Chapter 3 6 страница

"But why … I mean … you said you broke up because you didn't share the same interests. Was that all there was to it?"

"Yeah. That was really it. In every other area we were really good together."

"Tell me about her," Blair said, seeing that Kylie needed to talk. "Tell me all about her."

"We don't need to do this now," Kylie said. "You've got your own problems."

"Your problems are just as important as mine are, Kylie. Let me in."

The doctor paused a moment, then gave her friend a half-smile. "Stacey used to say that. She didn't think I was very good at talking about things that bothered me."

"You're not," Blair said, smiling at her. "Unless your life is as perfect as you've led me to believe, you really kinda suck at it. You're not a good complainer."

Kylie laughed. "Complaining wasn't allowed in my house. I never got into the habit."

"It's never too late to start a habit," Blair said. "Give it a try."

"Okay, but don't blame me if I start crying on your shoulder once an hour."

"I can handle ya. Give it up, Doc."

"Okay. " Kylie sat in her own chair, then rolled her shoulders a few times, her expression a look of deep concentration. "Stacey was almost perfect for me. I was incredibly attracted to her, I respected her and she made me a better person than I was before I met her."

"That's a lot on the plus side, Kylie."

"Oh, there's more," she said, tucking a leg up beneath herself. "She was very kind and thought about other people a lot. She had more energy and enthusiasm than I do. She was always upbeat and ready to go."

"But …?"

"But we didn't like to spend our time doing the same things."

"That's it?"

"Yep. That's it." Kylie stared out at the yard for a minute, obviously thinking. "I've been wondering if we didn't make a mistake."

"A mistake? How do you mean?"

"Well, I see how you and David were able to have a happy marriage while each enjoying your own interests. Maybe I wanted too much. Maybe it's not possible to have one person fulfill all of your needs."

"I've never found anyone who could," Blair said. "But I've never looked for someone to — so I'm not the ideal person to ask."

Kylie looked at her with a question in her eyes. "You haven't?"

"No, not really. One of the things I liked about David was that he needed alone time as much as I did. My other boyfriends were always so needy."

"Huh." I have never, in my entire life, heard a woman complain about her boyfriend being too needy. It's usually just the opposite.

“They were always pushing me into making a commitment, and I pull away if I feel too much pressure. I went with a guy before David who I really liked, but he was always talking about marriage. I was too young for that kinda talk. It really turned me off."

"Huh." I've gotta think of something to say, or she's gonna think I've been struck mute!

"Are you like that, too?"

"Uhm … no, not at all. Just the opposite, really. I mean, I broke up with a woman I loved because she didn't want to go to the symphony with me. I hated not being with her on the weekends, so I stopped going to the things I liked — then I started to resent her."

"Wow. I can't imagine that. I mean, I thought it would be nice to have David love the arts, but I would never deprive myself of something I loved just because he didn't like it. Don't you enjoy your own company?"

"Yeah, I guess I do, but when I love someone, I want to be with her. That's the whole point, isn't it?"

"I guess it is, if that's how you are. But it seems to me it would be easier to find someone to go to the symphony with than to find someone to love."

“Yeah. You might be right," Kylie said thoughtfully.

"Tell me how you felt when you broke up," Blair said. "How did it affect you?"

"Oh, damn, I was so depressed," Kylie said. "I had dreams of growing old with Stacey. We'd planned on having kids, and I used to dream of how much they'd look like her and act like her. She was such a beautiful person, Blair." She sniffed a little and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "She got me out of my shell — got me to start doing volunteer work. She made me care about the world in general, not just my little corner of it."

"She sounds fantastic, Kylie. What did she do for a living?"

"She was, and still is, the development director for a non-profit corporation that's trying to develop disease-resistant indigenous crops for third world countries. Part of their agenda is to help native people make enough money to resist the lure of cutting down more of the rainforest. It's a big job, but she's really making a difference."

"And she got you involved, too?"

"Yeah." Kylie smiled fondly. "We took a couple of trips to South America for research. I loaded myself up with some simple medical supplies and played doctor in some remote villages while Stacey talked to the people about proper crop rotation and biodiversity. Those were some of the most rewarding weeks of my life."

"Kylie, it sounds like you lost so much!"

"I did," she said. "That's why I have some idea of what you're going through."

"Jesus!" Blair said. "I don't think I lost half of what you did." Her mouth dropped open at the same time Kylie's did, and both women stared at each other. "I can't believe I said that," Blair said, "but it's true." She started to cry again, and Kylie went to her and tucked an arm around her waist. "I miss David, but I miss him because we got along so well. It was so easy to be with him." She looked at Kylie with her red-rimmed eyes and asked, "Do you know what I mean?"

"No," Kylie said. "It was never that easy to be with Stacey. We worked on our relationship all of the time — trying to find ways to get our needs met."

"I meet my own needs," Blair said. "How can you expect someone to do that for you?"

"How can you not?" Kylie asked, truly puzzled. "Why be in a relationship if you're not going to try to fill your partner's needs?"

Blair looked at the doctor for a long time, finally saying, "Do you think I love David?"

"Huh? Jesus, Blair, I don't have any idea. You certainly sound like you do, but I don't know what goes on when you're alone." She leaned over until she could look directly into her friend's eyes. "Why ask a question like that? Do you have doubts about your love?"

"I didn't until now," she said softly. "Your relationship sounds so much … deeper than ours. I don't know," she said glumly. "Compared to how you felt about Stacey, David and I sound like roommates. And you broke up!"

Kylie gazed at her friend for a moment, thinking, Thank God you said that, 'cause I sure didn't want to. "Your relationship is what it is, Blair. Don't try to judge it against other people's."

"I know, I know," Blair said. "But it sounds like you two were really part of each other. David's more of a … I don't know … maybe a companion."

"Whatever he is to you, you miss him, Blair. That's all that matters."

“I do miss him," she said. "I think I’ll go over and see how he's doing. You can manage without me for a while, can’t you?”

“Yeah,” Kylie said. “I think I can carry the load. You just take it easy and try not to get upset. Baby Spencer likes everything to be cool.”

“I’ll call before I come back. I can pick up something for dinner, okay?”

“Do you mind stopping at the market? I really wanna cook tonight. I’m anxious to break in my new kitchen.”

“It’s a deal.”

„G

When Blair returned, Kylie was sitting in the backyard, sipping an iced tea while she read a book. “Hi,” the blonde said, her voice weary.

“Hey, how ya doing?” Kylie asked, getting up. “Have a seat and let me get you some tea. It’s herbal,” she added.

“I should insist on getting it myself, but at this point, I’d chose to die of thirst rather than walk all the way into the kitchen.” Given that they were about twelve feet from the room, Kylie had a pretty good idea of how tired her friend was.

The doctor moved one of the chaise lounges into full shade and said, “Lie down right here and relax. I’ll be back in a sec.” Blair did as she was told, and was nearly asleep when Kylie returned, moments later.

Handing her the tea, Kylie observed, “Those are some pretty swollen eyes you’ve got there. Tough day?”

“Incredibly. David cried more than I did, and he’s not even pregnant. We’re both so sad, Kylie, but neither of us knows how to make this right. I just pray that he’s able to make some progress in therapy.” She yawned heavily and said, “Part of me knows that’s unlikely, though. He has zero respect for the whole process. He thinks therapists are snake oil salesmen.” She looked at her friend and asked, “Mind if I take a nap? This new furniture is lethally comfortable.”

“Let me lower the back for you.” She did and then pulled a chair over and sat next to her friend.

“I know things are going to be very hard for you. Just know that I’ll help in any way I can. I can’t substitute for the love you’re missing out on, but I care for you, Blair. I really do.”

Lower lip quivering, tears rolling down her cheeks, Blair just nodded, then managed to croak out, “I know. And that means so much to me. It's only been a week, but I’m so lonely, Kylie. I miss him so much.”

“I understand,” Kylie whispered, holding her friend in her arms. “I really do.”

“Oh, David said my mom called earlier. Remind me to call her back, will you? My mind's like a sieve nowadays.”

“I’ll remind you. Now you go to sleep, and when you wake up, we’ll have a little dinner.”

“I bought everything on the list you gave me,” she said through a yawn. “Don’t let me sleep out here all night, ‘kay?”

“You got it.” Kylie reached down and unlaced her friend’s running shoes, then tugged on the toe of her sock. “See you later.”

“Kylie?” she said softly. “Thanks for being my friend.”

“Thanks for being mine.”

„G

Two hours later, Blair woke slowly, and Kylie did her best not to laugh at the creases on her face and the drool that darkened her salmon-colored knit shirt. “Did you slip knock-out drops into that tea?” the blonde grumbled.

“Nope. You’re just taking the usual coma-like nap of pregnancy. Get used to it, buddy.”

“I hear that a lot from you doctor types,” the blonde said. “Every time I complain about something to Monique, she tells me to get used to it.”

“Actually, I don’t say that at work. I always say, ‘Hell, yes, I can fix that!’ Obstetricians pull that helpless act. Surgeons are women of action.”

“I’d hate to think of how you’d surgically render me less tired,” she said, “but you probably have some ideas.”

“I’ll think about it while you call your parents. Can I bring you the cordless phone?”

“No, I’ll use my cell. My parents have caller ID.”

“You still haven't told them, huh?”

“Nope, and if I can manage it, they’ll never know. My father would be on the first plane out here. He’s very protective normally, and now that I’m pregnant … it isn’t pretty.”

“Well, I hope you never have to tell them.”

“I normally tell them everything, Kylie, but I don’t want them to think badly of David.”

“I understand,” she said. “I’ll go inside and start dinner. You stay out here and chat for as long as you like.”

“I will as soon as I pee. I can’t miss an opportunity.”

„G

“You’re gonna make some woman a damned fine wife, Doctor Mackenzie,” Blair decided an hour later as she asked for a second helping of the delicious risotto that Kylie had prepared.

“Got you to eat your green vegetables, didn’t I?” the doctor teased. “And you said you didn’t like spinach.”

“I like it plenty when it’s hidden in this delicious rice. Are you sure you’re not Italian?”

“Nope. All Scottish. We're known for our cuisine.”

“Uh-huh," Blair said, nodding. "I haven’t enjoyed a meal this much in well over a month.”

“Glad to oblige. This is a very critical period for the baby, you know, and we want to give him plenty of nutrients to form his central nervous system.”

Blair patted her stomach. “You build a good one, baby. We’re counting on you.” She pushed her plate away, adding, “I hope I gave him enough nutrients, ‘cause I can’t put another bite into my mouth.”

“You did very well,” Kylie said, obviously pleased. “I’m gonna fatten up those cheeks before you leave here.”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll be plenty fat before this is all over. As soon as my all-day sickness passes, I’ll be chowing down big time.”

“You can come over and help me walk my dog,” Kylie offered.

“That reminds me,” Blair said, “I have a house-warming present for you. Let me go to my room and get it.”

“I should say, ‘Oh, Blair, that’s not necessary’ but I love presents. Go get it right now!”

“Such a child,” Blair clucked. “I can’t believe people let you come at them with a scalpel.”

“Time’s awastin’,” Kylie reminded her, tapping the face of her watch with her finger. “Presents now, jokes later.”

Muttering to herself, Blair walked down the hall and organized all of the little things she’d bought. She affixed the bow to the biggest of the presents and put the others in various pre-wrapped boxes. The bundle was ostentatiously large, and as she waddled back down the hall, Kylie exclaimed, “Good God! What do you have there?” In moments, she removed the gifts from her friend’s hands and carried them into the living room.

“Just a few things you’re going to need,” Blair said.

Kylie looked down at the fluffy, sheepskin-covered dog bed, wrapped in a wide ribbon with a big bow attached. Next her eyes traveled to two large boxes. “Uhm … Blair, are there air holes in one of those boxes?”

“Of course not!” she chided, bumping her with her hip.

“Well, I know you’ve been really forgetful, and I thought that maybe ¾”

“Kylie, I did not buy you a dog! That’s like buying you a girlfriend!”

“And the problem with that is …? I have no objection to your bringing in a great big box with a cute little lesbian in it,” she insisted. “I don’t even mind if she bites.”

“Will you open your presents? I know I promised to find you a girlfriend, and believe me, I’m working on it. But I’m not going to have one delivered to the house.”

“I’m a busy woman,” the doctor maintained. “I’m really not very picky — I trust you, Blair.”

“Open your presents,” she repeated, eyes narrowed.

“Oh, all right.” Kylie sat down on the dog bed and scooted around a little. “Nice. I’m sure the dog will sleep with me, but this'll look good to people who don’t know what a softie I am.” She opened the first box to reveal six paperback books, all on the proper way to choose and welcome a puppy into a home. “Cool! I love to read up on stuff before I make a decision!”

“I know that,” Blair said. “I’ve been paying attention, Doctor Mackenzie.”

“Indeed you have,” Kylie said, smiling broadly. She dug into the box again and started to pull out dog toys, revealing chew rings, bones made out of compressed cornstarch and some of ground carrots.

“Those seemed ucky to me, but the guy at the pet store says that puppies love ‘em,” Blair said.

“Maybe I could get you to eat the carrot ones when your stomach’s queasy,” Kylie ventured.

“That doesn’t even deserve a response,” Blair said. “There’s more; keep digging.”

Further investigation produced the world’s tiniest nylon collar, a six-foot leather leash, a pair of adorably decorated ceramic bowls for food and water and a bag of puppy dog food. “Goodness, Blair, there’s everything here but the dog!”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Blair said. She pulled out a card that had been hidden in one of the books and handed it to her friend. “I believe this takes care of everything.” Inside the card, which pictured at least twenty-five different puppies, Blair had written,

Dear Kylie,

As soon as you make up your mind,

I’ll buy you the dog you desire. It’s not the

girlfriend I promised, but it’s a start.

Thanks for everything, but especially for

being my friend when I really needed one.

Blair

“Aw, Blair, now you’ve made me cry,” Kylie protested, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “That’s no fair.”

Blair helped her friend to her feet and gave her a robust hug. “I always buy a client a housewarming present, but I’ll admit this is my first housewarming dog. Happy new home, Kylie.”

"My friends all have nice houses, and their real estate agents gave them bottles of wine or a gift basket with cheese and crackers."

"Well, you're a special client," Blair said. "Very special."

“Thank you, Blair, thank you so much. This means more to me than I can tell you.”

“You just sit down in the kitchen and start reading those books while I do the dishes. I have a feeling you’re the type who likes to yell things out while you read.”

“Doesn’t everyone?” Kylie asked, confused. “I wouldn’t read at all without an audience.”

„G

It might have been the new house or the new bed, but whatever the cause, Blair had a very difficult time getting to sleep and staying asleep. She had to meet a client at 8:00 and knew that part of her problem was that she was obsessing about not sleeping, which only guaranteed that she was unable to. There was a bath adjacent to her room, so she was confident at least that she wasn’t keeping Kylie up with her frequent trips to the bathroom. After her third trip, at 2:00 a.m., she decided to get up and have some warm milk. Padding through the living room, she noted that Kylie's light was on. Assuming that her friend had left the light on when she fell asleep, Blair knocked softly.

To her surprise, the knock was met with a, “C’mon in,” so she opened the door and poked her head in. Kylie was lying atop the covers, resting on her stomach, head braced on her hands. All six of the books that Blair had given her were spread across the surface of her king-sized bed, and a legal pad lay amidst the jumble as well. A pen was tucked between her teeth, and when she looked up at Blair, she furrowed her brow and mumbled, “Well, it’s down to an Italian greyhound, Tibetan terrier, soft-coated wheaten terrier, bichon frise or a bulldog.”

Eyes wide, Blair asked, “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“No,” she said absently. “I don’t work tomorrow, so I can sleep in.” With her scowl growing, she said, “I’ve got to get this figured out. I want to get the dog tomorrow, you know.”

Blair marched over to her and extended her hand. “The pen.” Giving her a curious look, Kylie took it from her mouth, wiped it dry on the sheet and handed it over. Blair stuck it behind her ear, then picked up most of the books and put them on the dresser. The legal pad and the remaining books were whisked away as well, and when the surface of the bed was clean, she ordered, “Get up.” Still compliant, Kylie got up, watching as Blair folded the covers back. “Lie down.” Once again, she did as she was told immediately, smiling tentatively when the covers were brought up and tucked up under her arms — after she had been ordered to lift them, of course. “You are not buying a dog tomorrow. You may dream of dogs while you sleep, but that’s the best I can offer. When I get back from my meeting, we’ll talk about this, but you have to do more research than just read a few books, Kylie. I won’t have you making a rash judgment about this. Understand?”

The dark head nodded, guiltily. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Now go to sleep. Two insomniacs in one house is one too many.” She leaned over and kissed the top of her head, and by the time she hit the door, she could hear the soft breathing that characterized her friend’s sleep. Ohh, that’s cruel, Kylie Mackenzie. That’s beyond cruel.

„G

Blair’s meeting lasted the entire morning, and by the time she got home, she was ready for bed. Kylie was sitting at the kitchen table, dog books spread in front of her, also looking like she could use a long nap. She looked up when Blair entered, cocked her head and asked, “Breakfast? Lunch? Brunch?”

Walking by her, Blair ruffled her disordered hair and said, “I had a bagel and some fruit an hour ago. I’m fine.” Walking over to the sink, she picked up her bottle of vitamins and shook a pair of them into her hand. “I think I’ll even be able to keep these babies down today.” She took them with water, making a face as they went down. “Now comes the countdown. If they'll stay down for fifteen minutes, the odds are good that I'll keep 'em.” Coming back over to the table, she took a seat and gave Kylie a mildly sheepish look. “Sorry to be grumbling already. I’m awfully bitchy when I don’t sleep.”

“You’re not so bad. I’m a little grouchy myself, to be honest. I was planning on lying around and napping all day. Wanna join me?”

“Sure. Sounds like my kinda Sunday.” She picked up a book and said, “Sorry about last night. I’m not usually so autocratic. It just pissed me off that you could sleep and were choosing not to!” She chuckled at herself. “I’m so envious of people who can sleep through the night that it amazes me.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. I didn’t mind a bit.” She looked mildly embarrassed and said, “I’ve lived alone for too long, Blair. It felt great to have someone care about me.” With a pensive look she continued, “It reminded me a little of my mom when I was young. She’d always come into my room and confiscate my portable stereo or a book that I was trying to finish. When I get into something, I have a hard time putting it down. I kinda need some supervision.”

Seeing the sad look in her eyes, Blair reached out and covered one of her friend’s hands. “Are you lonely, Kylie? You seem so self-sufficient. I guess I just assumed you liked living alone.”

“I hate it,” she admitted quietly. “I grew up with eleven people in the house — seven kids, my parents and my father’s parents. We always had a couple of dogs, and my oldest sister had two cats. I really like having people around. It doesn’t feel like home when I’m alone.” She shook her head. “I’m sure you noticed that my condo looked like I was just passing through. I lived there for eighteen years, and I didn’t even bother to decorate it. I always thought that I’d fall in love and buy a real home that my partner and I would decorate.” She closed the book right in front of her and turned away from Blair to gaze outside. After a moment, she said, “I had to admit defeat to get myself to buy this house. I can’t wait my whole life for something I’m not going to get.”

“Do you mind talking about this, Kylie? I don’t want to dig into your personal life if you’d rather keep it private.”

“No, I don’t mind,” she said, turning back and smiling gently. “I don’t have secrets from you.”

Blair looked down at the table, collecting her thoughts. “Why do you think it hasn’t happened? I can’t imagine a more appealing woman.”

“Thanks,” she said, a nervous laugh accompanying the word. “I don’t mean to be immodest, but I think I’m a pretty good catch, too.” She thought for a few seconds. “I think it’s mostly a matter of timing. Most people want to partner up when they’re young or at least younger than forty. It sounds trite, but most of the great women around my age are taken.”

“You never cared for anyone before Stacey?"

"Not enough to partner with permanently. Remember, I didn’t get out of medical school until I was twenty-six, then I spent seven years doing my surgical residency. I barely had time to shower, much less date. The smart guys were the ones who married right out of college or med school. Then they had someone to take care of them during the horrors of the residency program. I used to envy those guys, having a woman waiting at home for them after a seventy-two hour shift on call.”

“Did you have a girlfriend in college?”

“Not a steady one,” she said. “I had to work my butt off in college — this was during the time when medical schools were turning away piles and piles of qualified applicants. If you didn’t have a 4.0, you didn’t even bother to apply. And getting out of the U of C with a 4.0 took a lot of work. But even if I’d had time, I didn’t want to get tied down at that point, since I knew I wanted to go to California for med school. And once I got to California, I … I really enjoyed being young and free and …”

“Good looking and charming and sexy as all get out and a great catch …” Blair impishly supplied.

“Well,” Kylie admitted, “I did have a couple of years there where I was having a fair amount of success with women. It was a pretty heady time, Blair. I mean, one of the things that makes you a good surgeon is a certain bravado, and I had that in spades.”

“You still do,” Blair said.

“Oh, not like I did then,” Kylie insisted. “I was insufferable. But that all stopped abruptly when I entered my residency program. I don’t think I had two dates in seven years. When I hit the sheets, all I wanted to do was sleep — alone.”

“What about after that?”

“I started to date again as soon as I began my practice, and I met some nice women, but no one really clicked. I met Stacey when I was 35, and since then — nothing. My friends try to fix me up, but it’s not like they all have a bounty of available lesbians hanging around. I play cards and go to family events with my doctor friends, I socialize a little with the guys in my practice, and I monopolize a lot of Nick’s time going to cultural events. If he ever finds a steady woman, I’m going to have to start hiring an escort.”

“Aren't any of your doctor friends lesbians?"

"Nope. All straight. All married."

Дата добавления: 2015-09-04