body--so characteristic of the young and unsophisticated in some
instances. And so he was about to repeat his customary formula in
such cases that all could be told to him without fear or
hesitation, whatever it might be, when a secondary thought, based
on Roberta's charm and vigor, as well as her own thought waves
attacking his cerebral receptive centers, caused him to decide that
he might be wrong. After all, why might not this be another of
those troublesome youthful cases in which possibly immorality and
illegitimacy was involved. She was so young, healthy and
attractive, besides, they were always cropping up, these cases,--in
connection with the most respectable-looking girls at times. And
invariably they spelled trouble and distress for doctors. And, for
various reasons connected with his own temperament, which was
retiring and recessive, as well as the nature of this local social
world, he disliked and hesitated to even trifle with them. They
were illegal, dangerous, involved little or no pay as a rule, and
the sentiment of this local world was all against them as he knew.
Besides he personally was more or less irritated by these young
scamps of boys and girls who were so free to exercise the normal
functions of their natures in the first instance, but so ready
to refuse the social obligations which went with them--marriage
afterwards. And so, although in several cases in the past
ten years where family and other neighborhood and religious
considerations had made it seem quite advisable, he had assisted
in extricating from the consequences of their folly several young
girls of good family who had fallen from grace and could not
otherwise be rescued, still he was opposed to aiding, either by
his own countenance or skill, any lapses or tangles not heavily
sponsored by others. It was too dangerous. Ordinarily it was his
custom to advise immediate and unconditional marriage. Or, where
that was not possible, the perpetrator of the infamy having
decamped, it was his general and self-consciously sanctioned
practice to have nothing at all to do with the matter. It was too
dangerous and ethically and socially wrong and criminal into the
bargain.
In consequence he now looked at Roberta in an extremely sober
manner. By no means, he now said to himself, must he allow himself
to become emotionally or otherwise involved here. And so in order
to help himself as well as her to attain and maintain a balance
which would permit of both extricating themselves without too much
trouble, he drew toward him his black leather case record book and,
opening it, said: "Now, let's see if we can't find out what the
trouble is here. What is your name?"
"Ruth Howard. Mrs. Howard," replied Roberta nervously and tensely,
at once fixing upon a name which Clyde had suggested for her use.
And now, interestingly enough, at mention of the fact that she was
married, he breathed easier. But why the tears then? What reason
could a young married woman have for being so intensely shy and
nervous?
"And your husband's first name?" he went on.
As simple as the question was, and as easy as it should have been
to answer, Roberta nevertheless hesitated before she could bring
herself to say: "Gifford," her older brother's name.
"You live around her, I presume?"
"In Fonda."
"Yes. And how old are you?"
"Twenty-two."
"How long have you been married?"
This inquiry being so intimately connected with the problem before
her, she again hesitated before saying, "Let me see--three months."
At once Dr. Glenn became dubious again, though he gave her no sign.
Her hesitancy arrested him. Why the uncertainty? He was wondering
now again whether he was dealing with a truthful girl or whether
his first suspicions were being substantiated. In consequence he
now asked: "Well, now what seems to be the trouble, Mrs. Howard?
You need have no hesitancy in telling me--none whatsoever. I am
used to such things year in and out, whatever they are. That is my
business, listening to the troubles of people."
"Well," began Roberta, nervously once more, this terrible
confession drying her throat and thickening her tongue almost,
while once more she turned the same button of her coat and gazed at
the floor. "It's like this... You see... my husband hasn't
much money... and I have to work to help out with expenses and
neither of us make so very much." (She was astonishing herself
with her own shameful power to lie in this instance--she, who had
always hated to lie.) "So... of course... we can't afford
to... to have... well, any... children, you see, so soon,
anyhow, and..."
She paused, her breath catching, and really unable to proceed
further with this wholesale lying.
The doctor realizing from this, as he thought, what the true
problem was--that she was a newly-married girl who was probably
faced by just such a problem as she was attempting to outline--yet
not wishing to enter upon any form of malpractice and at the same
time not wishing to appear too discouraging to a young couple just
starting out in life, gazed at her somewhat more sympathetically,
the decidedly unfortunate predicament of these young people, as
well as her appropriate modesty in the face of such a conventionally
delicate situation, appealing to him. It was too bad. Young people
these days did have a rather hard time of it, getting started in
some cases, anyhow. And they were no doubt faced by some pressing
financial situations. Nearly all young people were. Nevertheless,
this business of a contraceptal operation or interference with the
normal or God-arranged life processes, well, that was a ticklish and
unnatural business at best which he wanted as little as possible to
do with. Besides, young, healthy people, even though poor, when
they undertook marriage, knew what they were about. And it was not
impossible for them to work, the husband anyhow, and hence manage in
some way.
And now straightening himself around in his chair very soberly and
authoritatively, he began: "I think I understand what you want to
say to me, Mrs. Howard. But I'm also wondering if you have
considered what a very serious and dangerous thing it is you have
in mind. But," he added, suddenly, another thought as to whether
his own reputation in this community was in any way being tarnished
by rumor of anything he had done in the past coming to him, "just
how did you happen to come to me, anyhow?"
Something about the tone of his voice, the manner in which he asked
the question--the caution of it as well as the possibly impending
resentment in case it should turn out that any one suspected him of
a practice of this sort--caused Roberta to hesitate and to feel
that any statement to the effect that she had heard of or been sent
by any one else--Clyde to the contrary notwithstanding--might be
dangerous. Perhaps she had better not say that she had been sent
by any one. He might resent it as an insult to his character as a
reputable physician. A budding instinct for diplomacy helped her
in this instance, and she replied: "I've noticed your sign in
passing several times and I've heard different people say you were
a good doctor."
His uncertainty allayed, he now continued: "In the first place,
the thing you want done is something my conscience would not permit
me to advise. I understand, of course, that you consider it
necessary. You and your husband are both young and you probably
haven't very much money to go on, and you both feel that an
interruption of this kind will be a great strain in every way. And
no doubt it will be. Still, as I see it, marriage is a very sacred
thing, and children are a blessing--not a curse. And when you went
to the altar three months ago you were probably not unaware that
you might have to face just such a situation as this. All young
married people are, I think." ("The altar," thought Roberta sadly.
If only it were so.) "Now I know that the tendency of the day in
some quarters is very much in this direction, I am sorry to say.
There are those who feel it quite all right if they can shirk the
normal responsibilities in such cases as to perform these
operations, but it's very dangerous, Mrs. Howard, very dangerous
legally and ethically as well as medically very wrong. Many women
who seek to escape childbirth die in this way. Besides it is a
prison offense for any doctor to assist them, whether there are bad
consequences or not. You know that, I suppose. At any rate, I,
for one, am heartily opposed to this sort of thing from every point
of view. The only excuse I have ever been able to see for it is
when the life of the mother, for instance, depends upon such an
operation. Not otherwise. And in such cases the medical
profession is in accord. But in this instance I'm sure the
situation isn't one which warrants anything like that. You seem to
me to be a strong, healthy girl. Motherhood should hold no serious
consequences for you. And as for money reasons, don't you really
think now that if you just go ahead and have this baby, you and
your husband would find means of getting along? You say your
husband is an electrician?"
"Yes," replied Roberta, nervously, not a little overawed and
subdued by his solemn moralizing.
"Well, now, there you are," he went on. "That's not such an
unprofitable profession. At least all electricians charge enough.
And when you consider, as you must, how serious a thing you are
thinking of doing, that you are actually planning to destroy a
young life that has as good a right to its existence as you have to
yours..." he paused in order to let the substance of what he was
saying sink in--"well, then, I think you might feel called upon to
stop and consider--both you and your husband. Besides," he added,
in a diplomatic and more fatherly and even intriguing tone of
voice, "I think that once you have it it will more than make up to
you both for whatever little hardship its coming will bring you.
Tell me," he added curiously at this point, "does your husband know
of this? Or is this just some plan of yours to save him and
yourself from too much hardship?" He almost beamed cheerfully as,
fancying he had captured Roberta in some purely nervous and
feminine economy as well as dread, he decided that if so he could
easily extract her from her present mood. And she, sensing his
present drift and feeling that one lie more or less could neither
help nor harm her, replied quickly: "He knows."
"Well, then," he went on, slightly reduced by the fact that his
surmise was incorrect, but none the less resolved to dissuade her
and him, too: "I think you two should really consider very
seriously before you go further in this matter. I know when young
people first face a situation like this they always look on the
darkest side of it, but it doesn't always work out that way. I
know my wife and I did with our first child. But we got along.
And if you will only stop now and talk it over, you'll see it in a
different light, I'm sure. And then you won't have your conscience
to deal with afterwards, either." He ceased, feeling reasonably
sure that he had dispelled the fear, as well as the determination
that had brought Roberta to him--that, being a sensible, ordinary
wife, she would now desist of course--think nothing more of her
plan and leave.
But instead of either acquiescing cheerfully or rising to go, as he
thought she might, she gave him a wide-eyed terrified look and then
as instantly burst into tears. For the total effect of his address
had been to first revive more clearly than ever the normal social
or conventional aspect of the situation which all along she was
attempting to shut out from her thoughts and which, under ordinary
circumstances, assuming that she was really married, was exactly
the attitude she would have taken. But now the realization that
her problem was not to be solved at all, by this man at least,
caused her to be seized with what might best be described as morbid
panic.
Suddenly beginning to open and shut her fingers and at the same
time beating her knees, while her face contorted itself with pain
and terror, she exclaimed: "But you don't understand, doctor, you
don't understand! I HAVE to get out of this in some way! I have
to. It isn't like I told you at all. I'm not married. I haven't
any husband at all. But, oh, you don't know what this means to me.
My family! My father! My mother! I can't tell you. But I must
get out of it. I must! I must! Oh, you don't know, you don't
know! I must! I must!" She began to rock backward and forward,
at the same time swaying from side to side as in a trance.
And Glenn, surprised and startled by this sudden demonstration as
well as emotionally affected, and yet at the same time advised
thereby that his original surmise had been correct, and hence that
Roberta had been lying, as well as that if he wished to keep
himself out of this he must now assume a firm and even heartless
attitude, asked solemnly: "You are not married, you say?"
For answer now Roberta merely shook her head negatively and
continued to cry. And at last gathering the full import of her
situation, Dr. Glenn got up, his face a study of troubled and yet
conservative caution and sympathy. But without saying anything at
first he merely looked at her as she wept. Later he added: "Well,
well, this is too bad. I'm sorry." But fearing to commit himself
in any way, he merely paused, adding after a time soothingly and
dubiously: "You mustn't cry. That won't help you any." He then
paused again, still determined not to have anything to do with this
case. Yet a bit curious as to the true nature of the story he
finally asked: "Well, then where is the young man who is the cause
of your trouble? Is he here?"
Still too overcome by shame and despair to speak, Roberta merely
shook her head negatively.
"But he knows that you're in trouble, doesn't he?"
"Yes," replied Roberta faintly.
"And he won't marry you?"
"He's gone away."
"Oh, I see. The young scamp! And don't you know where he's gone?"
"No," lied Roberta, weakly.
"How long has it been since he left you?"
"About a week now." Once more she lied.
"And you don't know where he is?"
"No."
"How long has it been since you were sick?"
"Over two weeks now," sobbed Roberta.
"And before that you have always been regular?"
"Yes."
"Well, in the first place," his tone was more comfortable and
pleasant than before--he seemed to be snatching at a plausible
excuse for extricating himself from a case which promised little
other than danger and difficulty, "this may not be as serious as
you think. I know you're probably very much frightened, but it's
not unusual for women to miss a period. At any rate, without an
examination it wouldn't be possible to be sure, and even if you
were, the most advisable thing would be to wait another two weeks.
You may find then that there is nothing wrong. I wouldn't be
surprised if you did. You seem to be oversensitive and nervous and
that sometimes brings about delays of this kind--mere nervousness.
At any rate, if you'll take my advice, whatever you do, you'll not
do anything now but just go home and wait until you're really sure.
For even if anything were to be done, it wouldn't be advisable for
you to do anything before then."
"But I've already taken some pills and they haven't helped me,"
pleaded Roberta.
"What were they?" asked Glenn interestedly, and, after he had
learned, merely commented: "Oh, those. Well, they wouldn't be
likely to be of any real service to you, if you were pregnant. But
I still suggest that you wait, and if you find you pass your second
period, then it will be time enough to act, although I earnestly
advise you, even then, to do nothing if you can help it, because I
consider it wrong to interfere with nature in this way. It would
be much better, if you would arrange to have the child and take
care of it. Then you wouldn't have the additional sin of
destroying a life upon your conscience."
He was very grave and felt very righteous as he said this. But
Roberta, faced by terrors which he did not appear to be able to
grasp, merely exclaimed, and as dramatically as before: "But I
can't do that, doctor, I tell you! I can't. I can't! You don't
understand. Oh, I don't know what I shall do unless I find some
way out of this. I don't! I don't! I don't!"
She shook her head and clenched her fingers and rocked to and fro
while Glenn, impressed by her own terrors, the pity of the folly
which, as he saw it, had led her to this dreadful pass, yet
professionally alienated by a type of case that spelled nothing but
difficulty for him stood determinedly before her and added: "As I
told you before, Miss--" (he paused) "Howard, if that is your name,
I am seriously opposed to operations of this kind, just as I am to
the folly that brings girls and young men to the point where they
seem to think they are necessary. A physician may not interfere in
a case of this kind unless he is willing to spend ten years in
prison, and I think that law is fair enough. Not that I don't
realize how painful your present situation appears to you. But
there are always those who are willing to help a girl in your
state, providing she doesn't wish to do something which is morally
and legally wrong. And so the very best advice I can give you now
is that you do nothing at all now or at any time. Better go home
and see your parents and confess. It will be much better--much
better, I assure you. Not nearly as hard as you think or as wicked
as this other way. Don't forget there is a life there--a human--if
it is really as you think. A human life which you are seeking to
end and that I cannot help you to do. I really cannot. There may
be doctors--I know there are--men here and there who take their
professional ethics a little less seriously than I do; but I cannot
let myself become one of them. I am sorry--very.
"So now the best I can say is--go home to your parents and tell
them. It may look hard now but you are going to feel better about
it in the long run. If it will make you or them feel any better
about it, let them come and talk to me. I will try and make them
see that this is not the worst thing in the world, either. But as
for doing what you want--I am very, very sorry, but I cannot. My
conscience will not permit me."
He paused and gazed at her sympathetically, yet with a determined
and concluded look in his eye. And Roberta, dumbfounded by this
sudden termination of all her hopes in connection with him and
realizing at last that not only had she been misled by Clyde's
information in regard to this doctor, but that her technical as
well as emotional plea had failed, now walked unsteadily to the
door, the terrors of the future crowding thick upon her. And once
outside in the dark, after the doctor had most courteously and
ruefully closed the door behind her, she paused to lean against a
tree that was there--her nervous and physical strength all but
failing her. He had refused to help her. He had refused to help
her. And now what?
Chapter 38
The first effect of the doctor's decision was to shock and terrify
them both--Roberta and Clyde--beyond measure. For apparently now
here was illegitimacy and disgrace for Roberta. Exposure and
destruction for Clyde. And this had been their one solution
seemingly. Then, by degrees, for Clyde at least, there was a
slight lifting of the heavy pall. Perhaps, after all, as the
doctor had suggested--and once she had recovered her senses
sufficiently to talk, she had told him--the end had not been
reached. There was the bare possibility, as suggested by the
druggist, Short and the doctor, that she might be mistaken. And
this, while not producing a happy reaction in her, had the
unsatisfactory result of inducing in Clyde a lethargy based more
than anything else on the ever-haunting fear of inability to cope
with this situation as well as the certainty of social exposure in
case he did not which caused him, instead of struggling all the
more desperately, to defer further immediate action. For, such was
his nature that, although he realized clearly the probably tragic
consequences if he did not act, still it was so hard to think to
whom else to apply to without danger to himself. To think that the
doctor had "turned her down," as he phrased it, and that Short's
advice should have been worth as little as that!
But apart from nervous thoughts as to whom to turn to next, no
particular individual occurred to him before the two weeks were
gone, or after. It was so hard to just ask anywhere. One just
couldn't do it. Besides, of whom could he ask now? Of whom?
These things took time, didn't they? Yet in the meantime, the days
going by, both he and Roberta had ample time to consider what, if
any, steps they must take--the one in regard to the other--in case
no medical or surgical solution was found. For Roberta, while
urging and urging, if not so much by words as by expression and
mood at her work, was determined that she must not be left to fight
this out alone--she could not be. On the other hand, as she could
see, Clyde did nothing. For apart from what he had already
attempted to do, he was absolutely at a loss how to proceed. He
had no intimates and in consequence he could only think of
presenting the problem as an imaginary one to one individual and
another here or there in the hope of extracting some helpful
information. At the same time, and as impractical and evasive as
it may seem, there was the call of that diverting world of which
Sondra was a part, evenings and Sundays, when, in spite of
Roberta's wretched state and mood, he was called to go here and
there, and did, because in so doing he was actually relieving his
own mind of the dread specter of disaster that was almost
constantly before it. If only he could get her out of this! If
only he could. But how, without money, intimates, a more familiar
understanding of the medical or if not that exactly, then the sub
rosa world of sexual free-masonry which some at times--the bell-
hops of the Green-Davidson, for instance, seemed to understand. He
had written to Ratterer, of course, but there had been no answer,
since Ratterer had removed to Florida and as yet Clyde's letter had
not reached him. And locally all those he knew best were either
connected with the factory or society--individuals on the one hand
too inexperienced or dangerous, or on the other hand, too remote
and dangerous, since he was not sufficiently intimate with any of
them as yet to command their true confidence and secrecy.
At the same time he must do something--he could not just rest and
drift. Assuredly Roberta could not long permit him to do that--
faced as she was by exposure. And so from time to time he actually
racked himself--seized upon straws and what would have been looked
upon by most as forlorn chances. Thus, for instance, an associate
foreman, chancing to reminisce one day concerning a certain girl in
his department who had "gotten in trouble" and had been compelled
to leave, he had been given the opportunity to inquire what he
thought such a girl did in case she could not afford or did not
want to have a child. But this particular foreman, being as
uninformed as himself, merely observed that she probably had to see
a doctor if she knew one or "go through with it"--which left Clyde
exactly where he was. On another occasion, in connection with a
conversation in a barber shop, relating to a local case reported in
The Star where a girl was suing a local ne'er-do-well for breach of
promise, the remark was made that she would "never have sued that
guy, you bet, unless she had to." Whereupon Clyde seized the
opportunity to remark hopefully, "But wouldn't you think that she
could find some way of getting out of trouble without marrying a
fellow she didn't like?"
"Well, that's not so easy as you may think, particularly around
here," elucidated the wiseacre who was trimming his hair. "In the
first place it's agin' the law. And next it takes a lotta money.
An' in case you ain't got it, well, money makes the mare go, you
know." He snip-snipped with his scissors while Clyde, confronted
by his own problem, meditated on how true it was. If he had a lot
of money--even a few hundred dollars--he might take it now and
possibly persuade her--who could tell--to go somewhere by herself
and have an operation performed.
Yet each day, as on the one before, he was saying to himself that
he must find some one. And Roberta was saying to herself that she
too must act--must not really depend on Clyde any longer if he were
going to act so. One could not trifle or compromise with a terror
of this kind. It was a cruel imposition on her. It must be that
Clyde did not realize how terribly this affected her and even him.
For certainly, if he were not going to help her out of it, as he
had distinctly said he would do at first, then decidedly she could
not be expected to weather the subsequent storm alone. Never,
never, never! For, after all, as Roberta saw it, Clyde was a man--
he had a good position--it was not he, but she, who was in this
treacherous position and unable to extricate herself alone.
And beginning with the second day after the second period, when she
discovered for once and all that her worst suspicions were true,
she not only emphasized the fact in every way that she could that
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