He pivoted away as his eyes burned with tears. Jesus. That hurt like a bitch. He rubbed at the ache in his chest.
Her hand came to rest on the top of his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Trevor.”
He felt the sharp sting begin to ease, but couldn’t be certain whether that was simply from her touch or from what she could do with that touch.
Setting his hand over hers, he kept her in place while he turned to face her. He caught her before she could pul away, hugging her. He felt her gasp and tense, but he buried his face in her neck and held on.
Eventual y, she relaxed. When she moved to put her arms around him, he circled her wrists and captured them at the smal of her back.
Knowing she could break free at any moment didn’t alter the effect of the dynamic—he felt a level of much-needed control and she consciously surrendered to that control.
Sighing, she rested her cheek over his heart. “This sort of contact... it’s important to mortals.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Why? What do you get from it?”
Trevor thought about it for a minute. “It’s comforting. It reminds us that even if we feel like we’re alone, we’re not. I don’t know... Isn’t that why Adam got Eve? Don’t you feel anything when I hold you like this?”
“Wel... it’s pleasant,” she said tentatively. “You’re very warm and that’s nice. And you smel really good. I like to hear your heart beating. And to feel you breathing. I’m not sure about it being comforting, but it’s certainly very comfortable.”
“It’d be better if I had some meat on my bones,” he said drily.
She snuggled closer, her firm bel y sliding against his cock. He winced as he swel ed with arousal, unable to hold back his instinctive reaction to her proximity.
Siobhán froze. “Oh.”
But she didn’t pul away, even when he loosened his grip on her wrists.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, startled that he could become physical y aroused after what he’d so recently been through. He knew it wouldn’t be possible with just any beautiful woman. Only Siobhán made everything else fade from his mind until there was only her and how she made him feel. “Please don’t be offended.”
She was quiet a moment, then: “You like women and you like sex, but you haven’t had either one for a long time. I don’t take it personally.”
He felt his face heat and cursed himself inwardly. Damn it, he was too old to blush like a fucking teenager with his first hard-on. “Siobhán...”
It was personal. Deeply so. But how did he tel her that without scaring her off? If she started avoiding him he’d lose it. He needed her.
“You won’t feel these things for me eventual y,” she said softly, as if she’d read his mind.
Then Trevor realized she probably had.
He yanked away from her as if she’d burned him. “Damn it. That’s not fair. You shouldn’t invade someone’s privacy without their permission.”
Her arms wrapped around her middle and she looked contrite. “I wasn’t reading you.”
“Then how do you know what I’m thinking?”
She shrugged, but what should have been a nonchalant gesture came across as an uncomfortable one. “It’s well -documented that intense and traumatic situations often lead mortals to form in-the-moment attachments to others who share the experience.”
“You do feel something for me,” he realized with dawning awe and pleasure. “You’re talking to yourself as much as me when you say I’l get over feeling this way about you.”
Her chest expanded on a sharply indrawn breath. “What way?” she whispered.
He debated his answer, wondering how far he could go. How far he should go. “I’m attracted to you, Siobhán. I don’t know what kind of trouble that’s going to get me into considering you’re an angel but it’s not something I can control. I’m just a man, and you’re a beautiful female with a kind heart and a dazzling smile. You’re also pretty damn scary when you want to be—you’d have to be to do whatever you did to get that blood all over when you found me—and I like that about you, too. I like that you’re tough and strong, and still soft and sweet. And you’re so damn sexy. I can’t figure out why you’d be so sexy unless it’s meant for me to be attracted to you.”
The door opened and a blond guy walked in. He stood on the threshold with his hand on the knob, holding the door open. His eyes were the same blue as Siobhán’s and they raked over Trevor with a hard, assessing glance.
“Should we go out again?” the guy asked Siobhán, ignoring Trevor completely. “Do you need any more sick vamps?”
She shifted, moving around and away from Trevor. “I made a mistake by not bringing some healthy vamps back with us. I should have, so I could interview them about how and when the infected got sick. Now Adrian wants me to find out how quickly the infected lose higher brain function, and I don’t have any healthy subjects to infect and test.”
“So we hunt,” the blonde said.
“The sooner, the better,” she agreed.
Trevor’s shoulders went back. “I want to go with you.”
“No.”
“Malachai,” Siobhán warned softly. “Can you see to the preparations? We’ll take the team out at sundown.”
Malachai stood unmoving for a long moment, his jaw working as if he was forcibly restraining words. “I’l take care of it.”
“Thank you.”
The male angel was closing the door when he abruptly shoved it open again and stabbed a finger in Trevor’s direction. “He’s a major liability, Siobhán.”
“Only if you’re worried about keeping me alive,” Trevor shot back. “And why bother if you just want to wipe my mind anyway?”
Malachai’s gaze narrowed. “Siobhán’s gone to a lot of trouble to keep you alive.”
“Has she?” Trevor looked at his angel, noting how she avoided his gaze. “I’m grateful. But a life worth living is one worth fighting for. I’ve got combat training and experience. It’s nothing compared to you guys, I’m sure, but you can use me for something. I can drive, I’m a damned good marksman and bladesman, and I’ve got good eyes and sharp ears. Use me. Let me earn my keep.”
“You don’t have to earn anything,” Siobhán retorted with a bite to her words. “In fact, you’re owed a great deal for what you suffered, through no fault of your own. We failed you, Trevor. It’s our responsibility to protect you and we didn’t.”
“Okay.” He crossed his arms. “Let me go for my sake, then. I’ve been helpless and useless for too long. It’s time I got a little payback.”
“These are vampires we’re talking about,” Malachai said derisively. “They move faster than you can see. You’l be dead in the blink of an eye.”
“You can move just as quick as them, right?” An idea occurred to Trevor, something he could do that they couldn’t. “Are you raiding another nest?”
She shook her head. “We know there are more out there, but it’s somewhat rare for us to find them. We’ll need to sweep until something flushes out.”
“You’d do better with bait.”
Horrified understanding lit her eyes. “No!”
Her vehemence took both him and Malachai by surprise.
“Why not?” Trevor chal enged. “They obviously like my blood, since they kept me like a damned wet bar for a year. And like I said, I’m not your average civilian. I’m not without skil s. The minute they latch on to my neck, they’re not moving anymore and then they’re vulnerable. I can hold my own against something attached to me if I’m not chained and facing twelve-to-one odds.”
“That’s the most—”
“He has a point.” Malachai released the door and stepped into the room.
“You just said he’d be a major liability!” she protested.
“I’d only considered the idea of him attempting to be useful alongside us. As bait, however, his idea has merit.”
“After what he’s already suffered, you’d leave him hanging in the wind?” She shook her head violently. “I’m ashamed at the very idea.”
“We don’t have time to dick around, Siobhán. If we fly back up to Seattle and put him out there, it’s damned likely his scent Will get picked up by someone who’s tasted him and they won’t be able to resist.”
“Because they’l want to retaliate. Their nest was razed while they were out prowling, and he’s walking around renewed and unscathed,” she said.
“And We’ll be right there to catch them,” Malachai said grimly.
“I said no.”
Trevor reached out to her, touching her arm. “Hey,” he said softly. “I want this. Let me do it.”
She looked at him and in one unguarded moment, he saw how worried she was. “I don’t want you to, Trevor. I don’t like it.”
“I know. I get it.” He stepped closer, very much aware of the brooding male angel watching them so intently. “But right now I’m a victim, Siobhán. I’d prefer to be a survivor, a fighter. Those vampires are out there terrorizing others like me. Let me help you stop them.”
“Trevor...” Her breath left her in a rush. “Please don’t ask this of me. I’m not comfortable with it.”
And he wasn’t comfortable with her going hunting without him. He knew it was ridiculous for him to feel that way, she wasn’t an ordinary woman, but he couldn’t fight his need to watch her back if she was going to be in even the remotest danger.
“There’s something I’ve long believed and lived by,” he said. “Everything happens for a reason. Usual y it takes hindsight to figure out what that reason is, but still.”
He wanted to pul her back into his arms, and that longing brought home how attached to her he’d become. He was a friendly guy by nature, affectionate and quick to touch, but he had never felt this proprietary about a woman. “Al we can do is be true to ourselves and the ones we love, and hope for the best.”
“We’re facing the worst.”
“Let him come, Siobhán,” Malachai said. “He’s right. There’s a reason we found him when we did.”
“It’s too soon! We just pul ed him from that hel hole!”
“But you said I’m physical y fit,” Trevor argued. “It’s not like time is going to make me any healthier. Bigger, yes. But not healthier.”
“Okay. Fine.” Her eyes blazed with blue flames. “But you have to let me refresh your memories of your combat training. I want to bring them closer to the surface, make them more vibrant. And Malachai Will get you some high-caloric protein drinks. I want you to drink as many as you can between now and dusk to put some weight on. My blood Will ensure that the effects manifest quickly.”
“Whatever you say,” he agreed readily. “You’re the boss.”
“If that was true, you’d listen to me,” she muttered.
“I’l make it up to you.” He didn’t mean for the promise to sound suggestive, but the husky note in his voice belied his intentions. “You can boss me around all you want in the infirmary.”
“I’l boss you around during this crazy sting operation, too.” She stalked toward the door. “Come on. Let me show you the armory.”
Chapter 7
“You have a lot of weapons for a group that doesn’t need any,” Trevor said, eyeing the armory Carriden had built over the last few months. “Vamps and lycans use them,” Siobhán explained, standing slightly behind him so that he didn’t see how she admired his backside. It startled her that she could find his physical form so attractive after spending the entirety of her existence surrounded by perfect Sentinels. But then it was Trevor’s flaws that she found most appealing. Like the way his left ear was just a tiny bit higher than the right one and the slight imperfection of the bottom row of his teeth. “We col ect them as we go.”
“Lycans?” He faced her and her breath caught. Thanks to three high-caloric energy shakes, his features had fil ed out further, making him even more attractive. In a day or two, he’d be ready to leave. “As in werewolves?”
“Not quite.” She gestured to one of the chairs set in front of a table used for cleaning and loading the guns. “I’ve explained to you about the Sentinel angels and the Watcher angels who fel and became Fal en vampires.”
“Yeah.” He sat. “I’m with you so far.”
“Some of the Watchers didn’t want to become Fal en vampires. They begged Adrian—he’s the Captain of the Sentinels—for leniency, and he had the foresight to see that we’d need help, but his hands were tied. We’d been ordered to strip the Watchers of their wings. For angels, wings and souls are bound together. You lose one, you lose the other. Our souls are what feed us. Instead of eating food like you do, we absorb sustenance from the energy around us. That’s why the Fal en drink blood. They need that life-force energy, but they can’t get it the way they used to.
You fol owing?”
“Yes. Some of the Watchers didn’t want to be bloodsuckers, but they had to lose their wings which would automatical y make them bloodsuckers.”
“Right.” Her gaze swept over his face, marveling—once again—at how seamlessly he was transitioning from the half-animal creature in the basement to this healthy man in front of her. all within the space of a few days. Certainly the immediate and total healing of his body helped immensely, but he was a remarkable example of adaptability and survival. He was a miracle.
“So,” she went on, “Adrian had to conceive of a way to take their wings, but not their souls. Demons are very adept at taking possession of souls, so Adrian experimented with transfusing demon blood into the Watchers before severing their wings and it worked. However, in addition to sparing their souls, the demon blood—werewolf blood to be precise—also imparted some special properties, such as the ability to shapeshift.”
“Gotcha.”
“For many years, the lycans have worked for the Sentinels to keep the vampires in check. In their human forms, they use these weapons you see around us, so we col ect them as we go. We also study them to better learn how to defend ourselves against them.”
Trevor ran a hand over his head and the dark hair that was growing at an accelerated rate. “Wow. Okay. Vamps, lycans, angels, and demons.”
“It’s a lot to take in, I know.”
“I’l say. How do I know which of you guys are angels and which are lycans?”
She shook her head. “There are no lycans here.”
“Oh?” His brows rose. “That makes it easy, doesn’t it?”
“I suppose.” Her mouth curved. It was easy being with Trevor. The easiest thing she’d ever done.
“You have a beautiful smile, Siobhán.” His voice was warm and soft, just like his eyes were when he looked at her.
“I like your smile, too.” Once again she found herself rubbing at an inexplicable ache in her chest. She couldn’t help feeling uneasy when she thought about him facing the nightmares he had just escaped from. He’d so recently found safety and now he was putting himself in danger again. She began walking the perimeter of the room, looking at the guns in their racks. “Vampires are vulnerable to silver. all of the bul ets and blades here are heavily coated with it. A direct shot to the heart or beheading is the only way to kil one, so please keep that in mind.”
“But we’re looking to capture, not kil, right?”
“Right. I just want you to know how to protect yourself if it comes to that.”
He caught her gently by the elbow as she got closer. “I wish you wouldn’t worry about me. It’l distract you when you need to be on your game.”
Her dark head cocked to the side. He really had beautiful cheekbones. They were even more striking now that they weren’t hol owed out. And his clothes, the black T-shirt and urban camouflage pants that matched what she wore, fit him better by the hour.
Trevor’s lips quirked on one side. “What do you see when you’re looking at me like that?”
“A very stubborn man.”
He laughed and she absorbed the sound deep inside her. “I’ve been cal ed that before. It must be true.”
“It’s good to hear you laugh, Trevor.”
“It’s you,” he said simply, the pad of his thumb stroking the sensitive inner curve of her elbow. “I feel okay when you’re around. I feel good.”
The simple touch reverberated through her. She pul ed away, needing to catch her breath. “I have to check on the infirmary and see how the subjects are doing.”
“I’l come with you.” He stood, towering over her.
“You don’t have to—”
“I don’t like being alone,” he said softly, a terrible sadness drifting through his beautiful eyes. “And I don’t like being far from you.”
The ache in her chest blossomed like a stain, spreading through her. She thought she should stem it somehow, retreat, but she couldn’t seem to find the Will. They’d gain distance from each other soon enough when she sent him to the archangel Raguel. Perhaps she should stop worrying so much and just enjoy him while she could.
She grabbed his hand in her own. “Come on, then.”
* * *
He was cruising a shopping mal for vampires.
Trevor stayed rigidly focused on the insanity of that thought in order to keep his panic at bay. The sheer volume of noise in the cavernous space felt like it was pressing against him from all sides. The barrage of smel s and people had his heart racing and his palms damp.
He hadn’t considered that he’d be thrust into such a teeming public place. He hadn’t been prepared, although he doubted that any level of preparation would’ve been sufficient to put him at ease. After a year of darkness and suppression of sound, the deluge of sensation was too much. A passing teenage girl bumped into him, and he flinched.
“Watch it,” she snapped, as if the contact had been his fault instead of hers. Then she raked him with a glance that turned from irritated to interested. “Oh, hi.”
Trevor rushed toward the nearest exit. He stumbled past Il Fornaio and shoved through a door to the outside, gulping in a much-needed lungful of cool night air. He walked several steps from the building, setting his hands on his denim-clad hips and taking deep, calming breaths.
“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, hating his weakness and craving Siobhán. If only she’d been able to play the role with him. Walk with him hand in hand. Look into the shop windows with him, lean against him, be with him. She kept him on an even keel, just by being near. But she’d blow his cover, she said, because vampires could scent what she was.
Gathering his composure, Trevor was turning to head back into the mal when the cel phone in his pocket rang. He pul ed it out and answered.
“That’s enough for one night,” Siobhán said. “We’ll hit it again tomorrow.”
“No, I’m okay. It’s only been what... an hour? That’s not long enough.”
“We can’t be too obvious. You’ve left your scent at a half dozen public places tonight. Trust me, the bait’s been set. We’ll close the trap tomorrow or the next day.”
“But you’re in a hurry.” And he was letting her down. “I can hold on for another hour or two.”
“This was never going to happen overnight. Head back and We’ll talk about it.”
“Siobhán—”
“Please, Trevor.”
He shoved a hand through his hair, which had grown at least two inches since he’d first woken up on Siobhán’s couch. Somehow, he knew his hair growth was like a countdown. It was indicative of his body’s rapid healing and resurgence. At the rate he was going, he’d be back to his old self in just a day or two, and he wondered what would happen then. There were no lycans with her and there were no “mortals” either. Where were the others she must’ve saved over the years? Did she wipe their memories and send them back out in the world, none the wiser of her existence or the existence of angels, period?
He didn’t want that, couldn’t even begin to think about it.
“Okay,” he said with a sigh. “I’l head back.”
“Thank you.” Her voice was soft. “I’l see you soon.”
* * *
Trevor paced the length of an unfamiliar living room, his mind going over every single action taken since he’d been rescued.
“You should sleep,” Siobhán said from her seat at a smal computer alcove in the apartment’s kitchen.
“I’m not tired.”
“That’s my blood talking. But if you lie down for just a few minutes, you’d lose consciousness and get some rest. You need it.”
He brushed her off with a distracted wave of his hand. They were in the apartment of a guy named Brian Kramer. Brian had been waiting for them at the airstrip in Seattle, and he’d given Trevor a change of clothes and the keys to his car. He’d given Siobhán the keys to a van and explained to Trevor, “By staying at my place, it’l look like we’re roommates to any vamps who might fol ow you.”
“Doesn’t that make you bait, too?” Trevor had asked.
“I won’t be here.” Then Brian had grabbed a suitcase and left in a cab.
Trevor stopped moving and crossed his arms. He stared at Siobhán. “Is Brian an angel?”
Her head lifted. “What? No.”
“A lycan?”
“No.”
He took a deep breath. “Is he a mortal you’ve saved in the past?”
“No. I’ve never met Brian Kramer before tonight. He works for someone I know. Someone I’l be introducing you to eventual y.” She frowned and pushed back from the desk. “What’s wrong?”
He watched her cross over to him, her movements fluid and graceful. She wore jeans and a blue sweater that matched her eyes. She looked young and all -too human when dressed in civilian clothes.
The three other angels who’d accompanied them to Seattle—Malachai, Carriden, and Daniela—had gone hunting, leaving them alone.
Siobhán and Malachai had argued about which one of them would stay behind and babysit, but she wouldn’t back down. Trevor didn’t know if that was because she wanted to be with him or because she knew of the terrible anxiety he suffered when they were separated for too long.
“I’m just trying to figure out the logistics here,” he said gruffly. “You were able to arrange this undercover scenario pretty quickly and thoroughly.”
“There’s a complicated structure of angels here on earth, Trevor. It would only confuse you to try to explain it all at once. Suffice it to say, Brian Kramer works under another angel for another purpose, and I was able to cal in a favor.”
“You’ve been hunting vampires for years. Why is it so complicated to find one or a few?”
Her lips pursed; then she went to sit on the couch. “We’ve relied on the lycans pretty heavily. A lot of what we know about where vampires concentrate and what their behavior patterns are came from the lycans. They were the ones in the trenches every day.”
“So why aren’t you using lycans for this sting?” He took a seat beside her.
“They revolted just a couple weeks ago. Right about the time the vampire disease first became known.”
Trevor leaned into the corner of the sofa, digesting that. “So you’re on your own? How many vampires are there?”
“Tens of thousands.”
“And how many Sentinels?”
“Less than two hundred.”
“Jesus Christ.” He winced. “Sorry. I should watch my mouth.”
Her lips curved rueful y. “Don’t worry about it. You’ve got enough to deal with at the moment.”
“Why did they revolt?”
“Wel, that’s complicated, too.” Her eyes stared into his, revealing a swirling morass of reactions and what he would cal emotion—emotion she swore she wasn’t capable of feeling. She had no idea how wrong she was. Out of all the angels he’d met so far, Siobhán seemed the most... real. “We didn’t mistreat them,” she went on. “They were fed, clothed, and paid well. They had no expenses, and we enabled them to do what is in their nature to do—hunt. But, all that said, we weren’t kind to them. They weren’t beaten or chained, but I think we never stopped thinking of them as the Fal en, beings that deserved to be punished. And we treated them that way. They had no free Will. They did what they were told when they were told, and that was it.”
“Wasn’t that the deal they made?”
“That was the deal their ancestors made. Angels and vampires don’t die or breed, but the lycans do both. The lycans in service today are many generations removed from the Watchers who begged for mercy.”
Trevor pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing. “Okay. You’re right. It’s a lot to digest.”
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s not your fault.” He exhaled harshly and looked at her, wanting her. He wanted more of this with her—quiet conversations and working together, digging through things together. In his mortal life he would’ve said he wanted to date her and get to know her better, but he knew it couldn’t be that way. Not with what she was. But he’d take this, this tentative friendship. “I need to ask you the real question on my mind.”
“Go for it.”
“What’s going to happen to me eventual y?”
“Oh.” She looked down at her hands in her lap. “I wish you wouldn’t worry about that. I promise that you’l be happy and whole. You’l have a good life.”
“Without you in it,” he said flatly.
Her silence was answer enough. And yet the downward turn of her mouth hinted that she might have mixed feelings about letting him go.
“Don’t I get a say, Siobhán? It’s my life. Don’t I have the right to make decisions about how it should go?”
She shook her head. “You have to think of the last year of your life as being a detour. You took a wrong turn—through no fault of your own—and you ended up here, but this is isn’t how it should be for you.”
“A week ago, I would’ve agreed with you. I can’t tel you how many times I told myself I didn’t deserve what was happening to me—”
“You didn’t. You don’t.”
“But when I’m with you, I feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I damn sure don’t want to be anywhere else.”
“I think it’s a form of post traumatic stress disorder, Trevor—”
“Bul shit,” he said quietly and vehemently. “You’re talking to a combat veteran, Siobhán. I know PTSD. I’m tel ing you that I’d feel this way around you if I’d passed you on the street or saw you across a crowded restaurant. You get to me, and that has nothing to do with how we met.”
“You can’t know that.” She pushed to her feet and backed away, nearly tripping over the leg of the coffee table. “You’re forgetting what I am. I’m not like you, Trevor. I don’t have the ability to connect with you like a mortal woman could.”
He stood, the rhythm of his heart taking on a heated, demanding beat. “I don’t believe you,” he said softly, not wanting to frighten her further.
She was so skittish, her eyes dark and wide in her beautiful face. “I know how a woman looks and reacts when she’s attracted to me. The signs are all over you.”
She shook her head violently.
“I’m not going to push you, Siobhán,” he promised, careful y closing the distance between them. “I can live with this—what we have and what we can’t have. I just want to be near you. Don’t send me away.”
“I have to send you away! There’s even more reason to, now that you’re talking this way. You’re confused. You’re mixing up gratitude with something else.”
“Shh,” he soothed, hating to see her panicked and upset. He wondered why she was so freaked out when he knew she felt some of what he felt. She acted like the world was going to end if they cared about each other as more than friends. He wasn’t even nursing the hope that he could ever have her physical y, but surely caring about each other—maybe even eventual y loving each other—wasn’t wrong.
She pointed an accusing finger at him. “Don’t look at me that way!”
Trevor caught her wrist, tugging her closer.
“Stop it.” Siobhán yanked away and he couldn’t hold her. She was too strong. “You can’t feel this way about me. You need to stop it right now.”
He smiled. “God, you’re adorable—you know that? You’re like a pissed-off pixie. A little dark-haired Tinkerbell.”
Her mouth fel open.
“You said no one can change the way I feel about anything,” he reminded her. “Doesn’t that mean it’s meant for me to like you?”
A little growl escaped her, a sound of frustration that had the effect of rousing his desire. In an instant, he wanted her in the way he knew he shouldn’t. His smile faded and he took a step back.
But she saw it anyway. He could see the awareness of his unexpected hunger sweep through her expressive eyes. And he saw the tiniest spark that told him she could return it.
“Trevor.” Her voice was husky.
Damn it. Getting turned on now was only going to freak her out more. “Yes?”
She moved so fast he couldn’t fol ow her. One minute she was about a yard away and the next, she was pressed up against him and kissing him with passionate inexperience, her soft lips closed as she mashed them against his.
He caught her up with a groan, lifting her feet from the floor, his tongue sliding along the seam of her lips until they opened with a gasp and let him inside. He licked into her mouth, stroking into the warmly sweet recesses, his mind reeling with the headiness of her flavor and the feel of her surprisingly lush body in his arms.
Lust exploded through him in a potent rush, hardening his cock and goading him to grip her hair in his fist, holding her still so he could ravish her tender mouth.
He was nearing the point of no return when he heard her voice whisper across his mind— I’m sorry. I have to take your memories.
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