The Lewis House 43 страница

"Well..." Penelope bit her lip.

"Ginny's right," Sirius said quickly. "She's got Leo, you don't have to worry - now what I want to know is, what's stopping us from using individualized Binding Spells in lieu of faulty imprisonments?"

Penny nodded permission to Ginny and returned her attention to Sirius.

Ron scowled, but steered Ginny across the room to the far doors and through the entrance hall, out to the Hogwarts grounds. It was dark outside, but a row of jack-o-lanterns had been placed on the ground to form a path to the newly finished Quidditch pitch. As they walked nearer, Ron could make out what looked like at least two teams of people flying around on broomsticks.

“I knew they'd be playing,” he said delightedly to Ginny. They paused at the edge, near the stands, and watched as people zoomed overhead – Ron waved as Fred, George, and Angelina flew by. “Wonder if Fred’ll let me borrow his broom for a few minutes,” Ron said, squinting upwards. “Feel like flying, Ginny? I'll take Leo.” He nudged Ginny again with his elbow, but frowned and looked down at her when he realized that she was standing very stiffly and had gone so pale that her face almost glowed in the dark. She stared into the center of the pitch and leaned against Ron for support.

"What is it?" Ron asked at once. "Here, give me the baby."

But Ginny didn't stir. "Hello, Harry," she said very quietly.

Ron looked over his shoulder and gaped to see that Ginny was right; Harry was standing several meters away, frozen much as Ginny was. He flashed an angry glance at Ron, crossed his arms, and then shot a defiant look at the back of Ginny's head. She didn’t turn around.

“Right,” said Ron. They were probably both angry with him, but they’d thank him in the morning. “You’re both here - now have it out. Whatever you’re fighting about isn't worth it. Trust me. Ginny, look at Harry.”

Ginny took an enormous breath, and with what seemed like obvious effort, rotated slowly where she was standing, in order to face in Harry’s direction. But she didn't look at him; she glared up at Ron instead, trembling slightly. "You must be joking," she nearly hissed. "Get away, Ron - this isn't any of your business."

“Harry,” ordered Ron, feeling very satisfied with himself, “Come here and talk to my sister.”

“I can’t,” said Harry, looking equally furious.

“What do you mean you can’t?" Ron asked, annoyed. He couldn’t believe how stubborn Harry was sometimes. “You’ve got two legs – get over here.”

“No, Ron,” said Ginny softly, hugging Leo close to her chest. “He really can’t.”

~*~

"Can't my arse," was Ron's helpful reply. "You're both daft."

Ginny gritted her teeth and forced her arms to stay relaxed so that she wouldn't hurt Leo. Ron had never done anything to embarrass her so much as this - not since he had first betrayed to Harry that she liked him, in her first year. "You're so lucky my hands are full," she muttered. He chuckled infuriatingly. "I'm not joking. You're a -" And she called Ron something that made Harry's stare turn from angry to amazed- and maybe just a little bit amused.

"Oh for God's sake, lighten up," Ron returned. "Here, give me Leo -"

But Ginny kept tight hold of her nephew. If Ron was this idiotic, then she didn't trust him not to drop the baby right in the lake. "Leave," she said, working to keep the heat out of her face. "Now."

There was a long, strained silence, and in it, Ginny tried to get hold of her mind; it had frozen in her head when Harry had approached. He stood there now, close enough to talk to, but Ginny couldn't think of a word to say. He looked terrible. His face was shadowed and drawn, and even his eyes seemed strangely dull; the past week and a half had muted their usual, startling color.

A strong wind circled suddenly around the pitch, blowing back her cloak and making Leo stir. She tucked a thin layer of blanket loosely across his face, to keep him warm.

"Never mind," Ron said abruptly, sounding truly irritated. "If you're both going to stand here like you've been Muting Charmed, it's fine with me." He turned to walk away.

"I want to talk," Ginny said faintly. She searched Harry's eyes, but they made her feel empty; in them, she couldn't find any trace of the few weeks they'd spent as... Come to think of it, Ginny still wasn't sure what they had been. Neither had ever brought it up in words.

"I don't," Harry replied. He looked up, away from her face. She could tell by the movements of his eyes that he was studying the mock Quidditch match above them, but she also knew he wasn't really watching.

"Then don't," she said. "I'm not asking you to say anything. But you could give me a chance to explain."

"You don't have to," Harry said, still looking into the sky. "I get it. It's fine."

"Oh, would you stop saying that!" Ginny snapped, before she'd thought about it. "It's so old, Harry!"

His chin came down and he gave her a vaguely shocked look. "What?"

"You say that every time you don't feel like talking," Ginny pointed out, a little ruthlessly. "It doesn't fool anyone, you know."

Harry stared at her. "That's not true."

"Isn't it? Okay, then - how are you feeling tonight, Harry? Honestly?"

He opened and shut his mouth several times before spluttering; "Fine!"

Ginny narrowed her eyes at him - there were many scathing things she wanted to say in response to that, but she bit her tongue. It was still Harry, and they hadn't been intimate for very long. She still wasn't sure, for all her Empathy, just how to approach him when he walled himself off. A voice deep in her mind told her that it would be good for both of them if she continued to speak bluntly, but she tried to be gentle instead. "You're not fine," she said, taking an unwitting step towards him.

He stepped immediately back. "Don't," he said sharply. "You know you're not allowed to touch me."

Ron made a noise that sounded like muffled laughter; Ginny flushed. She had forgotten he was there.

"That's more like it," Ron said, sounding insufferably experienced. He patted Ginny's shoulder. "You'll be fine," he informed them, before striding off into the center of the field, looking as though he'd just done a great service, and got into a conversation with Fred.

"Bighead Boy," Ginny said under her breath.

"Smug bastard," Harry muttered at the same time.

Both of them laughed, but they cut their laughter short and glanced at each other. For a second, the color seemed to come back into Harry's eyes; they flashed at her, and Ginny seized the moment.

"Please let me tell you why I kept the Healing secret," she said quickly. "Don't ignore me - you have a right to be upset, and you do deserve an explanation, so please, Harry. Let me talk."

Harry crossed his arms, but his face was suddenly much less guarded. His eyes shifted to Leo, and he shrugged in acceptance.

"I was worried," Ginny said honestly, wishing she could touch him while she spoke. She knew that just putting her hand on his arm would get the point across much better than words could. "I thought it might upset you to know that I can sense all your feelings. I thought it would seem like... an invasion of privacy."

Harry pursed his mouth a little, and shrugged again.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she offered. "Don't stay angry."

There was a silence while Harry searched her eyes. "Can you really sense my feelings?" he said. His voice rasped slightly.

"Yes," Ginny admitted, encouraged. He was talking. That was good. "I'm not trying to, I swear - it's just that once I opened up to this thing I have, everything flooded in and hit me all at once - you can't imagine how strange it is. If you'd just let me tell you what I'm trying to learn, then perhaps-"

"I read the book," Harry interrupted, and pushed his glasses up.

"You only read the parts -"

"I read the book," Harry repeated. "I have a copy."

Ginny stared at him. "You got a copy of your own?" she asked, and her heart sped up when he reddened and nodded. "But when did you have time to read it?"

Harry flushed more deeply. "I put it on Aura Libris while I was up on Norbert."

"Oh, Harry." Despite the pain she knew it would cause, Ginny wanted to hug him. He had a copy of her textbook, and he'd made the book read itself aloud to him. Her eyes stung, and she wished she had given Leo to Ron; she wanted her arms back. "That was really good of you -"

Harry waved her off. "I wanted to know what the hell you were doing to me," he said, his voice sharp. "And I don't get Empathy at all."

Ginny nodded. It was a difficult magic to understand, and there was a lot that still escaped her. "Which part don't you get?"

Harry hesitated and looked defensively at her. "You can't control it?" he asked.

"I can a little - I'm pretty good with plants."

"But with people." Harry pushed up his glasses again. "Like - with - well, you're around Sirius a lot."

"Yes." It had hurt to be in the same room with Sirius last week, when he'd come home from Azkaban. "He has a very strong history - very powerful and dark - I always know when he's there."

"But do you - " Harry seemed to be searching for words. He looked terribly frustrated. "Can you be around him?" he finally asked.

"Yes."

Harry avoided her eyes. "But not me," he said.

Ginny ached at the hurt in his voice. "I don't know why," she said quietly, stepping towards him again, and this time, he didn't recoil. "I don't know. It's not the same. I haven't tried to do anything for Sirius, so maybe that's part of it."

"But you've made Wolfsbane Potion for Remus," Harry said. His voice was low and quick, and Ginny realized that these questions must have been building up in him for the last ten days, ever since he'd found her out. "You can be around him."

"I know."

"And that doesn't drain you?"

"It does," Ginny said truthfully. "Don't you remember the first time I made the potion? I thought I was going to be sick."

"But he doesn't hurt you."

"No - not like that."

Harry looked right at her. "Not like me," he corrected grimly.

"I don't know why," she repeated. "I only have guesses." When Harry didn't answer, she realized he was waiting for her to continue. "I... noticed it happened both times when we... when you kissed me."

Harry's cheeks colored. "I kissed you more than twice."

"Not... like that. Not the same thing. When we - when you -" Ginny made a noise of frustration. She was never going to clear things up if she kept acting like a twelve-year-old. She took a breath, held tightly to Leo, and made herself speak like an adult. "I think the trouble is that when I open up to you physically, I take everything on - all of your past and, well, just you, Harry. When you're near me like that, I don't want to shut it out, I just want to let you - " Ginny blushed at herself, and at Harry's sudden change in expression. His chest rose and fell rapidly and he looked half-panicked and half like he might launch himself at her. She forced herself to continue, rapidly telling him everything she'd been theorizing for a week. "I open up to you as much as possible, because that's just... that's just how it is for me. And I don't know, but I think you do the same thing - I think you forget to hold back. You kiss me, and you forget to pretend you're fine, and then everything you keep hidden comes pouring right into me, because I'm too open, and I have this stupid gift that I don't even want -" Ginny stopped, and realized she was panting slightly. She had never wanted to touch him so much.

Harry looked powerfully dazed by this speech; his hands were clenched and his eyes were fixed on her. Ginny gazed back at him, tired of talking. She just wanted to go to him, and she might have done it if the baby hadn't needed both her hands - it wasn't right to stand back from Harry and talk so clinically about the way he made her feel. The wind circled inside the stands again and blew the blanket away from Leo's face. Ginny unthinkingly put it back, not taking her eyes from Harry.

"Can he breathe like that?" Harry asked quietly.

"Yes," Ginny answered at once, glad for the change of subject. "You just keep it loose like this." She showed him, lifting the blanket and putting it back in place. "It's to keep his face from getting too cold, because heads and feet are so sensitive, especially on babies."

"Oh." Harry edged closer. "Won't he freeze out here?"

"No, he's got a little jumper and extra socks and everything, and the blanket's temperature regulated - you know, they charm them especially for infants. He'll be fine." Ginny pulled back the blanket and felt his nose to be sure. "He's all warm," she announced, and nuzzled the baby's fine cloud of hair. "I love holding Leo," she murmured. "He has no fears and no pains and no history. He feels wonderful, to me. He's a relief."

Harry cleared his throat. "I know I... my history or - or whatever - I..." He paused, looking helpless. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Ginny looked up at him and quickly shook her head. "It's not your fault," she said. "Not even a little bit. And I should have told you before it ever happened."

"It still happened." He raked back his hair and when it fell down on his forehead again, it parted over his scar. Ginny couldn't take her eyes off it. "So," he said, gesturing at nothing. "We can never... I mean, if it's going to make you convulse, then..."

"I'll get better at it," Ginny said vehemently. "I'll learn to control it. It can't take that long, and then we -"

"How's it going, you two?"

Ginny whirled toward Angelina's voice; both she and Fred were standing just beside them. Ginny shot her brother a meaningful look, which he chose to ignore.

"Lovely evening for a stroll, eh, Harry?" Fred said wickedly, winking at him. "Mind you get our girl home by daybreak at the very latest -"

"Fred," Angelina warned. "We're going in," she told them. "Wanted to know if either of you wanted my broom so you could fly for a bit. Ron's already taken Fred's, so there's only one."

"No thanks," Harry said.

"That's all right," Ginny agreed, "but would you mind taking Leo? He's getting heavy and I think his mum will want him."

Fred forgot to tease them any further; he held out his arms for his nephew and made an idiot out of himself fussing with the blankets. "Ickle Leo is coldie woldie," he gibbered. "Isn't he? Does him need to go back inside? Hmmm?"

Angelina looked a little worried, and towed Fred away by the sleeve of his robes. "Are you going to act like that towards our children?" Ginny heard her demand as they were swallowed up by the pumpkin-lit darkness. Her question was followed by a decided: "Children?" before they disappeared entirely.

Ginny laughed, glad to have her hands free, and was glad to see Harry laughing, too. In the dark, it was hard to see his lines and shadows. He looked young, and normal, and happy. And he was looking at her.

"I've missed you," she told him on impulse.

He lifted a hand toward her, but didn't seem to know what to do with it.

"What is it, Harry?"

He looked chagrined. "I don't want to hurt you," he said, pulling his hand back again.

Ginny understood. "I think it's all right just to..." she trailed off and moved toward him. Harry hesitated, but only for a moment; when Ginny lightly rested her hands on his shoulders, he carefully slipped his arms around her waist. She sighed, relaxed, and let him pull her close. "Yes, that's fine," she mumbled into his robes, relief flooding her. "This is all right."

Harry rocked her a little bit and she let her arms slide around his neck. Cold air brushed across them, moving the skirt of Ginny's dress robes around her ankles. She shivered a little, and burrowed closer to Harry. She felt a dim, unpleasant, panging sensation in her stomach.

"You can't sense anything?" he asked, after a moment.

Ginny could. She felt his heartbeat, for one thing; it pulsed quickly against her own. She could also feel fear, exhaustion and grief, but decided to answer diplomatically. "I can tell you're having trouble with the Dementors."

"But it isn't painful to you."

She sighed. She didn't want to lie; it had worked out so badly, the last time she'd hidden something from him. He'd find out eventually anyway. "It hurts a little," she admitted, and Harry tried to pull away from her but she clamped her arms around him. "No, don't. Or I'll never get used to it."

"I don't want you to get used to it."

"I have to, by degrees, and build up a tolerance, and learn some sort of control," she explained. "It's all right. I'll tell you when it's not." But though Ginny was working to protect herself as much as possible, her head was already very light, and her stomach had begun to hurt - just slightly - the way it had done in her first few days with Harry. Eventually, if history was anything to go by, she would grow fatigued and sick. And then she would forget to protect herself, and possibly lose consciousness. Possibly cause herself real damage. But she tried to ignore those facts for one more second, because having to let Harry go was in some ways much more painful than having him close.

From far off and above, she thought she heard someone catcall at them, but neither of them stirred.

"Too bad Gryffindor Tower's off limits," Harry said.

Ginny tried to smile, but his energy was getting the better of her. Ten days he'd gone without releasing his edge - ten days of dragon riding and Dementors that she hadn't been able to help with - and now it was emptying out. He didn't have to kiss her to do it. He was simply relaxing and letting her in - no one else had this effect. Ginny scrunched her eyes shut and tried to fight it off. But she couldn't, and she didn't understand it, and there was no one in the world that she could ask for an explanation.

He kissed her cheek very gently and Ginny felt a throb of happiness and one of nausea mingle together in her chest. Unfair, she shouted silently, and hugged him tightly. "Damn," she mumbled. "Damn, damn, damn."

Harry breathed a sigh into her hair, and cursed as well. "It's too much on you, isn't it." It wasn't a question.

"Yes," Ginny said angrily. "Damn it." She lifted her face and looked at him, wanting more of him and knowing that it wasn't going to work. She needed to kiss him. She would kiss him. She tilted up her chin.

"No - don't hurt yourself -" but Harry didn't pull away fast enough. Ginny took his face in her hands and pressed her mouth to his. Instantly, his hands gripped her waist and he kissed her back with the same fierceness. Just as instantly, the knot in her stomach intensified, her brain clenched, and Ginny began to sweat and shake; out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw a flashing light, and though it was the last thing in the world she wanted to do, she had to let him go. She might have fallen if his hands hadn't steadied her.

"Can you stand?" he demanded.

"Not yet." She winced.

"Why did you - Ginny -"

"You know why."

Harry went quiet and held onto her until she was able to step away on her own. "I think a few people saw that," he said, looking up.

Ginny hugged herself. "I don't care."

"Neither do I." Harry watched her for a long moment, and then squared his shoulders. "Now what?" he asked faintly.

"I don't know," she answered, soaking in the way he was looking at her. It made her feel... desired. It made it twice as difficult to stand out of his reach. "I'll work this out." She reached out her hand to him on impulse, froze when she realized what she was doing, and slowly pulled her hand back. "It'll work out," she repeated quietly, looking right at him, her hand still partly suspended in air between them. "It will, because I -" she choked, slightly. It was harder to talk about love, when there was no Expecto Sacrificum to complete. "I - care about you so much," she finished.

Harry didn't answer. He tilted his head to the side and observed her, chewing on the inside of his mouth and frowning slightly, as if he was trying to work out something important. He took a quick breath as if to speak - then paused.

"What?" Ginny prompted at once.

"That part in the book," Harry began, but he stopped and shook his head. "No, never mind."

Ginny tried to smile. "Not fair, you can't do that - now you have to tell me -"

"No." And Harry looked as if he really couldn't. He glanced apologetically at her, then seemed to remember something - his eyes widened and he looked at his watch. "I'm late," he said, sounding panicked. "And I'm not dressed."

"It's all right -"

"No, it's not. It's Charlie's shift I'm taking over."

"But I want to ask you about the dragons - Sirius said something about Norbert being sick and I want to make sure -"

"I'm okay." Harry met her eyes and nodded as if to reassure her. "Honestly, it was a fluke accident - they checked him and he's perfectly safe. There's a virus that dragons can get - like a quick flu - it makes them really difficult to handle. Mick thinks it might've been that. Norbert's fine to ride."

Ginny knew he was telling the truth, but she didn't want to let him go. It took all of her self-possession not to argue with him to stay. "Quick, then," she said, trying to sound like she meant it. "We'll try to talk later."

"Thanks," Harry said. He stepped up, took her arm, and bent his head naturally toward hers. Ginny had almost kissed him goodbye when she felt a bad pain in her stomach. At the same moment, Harry seemed to realize his proximity to her; he pulled hastily back. "Sorry," he muttered. "I forgot."

"No, it's fine," Ginny said, though her body was tense with frustration. "So did I. Go."

He went. Where Harry had just been, there was now empty space.

"Ridiculous," Ginny muttered, clenching her fists and wishing there were someone to punch. The pressure in her body was unbearable. She wanted him to come back, and she wanted to be able to touch him - the idea of waiting made her feel very nearly violent.

"Hey Ginny!" George called from overhead, waving down at her. "Beater spot's open - Lee's going, and he was on a school broom, so you can use it - want to play?"

"Yes!" Ginny yelled, relieved. As soon as she had Lee's broom and bat, she took off into the sky, forgetting she was in dress robes. "Whose team am I on?"

"Mine," Ron called from the goal hoops. "Come over here, I'll tell you what formation we're playing."

But when Ginny reached the hoops, Ron said nothing at all about strategy.

"Looks like things are working out then?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Glad you two sorted out your differences -"

"In front of half the wizarding world," George chimed in, having sneaked up behind her. He tugged on Ginny's hair. "Well, who can blame you? He's got those eyes, hasn't he? They're as green as a fresh pickled -"

"SHUT UP -" Ginny whirled and tried to hit him with her bat. When she didn't succeed, she whirled on Ron, who was laughing, and tried to hit him, too. He dodged and dived, and a bit of something fell out of his pocket. Ginny took aim and dove for it, and was delighted when her hand closed around a thick wad of parchment. "I could've been Seeker if school were open this year!" she said happily, and hovered where she was.

"What is that?" Ron asked, flying towards her. "Hey - did that fall out of my -"

"'Dear Ron,'" Ginny read aloud. "Oh, it's from Hermione."

"Give that here," Ron demanded, holding out his hand. He looked exceptionally pink around the ears.

Grinning, Ginny held the parchment close to her chest. "Why? What could be so bad?" she asked. "It's just from Hermione - here, George, come see what Hermione has to say to Ron."

"Certainly," George said, looking delighted. He flew down and hovered next to Ginny.

"Give it," Ron said angrily, and lunged for them.

Ginny laughed and dove out of his reach. "Don't dish out what you can't take!" she yelled back, and looked down at the letter again. "Sorry you set me up now, aren't you?"

"Don't you read a word -" Ron warned, looking panicked. "That letter's none of your -"

"Are we playing, or what?" came a voice from across the pitch. "Come on, let's go, that's enough strategy back there!"

"We're ready!" Ginny called back, still looking at the parchment. "Oh, but hello," she mused, "this looks like a good part. Listen to this, George. 'You know what's curious?'" she read aloud, affecting Hermione's proper, breathlessly quick tone of voice.

"What's curious, Hermione?" George yelled.

Дата добавления: 2015-11-04