards you had come down to the road and found the bodies. You did not see the mother shot, nor the sister, nor the brother. You heard about it; you heard the shots; and you saw the bodies.
Pilar had made him see it in that town.
If that woman could only write. He would try to write it and if he had luck and could remember it perhaps he could get it down as she told it. God, how she could tell a story. She's better than Quevedo, he thought. He never wrote the death of any Don Faustino as well as she told it. I wish I could write well enough to write that story, he thought. What we did. Not what the others did to us. He knew enough about that. He knew plenty about that behind the lines. But you had to have known the people before. You had to know what they had been in the village.
Because of our mobility and because we did not have to stay afterwards to take the punishment we never knew how anything really ended, he thought. You stayed with a peasant and his family. You came at night and ate with them. In the day you were hidden and the next night you were gone. You did your job and cleared out. The next time you came that way you heard that they had been shot. It was as simple as that.
But you were always gone when it happened. The partizans did their damage and pulled out. The peasants stayed and took the punishment. I've always known about the other, he thought. What we did to them at the start I've always known it and hated it and I have heard it mentioned shamelessly and shamefully, bragged of, boasted of, defended, explained and denied. But that damned woman made me see it as though I had been there.
Well, he thought, it is part of one's education. It will be quite an education when it's finished. You learn in this war if you listen. You most certainly did. He was lucky that he had lived parts of ten years ifl Spain before the war. They trusted you on the language, principally. They trusted you on understanding the language completely and speaking it idiomatically and having a knowledge of the different places. A Spaniard was only really loyal to his village in the end. First Spain of course, then his own tribe, then his province, then his village, his family and finally his trade. If you knew Spanish he was prejudiced in your favor, if you knew his province it was that much better, but if you knew his village and his trade you were in as far as any foreigner ever could be. He never felt like a foreigner in Spanish and they did not really treat him like a foreigner most of the time; only when they turned on you.
Of course they turned on you. They turned on you often but they always turned on every one. They turned on themselves, too. If you had three together, two would unite against one, and then the two would start to betray each other. Not always, but often enough for you to take enough cases and start to draw it as a conclusion.
This was no way to think; but who censored his thinking? Nobody but himself. He would not think himself into any defeatism. The first thing was to win the war. If we did not win the war everything was lost. But he noticed, and listened to, and remembered everything. He was serving in a war and he gave absolute loyalty and as complete a performance as he could give while he was serving. But nobody owned his mind, nor his faculties for seeing and hearing, and if he were going to form judgments he would form them afterwards. And there would be plenty of material to draw them from. There was plenty already. There was a little too much sometimes.
Look at the Pilar woman, he thought. No matter what comes, if there is time, I must make her tell me the rest of that story. Look at her walking along with those two kids. You could not get three better-looking products of Spain than those. She is like a mountain and the boy and the girl are like young trees. The old trees are all cut down and the young trees are growing clean like that. In spite of what has happened to the two of them they look as fresh and clean and new and untouched as though they had never heard of misfortune. But according to Pilar, Maria has just gotten sound again. She must have been in an awful shape.
He remembered a Belgian boy in the Eleventh Brigade who had enlisted with five other boys from his village. It was a village Of about two hundred people and the boy had never been away froni the village before. When he first saw the boy, out at Hans' Brigade Staff, the other five from the village had all been killed and the boy was in very bad shape and they were using him as an orderly to wait on table at the staff. He had a big, blond, ruddy Flemish face and huge awkward peasant hands and he moved, with the dishes, as powerfully and awkwardly as a draft horse. But he cried all the time. All during the meal he cried with no noise at all.
You looked up and there he was, crying. If you asked for the wine, he cried and if you passed your plate for stew, he cried; turning away his head. Then he would stop; but if you looked up at him, tears would start coming again. Between courses he cried in the kitchen. Every one was very gentle with him. But it did no good. He would have to find out what became of him and whether he ever cleared up and was fit for soldiering again.
Maria was sound enough now. She seemed so anyway. But he was no psychiatrist. Pilar was the psychiatrist. It probably had been good for them to have been together last night. Yes, unless it stopped. It certainly had been good for him. He felt fine today; sound and good and unworried and happy. The show looked bad enough but he was awfully lucky, too. He had been in others that announced themselves badly. Announced themselves; that was thinking in Spanish. Maria was lovely.
Look at her, he said to himself. Look at her.
He looked at her striding happily in the sun; her khaki shirt open at the neck. She walks like a colt moves, he thought. You do not run onto something like that. Such things don't happen. Maybe it never did happen, he thought. Maybe you dreamed it or made it up and it never did happen. Maybe it is like the dreams you have when some one you have seen in the cinema comes to your bed at night and is so kind and lovely. He'd slept with them all that way When he was asleep in bed. He could remember Garbo still, and Harlow. Yes, Harlow many times. Maybe it was like those dreams.
But he could still remember the time Garbo came to his bed the flight before the attack at Pozoblanco and she was wearing a soft silky wool sweater when he put his arm around her and when she leaned forward her hair swept forward and over his face and she said why had he never told her that he loved her when she had loved him all this time? She was not shy, nor cold, nor distant. She was just lovely to hold and kind and lovely and like the old days with Jack Gilbert and it was as true as though it happened and he loved her much more than Harlow though Garbo was only there once while Harlow-maybe this was like those dreams.
Maybe it isn't too, he said to himself. Maybe I could reach over and touch that Maria now, he said to himself. Maybe you are afraid to he said to himself. Maybe you would find out that it never happened and it was not true and it was something you made up like those dreams about the people of the cinema or how all your old girls come back and sleep in that robe at night on all the bare floors, in the straw of the haybarns, the stables, the corrales and the cortijos, the woods, the garages, the trucks and all the hills of Spain. They all came to that robe when he was asleep and they were all much nicer than they ever had been in life. Maybe it was like that. Maybe you would be afraid to touch her to see if it was true. Maybe you would, and probably it is something that you made up or that you dreamed.
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