He diverted his attention back to his hands. “I’m not sure how Mandy felt about it. It’s hard to tell how she feels about anything. We can’t seem to get
through, Carole.” The despair in his voice tore at Avery’s heart. “A trip to McDonald’s used to make her do cartwheels. Now, nothing.” His elbows settled
on his knees and he dropped his head into his waiting palms. “I’ve tried everything I know of to reach her. Nothing works. I don’t know what else to do.”
Avery lifted her arm and smoothed back the hair that grew away from his temple.
He flinched and whipped his head around, almost knocking her hand away. She snatched it back so quickly and reflexively that it sent a pain shooting up
her arm. She moaned.
“I’m sorry,” he said, instantly coming to his feet. “Are you all right? Should I call somebody?”
She made a negative motion with her head, then selfconsciously repositioned the slipping scarf. More than ever before, she felt exposed and naked. She
wished she could conceal her ugliness from him.
When he was convinced she was no longer in pain, he said, “Don’t worry about Mandy. Given time, I’m sure she’ll be fine. I shouldn’t have brought it up.
I’m just tired. The campaign is escalating and … never mind. Those are my concerns, not yours. I’ve got to be going. I know our visit has been hard on
you. Good-bye, Carole.”
This time, he didn’t even brush her fingertips in farewell.
NINE
“Are we boring you, Tate?”
Guiltily, he glanced up at his campaign manager. “Sorry.”
Tate, acknowledging that Eddy had every right to be perturbed with him, cleared his throat and sat up straighter in the leather easy chair. He stopped
mindlessly twirling a pencil between his fingers.
They were spending the day at home, holding a powwow to outline campaign strategy for these last few weeks before the primary.
“Exactly where did you drift off?”
“Somewhere between El Paso and Sweetwater,” Tate answered. “Look, Eddy, are you sure that sweep through West Texas is essential?”
“Absolutely essential,” Jack chimed in. “With the price of Texas crude where it is, those folks out there need all the pep talks you can give them.”
“I’ll tell it like it is. You know how I feel about false hopes and empty promises.”
“We understand your position completely, Tate,” Nelson said. “But Senator Dekker is partly responsible for the fix the oil business is in. He favored that
trade agreement with the Arabs. Those unemployed roughnecks need to be reminded of that.”
Tate tossed the pencil onto the conference table and stood up. Sliding his hands into the hip pockets of his jeans, he went to stand in front of the window.
It was a spectacular day. Spring was still a fledgling chick, but redbud trees and daffodils were blooming. Grass in the pastures was gradually turning
green.
“You don’t agree with Nelson’s observation?” Eddy asked.
“I agree wholeheartedly,” Tate replied, keeping his back to them. “I know I need to be out there citing Dekker’s bad judgment and doling out optimism, but
I also need to be here.”
“With Carole.”
“Yes. And with Mandy.”
“I thought Mandy’s shrink said all she needed was time, and that after Carole returned home, Mandy would naturally improve,” Jack said.
“She did.”
“So, whether you’re here or not won’t matter a whole hell of a lot to Mandy. There’s not a thing you can do for Carole, either.”
“I can be with her,” Tate said impatiently. Feeling defensive, he turned to face them.
“Doing what? Just standing there and staring at those two big, bruised eyes,” Jack said. “Jesus, they give me the creeps.” Tate’s face grew taut with
anger over his brother’s insensitive remark.
“Shut up, Jack,” Nelson snapped.
Tate said crisply, “Just standing there staring might be all I can do for her, Jack, but it’s still my responsibility to do it. Didn’t I make that clear to you weeks
ago?”
With a long-suffering sigh, Eddy lowered himself into a chair. “I thought we had all agreed that Carole was better off in that private clinic than here at
home.”
“We did.”
“She’s treated like royalty there better than she was in the hospital,” Jack observed. “She’s looking better every day. I was just kidding about her eyes.
Once the redness goes away and her hair grows back, she’ll look great. So what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that she’s still recovering from trauma and serious physical injury,” Tate said testily.
“No one is arguing that point,” Nelson said. “But you’ve got to seize every opportunity, Tate. You’ve got a responsibility to your campaign that can’t be
neglected any more than you can neglect your wife.”
“Don’t you think I realize that?” he asked the three of them.
“You realize it,” Eddy said. “And so does Carole.”
“Maybe. But she doesn’t do as well when I’m away. Dr. Sawyer told me she becomes very depressed.”
“How the hell does he know whether she’s depressed or laughing her head off? She still can’t say a goddamned ”
“Jack!” Nelson spoke in the tone he had frequently used during the course of his military career to reduce cocky airmen to groveling penitents. Every inch
the retired air force colonel, he glared at his older son.
He had rarely spanked his children when they were growing up, resorting to corporal punishment only when he felt it was absolutely necessary. Usually a
single, quelling look and that harsh tone of voice would whip them back into line. “Have a little consideration for your brother’s predicament, please.”
Parental respect silenced Jack, but he flopped back in his chair with obvious exasperation.
“Carole would be the first to tell you to go on this trip,” Nelson said to Tate in a quieter voice. “I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t believe it.”
“I agree with Nelson,” Eddy said.
“And I agree with both of you. Before the accident, she would have been packing right along with me.” Tate rubbed the back of his neck, trying to work out
some of the tension and fatigue.
“Now when I tell her I’m leaving, I see panic in her eyes. It haunts me. She’s still so pathetic. I feel guilty. Before I leave for any extended time, I have to take
into account how she’s going to respond to my being away.”
He took a silent inventory of their reactions. On each of their faces was an argument wanting to be spoken. Out of consideration, they were keeping their
opposing opinions to themselves.
He expelled a deep breath. “Shit. I’m going out for a while.”
He stamped from the room and left the house. In under five minutes, he was mounted on horseback and galloping across one of the ranch’s pastures,
skirting herds of lazily grazing hybrid beef cattle. No particular destination was on his mind; he just needed the privacy and peace that the open air
afforded.
These days, he was rarely by himself, but he had never felt more alone in his entire life. His father, Eddy, and Jack could all advise him on political issues,
but personal decisions were just that personal. Only he could make them.
He kept thinking about the way Carole had touched him. He wondered what it meant.
In the two weeks since it had happened, he had reviewed and analyzed it to death and still couldn’t get it off his mind. Because of his stunned reaction to
it, it hadn’t lasted more than a split second just long enough for her fingertips to rake gently through the hair at his temples. But he considered it the most
important caress he and Carole had ever shared more important than their first kiss, than the first time they had made love … than the last time they had
made love.
He reined in and dismounted beside a spring-fed stream that trickled down from the limestone hills. Scrub oak, cedar, and mesquite trees dotted the
rocky ground. The wind was strong, out of the north. It stung his cheeks and made his eyes water. He’d left without a jacket, but the sun was warm.
That touch had surprised the hell out of him because it was such an uncharacteristic thing for her to do. She knew how to touch a man, all right. Even now,
after all that had happened between them, memories of their earlier days together could make him hard with desire. Very skillfully, Carole had used
touching to communicate when she wanted him. Whether she chose to be teasing, subtle, or downright dirty, she knew how to convey her desires.
This one had been different. He had felt the difference. It had been a touch of concern and caring and compassion. It had been untutored spawned by a
guileless heart, not a calculating mind. Unselfish, not the reverse.
Very unlike Carole.
The sound of a horse approaching brought his head around. Nelson reined in and dismounted with almost as much agility as Tate had minutes before.
“Thought I’d ride out, too. Good day for it.” He tilted his head back and gazed at the cloudless, cerulean sky.
“Bullshit. You came to aid and abet.”
Nelson chuckled and indicated with a nod that they should sit on one of the bleached white boulders. “Zee spotted you taking off. She suggested it was
time to call a break in the meeting. She served sandwiches to the others and sent me after you. Said you looked upset.”
“I am.”
“Well, get over it,” Nelson ordered. “It’s not that easy.”
“We knew from the beginning that this campaign was going to be a bitch, Tate. What did you expect?”
“It’s not the campaign. I’m ready for that,” he said with a determined jut of his cleft chin.
“Then it’s this business with Carole. You knew that wasn’t going to be a picnic, either.”
Tate swiveled his head around and asked bluntly, “Have you noticed the changes in her?”
“The doctor warned you that there would be some slight alterations in her appearance, but they’re hardly noticeable.”
“Not physical changes. I’m talking about the way she reacts to things.”
“Can’t say that I have. Like what?”
Tate cited several instances when Carole’s eyes had registered uncertainty, insecurity, fear.
Nelson listened to every word, then ruminated for a long time before saying anything. “I’d say her anxiety was natural, wouldn’t you? Her face was torn up
to a fare-thee-well. That would make any woman uncertain, but a woman who looked like Carole well, the thought of losing her beauty would be enough to
shake her confidence.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Tate muttered, “but I would expect rage from her before fear. I really can’t explain it. It’s just something I feel.” Absently, he
recounted Mandy’s first visit to Carole. “I’ve taken her back three times, and during each visit Carole cries and holds Mandv against her.”
“She’s thinking how easily she could have lost her.”
“It’s more than that, Dad. One day while she was still at the hospital, when we stepped off the elevator, she was sitting there in the hall in a wheelchair,
waiting for our arrival. It was before her teeth were replaced. Her head was wrapped in a scarf. Her leg was propped up in that cast.” Perplexed, he shook
his head. “She looked like hell, but there she was, bold as brass. Now, is that something Carole would do?”
“She was eager to see you, to show off her ability to get out of bed.”
Tate considered that for a moment, but it still didn’t gel. When had Carole ever put herself out to please someone else? He could have sworn that despite
her inability to smile, she was beaming at the sight of Mandy and him when the elevator doors opened. “So you think it’s all an act?”
“No,” Nelson said hesitandy. “I just think it’s ” “Temporary.”
“Yes,” he said flatly. “I face facts, Tate. You know that. I don’t mean to butt into your personal life. Zee and I want you and Jack and your families to stay
here on the ranch with us. And because we do, we’ve made it a point never to interfere with your private business. If I did what I felt inclined to, I’d see to it
that Dorothy Rae got professional help for her problem and I’d blister Fancy’s butt for all the times it should have been blistered and wasn’t.”
He paused before continuing. “Maybe I should have said something before now, but I was hoping that you would take the initiative to set your marriage
straight. I know that you and Carole have sort of grown apart over the last couple of years.” He held up both hands. “You don’t have to tell me why. I don’t
need to know. It’s just something that I’ve sensed, you know?
“Hell, every marriage goes through rough spots now and then. Zee and I hope that you and Carole will iron out your differences, have another baby, go to
Washington, and live to grow old together. Maybe this tragedy will patch up the problems you had and bring you closer together.
“But,” he said, “don’t expect Carole to change entirely as a result of what’s happened to her. If anything, it’ll take more patience to get along with her than it
has up till now.”
Tate edited his father’s speech, picking out the pertinent points and reading between the lines. “You’re telling me that I’m looking for something that isn’t
there, is that it?”
“I’m saying it’s a possibility,” the older man stressed. “Usually when someone has a close brush with death, he goes through a period of smelling the
roses. I’ve seen it happen with pilots who ditched their planes and lived to tell about it.
“You know, they contemplate all that could have been taken from them in the blink of an eye, feel guilty for not appreciating their loved ones, and promise
to make amends, improve their general attitude toward life, become a better person that kind of thing.” He rested his hand on Tate’s knee. “I think that’s
what you’re seeing in Carole.
“I don’t want you to start hoping that this incident has rid her of all her faults and left her a paragon of what a wife should be. Dr. Sawyer guaranteed to
remove some of the imperfections in her face, but he never said a word about her soul,” he added with a smile.
“I guess you’re right,” Tate said tautly. “I know you’re right. That’s exactly what I was doing, looking for improvements that aren’t really there.”
Nelson used Tate’s shoulder as a prop as he stood up. “Don’t be so hard on yourself or on h^r. Time and patience are indispensable investments.
Anything worth having is worth waiting for, no matter how long it takes even a lifetime.”
They mounted and turned the horses toward the house. On the way back, they said very little. As they drew up in front of the stable, Tate leaned on his
saddle horn and turned to address his father.
“About that trip to West Texas.”
“Yeah?” Nelson threw his right leg over and stepped to the ground.
“I’ll compromise. One week. I can’t be gone any longer than that.”
Nelson slapped Tate’s thigh with the reins he was holding, then handed them to Tate. “I figured you’d come around. I’ll tell Eddy and Jack.” He headed for
the house.
“Dad?” Nelson stopped and turned. “Thanks,” Tate said.
Nelson waved off the gratitude. “Put those horses up properly.”
Tate walked his horse into the stable, pulling Nelson’s along behind. He dismounted and began the rundown procedure he’d been taught to do as early as
he’d been taught to ride.
But after several minutes, his hands fell idle on the horse’s rump and he stared into space.
He had needed her compassion and tenderness that night. He had wanted to trust the motives behind her touch. For the sake of their marriage and
Mandy, he had hoped these changes in her would be permanent.
Only time would tell, but his father was probably right. It was wishful thinking to believe that Carole had changed, when her previous actions had shown her
to be faithless and untrustworthy. He couldn’t give her the benefit of the doubt without everybody, chiefly himself, thinking he was a fool for trusting her even
that far. “Damn.”
TEN
“After that, we intend to send him up to the panhandle for a speech at Texas Tech.” As Jack detailed Tate’s itinerary to his sister-in-law, a fresh thought
occurred to him. “You know, Tate, there are a lot of cotton farmers in that region. I wonder if Eddy’s considered having you speak to a co-op or
something?”
“If he hasn’t, he should. I definitely want to.”
“I’ll make a mental note to have him schedule something.”
From her bed, Avery observed the two brothers. There was enough resemblance to place them in the same family, but enough difference to make them
drastically unlike each other.
Jack appeared more than three years older than Tate. His hair, several shades darker than Tate’s, was thinning on top. He wasn’t exactly paunchy, but his
physique wasn’t well honed, as Tate’s was.
Of the two, Tate was much better looking. Although there was nothing offensive about Jack’s appearance, there wasn’t anything distinguishing about it,
either. He faded into the woodwork. Tate couldn’t if he tried.
“Forgive us for taking him away from you for so long, Carole.” She noticed that Jack never looked directly at her when speaking to her. He would always
address some other area of her body besides her face her chest, her hand, the cast on her leg. “We wouldn’t if we didn’t feel it was important to the
campaign.”
Her fingers closed around the oversized pencil in her hand and she scrawled “okay” on the tablet. Jack tilted his head, read what she’d written, shot her a
weak smile, and nodded curtly. There were unpleasant undercurrents between Jack and his sister-in-law. Avery wondered what they were.
“Tate said you managed to say some words today,” he said. “That’s great news. We’ll all be glad to hear what you’ve got to say once you can talk again.”
Avery knew Tate wouldn’t be glad to hear what she had to say. He would want to know why she hadn’t written down her name, why she had let him go on
believing that she was his wife, even after she’d regained enough coordination in her hand to use the pencil on the tablet.
She wanted to know that herself.
Anxiety over it brought tears to her eyes. Jack immediately stood and began backing toward the door. “Well, it’s getting late, and I’m facing that long drive
home. Good luck, Carole. You coming, Tate?”
“Not quite yet, but I’ll walk you to the lobby.” After telling her that he would be back in a few minutes, he accompanied his brother from the room.
“I think I upset her by talking about your trip,” Jack remarked.
“She’s been touchy the last few days.”
“You’d think she’d be glad she was getting her voice back, wouldn’t you?”
“I guess it’s frustrating to try and speak plainly when you can’t.” Tate moved to the tinted glass doors of the exclusive clinic and pulled one open.
“Uh, Tate, have you noticed something weird when she writes?”
“Weird?”
He moved aside to admit a pair of nurses into the lobby, followed by a man carrying an arrangement of copper chrysanthemums. Jack stepped outside,
but used his hand to prevent the door from closing behind him.
“Carole’s right-handed, isn’t she?”
“Yeah.”
“So why is she writing with her left hand?” As soon as Jack posed the puzzling question, he shrugged. “I just thought it was odd.” His hand fell to his side
and the hydraulic door began to close. “See you at home, Tate.”
“Drive carefully.”
Tate stood staring after his brother until someone else approached the door and looked at him inquiringly. He pivoted on his heels and thoughtfully
retraced his steps toward Carole’s room.
While Tate was gone, Avery thought about how he had changed. She had sensed a difference in his attitude more than a week ago. He still paid her
regular visits, but they were no longer on a daily basis. At first she had excused this, knowing that his campaign was in full swing.
Whenever he came, he still brought flowers and magazines. Now that she could eat solid foods, he brought her junk food to augment the hospital’s
excellent, but boring cuisine. He’d even had a VCR installed and had supplied her with a variety of movies to help entertain her. But he was often
withdrawn and moody, guarded in what he said to her. He never stayed for very long.
As Carole’s face became more distinct, Tate became more distant.
He hadn’t brought Mandy to see her, either. She had printed Mandy’s name, followed by a question mark, on the tablet and held it up to him. He had
shrugged. “I thought the visits were probably doing her more harm than good. You’ll have plenty of time to spend with her once you’re back home.”
The insensitive words had wounded her. Mandy’s visits had become highlights in her monotonous existence. On the other hand, it was probably better
that he had suspended them. She was growing too attached to the child and wanted desperately to help see her through this crisis in her young life. Since
she wouldn’t have that opportunity, it was wise to sever any emotional bonds now.
The attachment she had developed for Tate was more complex and would be considerably harder to sever when she moved out of his world and back
into her own.
At least she would be taking something back with her: the ingredients of a juicy inside story on the man running for the U.S. Senate whom someone
wanted murdered.
Avery’s journalistic curiosity ran rampant. What had been amiss in the Rutledges’ marriage? Why had Carole wanted her husband dead? She wanted to
exhaust all the possibilities until she arrived at the truth. Telling that truth might lift her out of the muck she’d made of her professional life. Yet it left a bad
taste in her mouth to think about broadcasting that truth.
Tate Rutledge’s problems belonged to her now just as much as they did to him. She hadn’t asked for them; they’d been imposed on her. But she couldn’t
just turn her back on them. For some bizarre reason that defied explanation, she felt compelled to make up for Carole’s shortcomings.
The one time she had extended a compassionate hand to him, he had emphatically rebuffed her, but the strife between Tate and Carole went beyond the
normal marriage in trouble. There was another almost malevolent dimension to it. He treated her as one might a caged wild beast. He saw to all her
needs, but from a careful distance. His approach was mistrustful, as though her behavior couldn’t be depended on.
As Avery knew, Tate’s wariness of his wife was well-founded. Carole, along with another individual, had plotted to kill him. How and why were the
questions that haunted her more than any others.
The troubling thoughts were temporarily shelved when he returned from escorting Jack out. However, her welcoming smile wavered as he approached her
chair. He was scowling.
“Why are you writing with your left hand?”
Avery froze. So, this was to be the moment of truth. She had hoped to choose the time herself, but it had been chosen for her. How stupid she’d been to
make such a blunder! Percentages were strongly against Carole Rutledge being left-handed.
She looked up at him with appeal and managed to speak a guttural version of his name.
God help me, she prayed as she fumbled for the pencil with her left hand. As soon as she revealed her identity, she must warn him of the planned
assassination. The only time limit placed on it was that he would never live to take office. It could happen tomorrow, tonight. It might not happen until next
November, but he had to be warned immediately.
Who in his family would she accuse? She hadn’t revealed herself as soon as she could control a pencil because she didn’t have enough facts. She had
vainly hoped that each new day would provide her with some.
Once she had outlined the meager facts she knew, would he believe her?
Why should he?
Why should he even listen to a woman who had, for almost two months, passed herself off as his wife? He would think she was an unconscionable
opportunist, which could be uncomfortably close to the truth if she weren’t genuinely concerned for his and Mandy’s welfare.
The pencil moved beneath the painstaking coaxing of her fingers. She drew the letter h. Her hand was shaking so badly, she dropped the pencil. It rolled
downward, slid across her lap, and finally became lodged between her hip and the seat of the upholstered chair.
Tate went after it. His strong fingers nudged her flesh. He replaced the pencil in her hand and guided it back onto the tablet. “it what?”
Beseechingly, she looked up at him, silently asking for his forgiveness. Then she finished the word she had begun. When she had printed it, she turned
the tablet toward him.
“Hurts,” he read. “It hurts to use your right hand?”
Immersed in guilt, Avery nodded her head. “It hurts,” she croaked, and raised her right hand where the skin was still sensitive.
Her lie was justified, she assured herself. She couldn’t tell him the truth until she could explain everything in detail. A scrawled message, a few key words
without any elaboration, would only pitch him into a frenzy of anger and confusion. In that kind of mental state, he would never believe that someone
wanted to kill him.
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