I turned away, bending and searching the dirty snow for anything missed by my eyes, and my fingers closed upon something resting in a frozen footstep: a fragile paper, coming apart with age, written in black ink grown yellow. I read: FREE PAPERS. Be it known to all men that my negro, Primus Provo, has been freed by me this sixth day of August, 1859. Signed: John Samuels Macon... I folded it quickly, blotting out the single drop of melted snow which glistened on the yellowed page, and dropped it back into the drawer. My hands were trembling, my breath rasping as if I had run a long distance or come upon a coiled snake in a busy street. It has been longer than that, further removed in time, I told myself, and yet I knew that it hadn't been. I replaced the drawer in the chest and pushed drunkenly to the curb.
But it wouldn't come up, only a bitter spurt of gall filled my mouth and splattered the old folk's possessions. I turned and stared again at the jumble, no longer looking at what was before my eyes, but inwardly-outwardly, around a corner into the dark, far-away-and-long-ago, not so much of my own memory as of remembered words, of linked verbal echoes, images, heard even when not listening at home. And it was as though I myself was being dispossessed of some painful yet precious thing which I could not bear to lose; something confounding, like a rotted tooth that one would rather suffer indefinitely than endure the short, violent eruption of pain that would mark its removal. And with this sense of dispossession came a pang of vague recognition: this junk, these shabby chairs, these heavy, old-fashioned pressing irons, zinc wash tubs with dented bottoms—all throbbed within me with more meaning than there should have been: And why did I, standing in the crowd, see like a vision my mother hanging wash on a cold windy day, so cold that the warm clothes froze even before the vapor thinned and hung stiff on the line, and her hands white and raw in the skirt-swirling wind and her gray head bare to the darkened sky—why were they causing me discomfort so far beyond their intrinsic meaning as objects? And why did I see them now as behind a veil that threatened to lift, stirred by the cold wind in the narrow street?
A scream, "I'm going in!" spun me around. The old couple were on the steps now, the old man holding her arm, the white men leaning forward above, and the crowd pressing me closer to the steps.
"You can't go in, lady," the man said.
"I want to pray!" she said.
"I can't help it, lady. You'll have to do your praying out here."
"I'm go'n in!"
"Not in here!"
"All we want to do is go in and pray," she said, clutching her Bible. "It ain't right to pray in the street like this."
"I'm sorry," he said.
"Aw, let the woman go in to pray," a voice called from the crowd. "You got all their stuff out here on the walk—what more do you want, blood?"
"Sure, let them old folks pray."
"That's what's wrong with us now, all this damn praying," another voice called.
"You don't go back, see," the white man said. "You were legally evicted."
"But all we want to do is go in an' kneel on the floor," the old man said. "We been living right here for over twenty years. I don't see why you can't let us go just for a few minutes..."
"Look, I've told you," the man said. "I've got my orders. You're wasting my time."
"We're go'n in!" the woman said.
It happened so suddenly that I could barely keep up with it: I saw the old woman clutching her Bible and rushing up the steps, her husband behind her and the white man stepping in front of them and stretching out his arm. "I'll jug you," he yelled, "by God, I'll jug you!"
"Take your hands off that woman!" someone called from the crowd.
Then at the top of the stairs they were pushing against the man and I saw the old woman fall backwards, and the crowd exploded.
"Get that paddie sonofabitch!"
"He struck her!" a West Indian woman screamed into my ear. "The filthy brute, he struck her!"
"Stand back or I'll shoot," the man called, his eyes wild as he drew a gun and backed into the doorway where the two trusties stood bewildered, their arms full of articles. "I swear I'll shoot! You don't know what you're doing, but I'll shoot!"
They hesitated. "Ain't but six bullets in that thing," a little fellow called. "Then what you going to do?"
"Yeah, you damn sho caint hide."
"I advise you to stay out of this," the marshal called.
"Think you can come up here and hit one of our women, you a fool."
"To hell with all this talk, let's rush that bastard!"
"You better think twice," the white man called.
I saw them start up the steps and felt suddenly as though my head would split. I knew that they were about to attack the man and I was both afraid and angry, repelled and fascinated. I both wanted it and feared the consequences, was outraged and angered at what I saw and yet surged with fear; not for the man or of the consequences of an attack, but of what the sight of violence might release in me. And beneath it all there boiled up all the shock-absorbing phrases that I had learned all my life. I seemed to totter on the edge of a great dark hole.
"No, no," I heard myself yelling. "Black men! Brothers! Black Brothers! That's not the way. We're law-abiding. We're a law-abiding people and a slow-to-anger people."
Forcing my way quickly through the crowd, I stood on the steps facing those in front, talking rapidly without thought but out of my clashing emotions. "We're a law-abiding people and a slow-to-anger people..." They stopped, listening. Even the white man was startled.
"Yeah, but we mad now," a voice called out.
"Yes, you're right," I called back. "We're angry, but let us be wise. Let us, I mean let us not... Let us learn from that great leader whose wise action was reported in the newspaper the other day..."
"What, mahn? Who?" a West Indian voice shouted.
"Come on! To hell with this guy, let's get that paddie before they send him some help..."
"No, wait," I yelled. "Let's follow a leader, let's organize. Organize. We need someone like that wise leader, you read about him, down in Alabama. He was strong enough to choose to do the wise thing in spite of what he felt himself..."
"Who, mahn? Who?"
This was it, I thought, they're listening, eager to listen.
Nobody laughed. If they laugh, I'll die! I tensed my diaphragm.
"That wise man," I said, "you read about him, who when that fugitive escaped from the mob and ran to his school for protection, that wise man who was strong enough to do the legal thing, the law-abiding thing, to turn him over to the forces of law and order..."
"Yeah," a voice rang out, "yeah, so they could lynch his ass."
Oh, God, this wasn't it at all. Poor technique and not at all what I intended.
"He was a wise leader," I yelled. "He was within the law. Now wasn't that the wise thing to do?"
"Yeah, he was wise all right," the man laughed angrily. "Now get out of the way so we can jump this paddie."
The crowd yelled and I laughed in response as though hypnotized.
"But wasn't that the human thing to do? After all, he had to protect himself because —"
"He was a handkerchief-headed rat!" a woman screamed, her voice boiling with contempt.
"Yes, you're right. He was wise and cowardly, but what about us? What are we to do?" I yelled, suddenly thrilled by the response. "Look at him," I cried.
"Yes, just look at him!" an old fellow in a derby called out as though answering a preacher in church.
"And look at that old couple..."
"Yeah, what about Sister and Brother Provo?" he said. "It's an ungodly shame!"
"And look at their possessions all strewn there on the sidewalk. Just look at their possessions in the snow. How old are you, sir?" I yelled.
"I'm eighty-seven," the old man said, his voice low and bewildered.
"How's that? Yell so our slow-to-anger brethren can hear you."
"I'm eighty-seven years old!"
"Did you hear him? He's eighty-seven. Eighty-seven and look at all he's accumulated in eighty-seven years, strewn in the snow like chicken guts, and we're a law-abiding, slow-to-anger bunch of folks turning the other cheek every day in the week. What are we going to do? What would you, what would I, what would he have done? What is to be done? I propose we do the wise thing, the law-abiding thing. Just look at this junk! Should two old folks live in such junk, cooped up in a filthy room? It's a great danger, a fire hazard! Old cracked dishes and broken-down chairs. Yes, yes, yes! Look at that old woman, somebody's mother, somebody's grandmother, maybe. We call them 'Big Mama' and they spoil us and—you know, you remember... Look at her quilts and broken-down shoes. I know she's somebody's mother because I saw an old breast pump fall into the snow, and she's somebody's grandmother, because I saw a card that read 'Dear Grandma'... But we're law-abiding... I looked into a basket and I saw some bones, not neckbones, but rib bones, knocking bones... This old couple used to dance... I saw—What kind of work do you do, Father?" I called.
"I'm a day laborer..."
"... A day laborer, you heard him, but look at his stuff strewn like chitterlings in the snow... Where has all his labor gone? Is he lying?"
"Hell, no, he ain't lying."
"Naw, suh!"
"Then where did his labor go? Look at his old blues records and her pots of plants, they're down-home folks, and everything tossed out like junk whirled eighty-seven years in a cyclone. Eighty-seven years, and poof! like a snort in a windstorm. Look at them, they look like my mama and papa and my grandma and grandpa, and I look like you and you look like me. Look at them but remember that we're a wise, law-abiding group of people. And remember it when you look up there in the doorway at that law standing there with his forty-five. Look at him, standing with his blue steel pistol and his blue serge suit. Look at him! You don't see just one man dressed in one blue serge suit, or one forty-five, you see ten for every one of us, ten guns and ten warm suits and ten fat bellies and ten million laws. Laws, that's what we call them down South! Laws! And we're wise, and law-abiding. And look at this old woman with her dog-eared Bible. What's she trying to bring off here? She's let her religion go to her head, but we all know that religion is for the heart, not for the head. 'Blessed are the pure in heart,' it says. Nothing about the poor in head. What's she trying to do? What about the clear of head? And the clear of eye, the ice-water-visioned who see too clear to miss a lie? Look out there at her cabinet with its gaping drawers. Eighty-seven years to fill them, and full of brick and brack, a bric-a-brac, and she wants to break the law... What's happened to them? They're our people, your people and mine, your parents and mine. What's happened to 'em?"
"I'll tell you!" a heavyweight yelled, pushing out of the crowd, his face angry. "Hell, they been dispossessed, you crazy sonofabitch, get out the way!"
"Dispossessed?" I cried, holding up my hand and allowing the word to whistle from my throat. "That's a good word, 'Dispossessed'! 'Dispossessed,' eighty-seven years and dispossessed of what? They ain't got nothing, they caint get nothing, they never had nothing. So who was dispossessed?" I growled. "We're law-abiding. So who's being dispossessed? Can it be us? These old ones are out in the snow, but we're here with them. Look at their stuff, not a pit to hiss in, nor a window to shout the news and us right with them. Look at them, not a shack to pray in or an alley to sing the blues! They're facing a gun and we're facing it with them. They don't want the world, but only Jesus. They only want Jesus, just fifteen minutes of Jesus on the rug-bare floor... How about it, Mr. Law? Do we get our fifteen minutes worth of Jesus? You got the world, can we have our Jesus?"
"I got my orders, Mac," the man called, waving the pistol with a sneer. "You're doing all right, tell 'em to keep out of this. This is legal and I'll shoot if I have to..."
"But what about the prayer?"
"They don't go back!"
"Are you positive?"
"You could bet your life," he said.
"Look at him," I called to the angry crowd. "With his blue steel pistol and his blue serge suit. You heard him, he's the law. He says he'll shoot us down because we're a law-abiding people. So we've been dispossessed, and what's more, he thinks he's God. Look up there backed against the post with a criminal on either side of him. Can't you feel the cold wind, can't you hear it asking, 'What did you do with your heavy labor? What did you do?' When you look at all you haven't got in eighty-seven years you feel ashamed —"
"Tell 'em about it, brother," an old man interrupted. "It makes you feel you ain't a man."
"Yes, these old folks had a dream book, but the pages went blank and it failed to give them the number. It was called the Seeing Eye, The Great Constitutional Dream Book, The Secrets of Africa, The Wisdom of Egypt—but the eye was blind, it lost its luster. It's all cataracted like a cross-eyed carpenter and it doesn't saw straight. All we have is the Bible and this Law here rules that out. So where do we go? Where do we go from here, without a pot —"
"We going after that paddie," the heavyweight called, rushing up the steps.
Someone pushed me. "No, wait," I called.
"Get out the way now."
There was a rush against me and I fell, hearing a single explosion, backward into a whirl of milling legs, overshoes, the trampled snow cold on my hands. Another shot sounded above like a bursting bag. Managing to stand, I saw atop the steps the fist with the gun being forced into the air above the crowd's bobbing heads and the next instant they were dragging him down into the snow; punching him left and right, uttering a low tense swelling sound of desperate effort; a grunt that exploded into a thousand softly spat, hate-sizzling curses. I saw a woman striking with the pointed heel of her shoe, her face a blank mask with hollow black eyes as she aimed and struck, aimed and struck, bringing spurts of blood, running along beside the man who was dragged to his feet now as they punched him gauntlet-wise between them. Suddenly I saw a pair of handcuffs arc gleaming into the air and sail across the street. A boy broke out of the crowd, the marshal's snappy hat on his head. The marshal was spun this way and that, then a swift tattoo of blows started him down the street. I was beside myself with excitement. The crowd surged after him, milling like a huge man trying to turn in a cubbyhole—some of them laughing, some cursing, some intently silent.
"The brute struck that gentle woman, poor thing!" the West Indian woman chanted. "Black men, did you ever see such a brute? Is he a gentleman, I ask you? The brute! Give it back to him, black men. Repay the brute a thousandfold! Give it back to him unto the third and fourth generations. Strike him, our fine black men. Protect your black women! Repay the arrogant creature to the third and fourth generations!"
"We're dispossessed," I sang at the top of my voice, "dispossessed and we want to pray. Let's go in and pray. Let's have a big prayer meeting. But we'll need some chairs to sit in... rest upon as we kneel. We'll need some chairs!"
"Here's some chairs down here," a woman called from the walk. "How 'bout taking in some chairs?"
"Sure," I called, "take everything. Take it all, hide that junk! Put it back where it came from. It's blocking the street and the sidewalk, and that's against the law. We're law-abiding, so clear the street of the debris. Put it out of sight! Hide it, hide their shame! Hide our shame!
"Come on, men," I yelled, dashing down the steps and seizing a chair and starting back, no longer struggling against or thinking about the nature of my action. The others followed, picking up pieces of furniture and lugging them back into the building.
"We ought to done this long ago," a man said.
"We damn sho should."
"I feel so good," a woman said, "I feel so good!"
"Black men, I'm proud of you," the West Indian woman shrilled. "Proud!"
We rushed into the dark little apartment that smelled of stale cabbage and put the pieces down and returned for more. Men, women and children seized articles and dashed inside shouting, laughing. I looked for the two trusties, but they seemed to have disappeared. Then, coming down into the street, I thought I saw one. He was carrying a chair back inside.
"So you're law-abiding too," I called only to become aware that it was someone else. A white man but someone else altogether.
The man laughed at me and continued inside. And when I reached the street there were several of them, men and women, standing about, cheering whenever another piece of furniture was returned. It was like a holiday. I didn't want it to stop.
"Who are those people?" I called from the steps.
"What people?" someone called back.
"Those," I said, pointing.
"You mean those ofays?"
"Yes, what do they want?"
"We're friends of the people," one of the white men called.
"Friends of what people?" I called, prepared to jump down upon him if he answered, "You people."
"We're friends of all the common people," he shouted. "We came up to help."
"We believe in brotherhood," another called.
"Well, pick up that sofa and come on," I called. I was uneasy about their presence and disappointed when they all joined the crowd and started lugging the evicted articles back inside. Where had I heard of them?
"Why don't we stage a march?" one of the white men called, going past.
"Why don't we march!" I yelled out to the sidewalk before I had time to think.
They took it up immediately.
"Let's march..."
"It's a good idea."
"Let's have a demonstration..."
"Let's parade!"
I heard the siren and saw the scout cars swing into the block in the same instant. It was the police! I looked into the crowd, trying to focus upon their faces, hearing someone yell, "Here come the cops," and others answering, "Let 'em come!"
Where is all this leading? I thought, seeing a white man run inside the building as the policemen dashed from their cars and came running up.
"What's going on here?" a gold-shield officer called up the steps.
It had become silent. No one answered.
"I said, what's going on here," he repeated. "You," he called, pointing straight at me.
"We've... we've been clearing the sidewalk of a lot of junk," I called, tense inside.
"What's that?" he said.
"It's a clean-up campaign," I called, wanting to laugh. "These old folks had all their stuff cluttering up the sidewalk and we cleared the street..."
"You mean you're interfering with an eviction," he called, starting through the crowd.
"He ain't doing nothing," a woman called from behind me.
I looked around, the steps behind were filled with those who had been inside.
"We're all together," someone called, as the crowd closed in.
"Clear the streets," the officer ordered.
"That's what we were doing," someone called from back in the crowd.
"Mahoney!" he bellowed to another policeman, "send in a riot call!"
"What riot?" one of the white men called to him. "There's no riot."
"If I say there's a riot, there's a riot," the officer said. "And what are you white people doing up here in Harlem?"
"We're citizens. We go anywhere we like."
"Listen! Here come some more cops!" someone called.
"Let them come!"
"Let the Commissioner come!"
It became too much for me. The whole thing had gotten out of hand. What had I said to bring on all this? I edged to the back of the crowd on the steps and backed into the hallway. Where would I go? I hurried up to the old couple's apartment. But I can't hide here, I thought, heading back for the stairs.
"No. You can't go that way," a voice said.
I whirled. It was a white girl standing in the door.
"What are you doing in here?" I shouted, my fear turning to feverish anger.
"I didn't mean to startle you," she said. "Brother, that was quite a speech you made. I heard just the end of it, but you certainly moved them to action..."
"Action," I said, "action —"
"Don't be modest, brother," she said, "I heard you."
"Look, Miss, we'd better get out of here," I said, finally controlling the throbbing in my throat. "There are a lot of policemen downstairs and more coming."
"Oh, yes. You'd better go over the roof," she said. "Otherwise, someone is sure to point you out."
"Over the roof?"
"It's easy. Just go up to the roof of the building and keep crossing until you reach the house at the end of the block. Then open the door and walk down as though you've been visiting. You'd better hurry. The longer you remain unknown to the police, the longer you'll be effective."
Effective? I thought. What did she mean? And what was this "brother" business?
"Thanks," I said, and hurried for the stairs.
"Good-bye," her voice rose fluidly behind me. I turned, glimpsing her white face in the dim light of the darkened doorway.
I took the flight in a bound and cautiously opened the door, and suddenly the sun flared on the roof and it was windy cold. Before me the low, snow-caked walls dividing the buildings stretched hurdle-like the long length of the block to the corner, and before me empty clotheslines trembled in the wind. I made my way through the wind-carved snow to the next roof and then to the next, going with swift caution. Planes were rising over an airfield far to the southeast, and I was running now and seeing all the church steeples rising and falling and stacks with smoke leaning sharp against the sky, and below in the street the sound of sirens and shouting. I hurried. Then, climbing over a wall I looked back, seeing a man hurrying after me, slipping, sliding, going over the low dividing walls of the roofs with puffing, bustling effort. I turned and ran, trying to put the rows of chimneys between us, wondering why he didn't yell "Halt!" or shout, or shoot. I ran, dodging behind an elevator housing, then dashing to the next roof, going down, the snow cold to my hands, knees striking, toes gripping, and up and running and looking back, seeing the short figure in black still running after. The corner seemed a mile away. I tried to count the number of roofs that bounced before me yet to be crossed. Getting to seven, I ran, hearing shouts, more sirens, and looking back and him still behind me, running in a short-legged scramble, still behind me as I tried to open the door of a building to go down and finding it stuck and running once more, trying to zig-zag in the snow and feeling the crunch of gravel underneath, and behind me still, as I swung over a partition and went brushing past a huge cote and arousing a flight of frantic white birds, suddenly as large as buzzards as they beat furiously against my eyes, dazzling the sun as they fluttered up and away and around in a furious glide and me running again and looking back and for a split second thinking him gone and once more seeing him bobbing after. Why doesn't he shoot? Why? If only it were like at home where I knew someone in all the houses, knew them by sight and by name, by blood and by background, by shame and pride, and by religion.
It was a carpeted hall and I moved down with pounding heart as a dog set up a terrific din within the top apartment. Then I moved quickly, my body like glass inside as I skipped downward off the edges of the stairs. Looking down the stairwell I saw pale light filtering through the door glass, far below. But what had happened to the girl, had she put the man on my trail? What was she doing there? I bounded down, no one challenging me, and I stopped in the vestibule, breathing deeply and listening for his hand upon the door above and brushing my clothing into order. Then I stepped into the street with a nonchalance copied from characters I had seen in the movies. No sound from above, not even the malicious note of the barking dog.
It was a long block and I had come down into a building that faced not the street but the avenue. A squad of mounted policemen lashed themselves around the corner and galloped past, the horseshoes thudding dully through the snow, the men rising high in their saddles, shouting. I picked up speed, careful not to run, heading away. This was awful. What on earth had I said to have brought on all this? How would it end? Someone might be killed. Heads would be pistol-whipped. I stopped at the corner, looking for the pursuing man, the detective, and for a bus. The long white stretch of street was empty, the aroused pigeons still circling overhead. I scanned the roofs, expecting to see him peering down. The sound of shouting continued to rise, then another green and white patrol car was whining around the corner and speeding past me, heading for the block. I cut through a block in which there were close to a dozen funeral parlors, each decked out with neon signs, all set up in old brownstone buildings. Elaborate funeral cars stood along the curb, one a dull black with windows shaped like Gothic arches, through which I saw funeral flowers piled upon a casket. I hurried on.
I could see the girl's face still, below the short flight of stairs. But who was the figure that had crossed the roof behind me? Chased me? Why had he been so silent, and why was there only one? Yes, and why hadn't they sent a patrol car to pick me up? I hurried out of the block of funeral parlors into the bright sun that swept the snow of the avenue, slowing to a leisurely walk now, trying to give the impression of a complete lack of haste. I longed to look stupid, utterly incapable of thought or speech, and tried to shuffle my feet over the walk, but quit with distaste after stealing a glance behind me. Just ahead I saw a car pull up and a man leap out with a physician's bag.
"Hurry, Doctor," a man called from the stoop, "she's already in labor!"
"Good," the doctor called. "That's what we've been waiting for, isn't it?"
"Yeah, but it didn't start when we expected it."
I watched them disappear inside the hall. What a hell of a time to be born, I thought. At the corner I joined several people waiting for the lights to change. I had just about convinced myself that I had escaped successfully when a quiet, penetrating voice beside me said, "That was a masterful bit of persuasion, brother."
Suddenly wound tight as a tensioned spring I turned almost lethargically. A short insignificant-looking bushy-eyebrowed man, with a quiet smile on his face stood beside me, looking not at all like a policeman.
"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice lazy, distant.
"Don't be alarmed," he said, "I'm a friend."
"I've got nothing to be alarmed about, and you're no friend of mine."
"Then say that I'm an admirer," he said pleasantly.
"Admirer of what?"
"Of your speech," he said. "I was listening."
"What speech? I made no speech," I said.
He smiled knowingly. "I can see that you have been well trained. Come, it isn't good for you to be seen with me in the street. Let's go somewhere for a cup of coffee."
Дата добавления: 2015-11-04; просмотров: 33 | Нарушение авторских прав
| <== предыдущая лекция | | | следующая лекция ==> |