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As for Anita, she survived too. Now she is the benign grandmother to Marlon's three children. She's a kind of elder and icon in the fashion world, in which she involves herself; people see her as a source of inspiration. And she's developed her green thumb lately. I know a bit about gardening, but I think she knows more than I do. She took care of my trees in Redlands. She chopped off the ivy. The trees were being choked to death by ivy, several of them. I gave her a machete. And the trees are blooming again; the ivy's gone. She knows what to do. She has an allotment somewhere in London that she cultivates; rides down on her bicycle.

P atti and I had been together for four years by December 1983. I loved her soul and I knew in my heart I wanted to make this thing legitimate. And I was coming up to my fortieth birthday. What was more appropriate? We'd been shooting videos in Mexico City, for "Undercover of the Night," with Julien Temple, who shot many of our videos in those days. We shot three or four movies in Mexico while we were there. And at the end I decided, right, fuck it, time off, go down to Cabo San Lucas, then a small town with two hotels on the beach, one of which was the Twin Dolphin.

We have "conferences," me and my friends scattered across the globe, group meetings--sitting conferences, like bishops' conferences, ready to be convened at any time. There's the Eastern and the Western in the USA, which are straightforward, but the one that was nuts was the Southwestern conference, much of which took place in New Mexico. The names of its members: Red Dog; Gary Ashley, who's now dead and gone; Stroker, real name Dicky Johnson. They're called the Southwestern conference because you'd never see them east of the Mississippi. They're a solid bunch, absolute madmen, all of them. They brook no interference from sanity, bless their hearts. I'd hung with these guys on many occasions. I got to Cabo San Lucas on this trip, and within a week, I'd met Gregorio Azar, who had a house there. Gregorio's father owns Azar nuts, which was the biggest nut business in the Southwest. He'd heard I was staying at the Twin Dolphin, which is one of the few hotels there. I didn't know him at the time, but he knew all of the other Southwest conference guys, came out with the right names at the right time. A friend of Gary Ashley and Red Dog? Cool, come on in. And so we started to hang and he was co-opted.

I proposed to Patti on the rooftop of Gregorio's house in Cabo San Lucas. Come on, let's get married on my birthday. She said, do you mean it? I said yeah. Immediately she jumped on my back. I didn't feel anything, but I just heard something go snap and I looked down and there's two beautiful fountains of blood coming out from behind my toenail. Within five seconds of me saying, yeah, I mean it, she broke my toe. Next time it'll be the heart, right? Half an hour later it had started to throb and then I was on a crutch for the next two weeks. A few days before our wedding day, I found myself running through the Mexican desert on a crutch with a black coat and chasers on. We'd had a fight, Patti and I, some premarriage thing, I don't know what it was about, but here I was, hobbling through cacti, chasing her into the desert, "Come here, you bitch!" like Long John Silver.

On the day before the wedding, Gregorio says to me, by the way, have you heard about this German chick with the big Mercedes bus and the tepee? And I went chilled. She's German? Big Mercedes bus? Tepee? Get out of here. The bus was parked on a beach in Cabo San Lucas. I knew from magazines that Uschi Obermaier had been traveling the hippie trail through Afghanistan, Turkey and India in recent years, with this huge bus, fur lined and with a sauna in it. She was traveling with her husband, Dieter Bockhorn. I knew for sure that she was in Cabo San Lucas when I opened the door of my room in the Twin Dolphin, which is right on the beach, and there was this little vase of flowers outside. There could have been no stranger or weirder coincidence than this--for us to meet on the eve of my wedding in this remote part of Mexico, about as far as you could get from Afghanistan or Germany or anywhere Uschi had been. What was she doing here? And then Uschi and Dieter came by, and I told her I was getting married and I was very much in love with Patti. We talked about the intervening years, rumors of her demise--and the reality, which was her travels in her bus through the world, through India and Turkey and God knows where. A few nights later, on New Year's Eve, Dieter was killed on his motorcycle, his severed head, still in his helmet, on one side of the road; his body had gone over the bridge. I went to see Uschi. There was a big black dog barking in the doorway. Who's there? I said, it's the Englishman. The door opened. I've heard what's happened. Is there anything I can do to help? She said, thank you but no, I have friends and everything is being taken care of. So I left Uschi in these bizarre and tragic circumstances, our most unlikely meetings having been framed by shock and grief, first mine and then hers.

Doris and Bert came for our wedding ceremony, the first time they'd met in twenty years, and Angela locked them in a room and forced them to talk to each other. Marlon came; Mick was the best man. Four years Patti and I had been together, four years of road testing, and I'd expended enough sperm to fertilize the whole world, and no babies. Not that I really expected to have children by Patti. "I can't have babies," she'd said. Well, I guess you can't! But it's not the reason I'm gonna marry you. Put that little curtain ring round her finger and in six months guess what? "I'm pregnant." So the dungeon that we were planning, no, it's going to be a nursery now. All right, paint it pink and put a cot in, take the chains off the walls, get the mirrors down. I thought by then I'd done my fathering bit, with Marlon and Angela. They're growing up all right, we've done it and we've made it. No more diapers. But no! Here comes another one. Her name's Theodora. And then a year later another one, Alexandra. Little T&A. And they weren't even a gleam in my eye when I wrote that song.

Jane Rose

Chapter Twelve

solo deals and skulduggery. World War III breaks out--between the Glimmer Twins. I ally myself with Steve Jordan and make a difficult film with Chuck Berry, then cut loose and form the X-Pensive Winos. Reunion with Mick in Barbados; Voodoo, the rescued cat (opposite), and his lounge; rebirth of the Stones and the start of the megatours with Steel Wheels. Bridges to Babylon and four songs with a parallel narrative.

I t was the beginning of the '80s when Mick started to become unbearable. That's when he became Brenda, or Her Majesty, or just Madam. We were in Paris, back at Pathe Marconi, in November and December of 1982, working on songs for Undercover. I went to WHSmith, the English bookshop on the Rue de Rivoli. I forget the title of the book, but there it was, some lurid novel by Brenda Jagger. Gotcha, mate! Now you're Brenda whether you know it or like it or not. He certainly didn't like it. It took him ages to find out. We'd be talking about "that bitch Brenda" with him in the room, and he wouldn't know. But there's a terrible thing that starts, and it's very much like the way Mick and I behaved towards Brian. Once you release that acid, it begins to corrode.

This situation was a culmination of things that had been going on for several years. The immediate problem was that Mick had developed an overriding desire to control everything. As far as he was concerned, it was Mick Jagger and them. That was the attitude that we all got. It didn't matter how much he tried, he couldn't stop appearing, to himself at least, as numero uno. Now there was Mick's world, which was a socialite world, and our world. This didn't work at all well with keeping a band together or keeping them happy. Oh dear me, after all these years, the swollen head's arrived. He'd gotten to where it wouldn't fit through the doorway. The band, including myself, were now basically hirelings. That had always been his attitude to everyone else, but never to the band. When it dripped over onto us, that was it.

An inflated ego is always very difficult in a band, especially a band that's been going a long time, and is tight, and really relies upon, at least amongst its members, a certain bizarre integrity. The band is a team. It's very democratic in a way. Everything has to be decided between us--it's so much for a left leg from the top of the knee, and so much for your testicles. Anybody that tries to elevate himself above the others endangers himself. Charlie and I would raise our eyes to the ceiling. Do you believe that? And for a while we just put up with it when Mick tried to take the whole thing over. When you think about it, we'd been together twenty-five years or so before the shit really hit the fan. So the view was, this was bound to happen. This happens to all bands eventually, and now's the test. Does it hold together?

It must have been pretty bad for anyone around us who worked on Undercover. A hostile, discordant atmosphere. We were barely talking or communicating, and if we were, we were bickering and sniping. Mick attacking Ronnie, me defending him. Eventually, in the Pathe Marconi studios in Paris, trying to finish the album, Mick would come in from midday until five p.m. and I'd appear from midnight until five a.m. It was only the early skirmishing, the phony war. The work itself wasn't bad, somehow; the album did well.

Well, Mick got very big ideas. All lead singers do. It's a known affliction called LVS, lead vocalist syndrome. There had been early symptoms, but it was now rampant. A video display in the stadium in Tempe, Arizona, where the Stones were performing and Hal Ashby was shooting Let's Spend the Night Together announced, "Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones." Since when? Mick was a controller of every detail, and it was no producer's oversight. The shots were excised.

If you combine congenital LVS with a nonstop bombardment of flattery every waking moment over years and years, you can start to believe the incoming. Even if you're not flattered by flattery or you're anti-flattery, it will go to your head; it will do something to you. And even if you don't completely believe it, you say, well, everybody else does--I'll roll with it. You forget that it's just part of the job. It's amazing how even quite sensible people like Mick Jagger could get carried away by it. Actually believe they were special. I've had problems ever since I was nineteen with people saying, you're fantastic, and you know you ain't. Downfall, boy. I could see how other people were sucked in so easily; I became a puritan in that respect. I will never go that way. I'll disfigure myself. Which I did, by letting some teeth fall out. I'm not playing this game. I'm not in show business. Playing the music is the best I can do, and I know it's worth a listen.

M ick had become uncertain, had started second-guessing his own talent--that seemed, ironically, to be at the root of the self-inflation. For many years through the '60s, Mick was incredibly charming and humorous. He was natural. It was electrifying the way he could work those small spaces, as a singer and as a dancer; fascinating to watch and work with--the spins, the moves. He never thought about it. That performance was exciting without him appearing to do anything. And he's still good, even though to my mind it's dissipated on the big stages. That's what people have wanted to see: spectacle. But it's not necessarily what he's best at.

Somewhere, though, he got unnatural. He forgot how good he was in that small spot. He forgot his natural rhythm. I know he disagrees with me. What somebody else was doing was far more interesting to him than what he was doing. He even began to act as if he wanted to be someone else. Mick is quite competitive, and he started to get competitive about other bands. He watched what David Bowie was doing and wanted to do it. Bowie was a major, major attraction. Somebody had taken Mick on in the costume and bizarreness department. But the fact is, Mick could deliver ten times more than Bowie in just a T-shirt and a pair of jeans, singing "I'm a Man." Why would you want to be anything else if you're Mick Jagger? Is being the greatest entertainer in show business not enough? He forgot that it was he who was new, who created and set the trends in the first place, for years. It's fascinating. I can't figure it out. It's almost as if Mick was aspiring to be Mick Jagger, chasing his own phantom. And getting design consultants to help him do it. No one taught him to dance, until he took dance lessons. Charlie and Ronnie and I quite often chuckle when we see Mick out there doing a move that we know some dance instructor just laid on him, instead of being himself. We know the minute he's going plastic. Shit, Charlie and I have been watching that ass for forty-odd years; we know when the moneymaker's shaking and when it's being told what to do. Mick's taken up singing lessons, but that may be to preserve his voice.

C oming back after a few months apart, I realized that Mick's taste in music had often changed quite drastically. He wanted to lay on me the latest hit he heard at a disco. But it's already been done, pal. At the time we were doing Undercover in 1983, he was just trying to out-disco everybody. It all sounded to me like some rehash of something he heard in a club one night. Already five years earlier, on Some Girls, we'd got "Miss You" out of it, which was one of the best disco records of all time. But Mick was chasing musical fashion. I had a lot of problems with him trying to second-guess the audience. This is what they're into this year. Yeah, what about next year, pal? You just become one of the crowd. And anyway, that's never the way we've worked. Let's just do it the way we've always done it, which is do we like it? Does it pass our test? When it comes down to it, Mick and I wrote our first song in a kitchen. That's as big as the world is. If we'd been thinking about how the public was going to react, we'd never have made a record. I also understood Mick's problem, because lead singers always get into this competition: what's Rod doing, what's Elton doing, David Bowie, what's he up to?

It gave him a spongelike mentality when it came to music. He'd hear something in a club and a week later he'd think he wrote it. And I'd say, no, that's actually a total lift. I've had to check him on that. I've played him songs that I've come up with, ideas... He says, that's nice, and we fiddle about for a bit and leave it alone. A week later he'll come back and say, look, I've just written this. And I know it's totally innocent, because he wouldn't be that dumb. The writers' credits under "Anybody Seen My Baby?" include K.D. Lang and a cowriter. My daughter Angela and her friend were at Redlands and I was playing the record and they start singing this totally different song over it. They were hearing K.D. Lang's "Constant Craving." It was Angela and her friend that copped it. And the record was about to come out in a week. Oh shit, he's lifted another one. I don't think he's ever done it deliberately; he's just a sponge. So I had to call up Rupert and all of the heavy-duty lawyers, and I said, have this checked out right now, otherwise we're going to be sued. And within twenty-four hours, I got a phone call: you're right. We had to include K.D. Lang in the writing credits.

I used to love to hang with Mick, but I haven't gone to his dressing room in, I don't think, twenty years. Sometimes I miss my friend. Where the hell did he go? I know when the shit hits the fan, I can guarantee he'll be there for me, as I would be for him, because that's beyond any contention. I think over the years Mick has become more and more isolated. I can understand it in a way. I try and avoid isolating myself, but even so, you often need to insulate yourself from what's going on. In recent years, if I ever watch an interview with Mick, at the base of it he's going, what do you want out of me? A defensive charm comes on. What do they want from you? They want some answers, obviously, to some questions. But what are you so scared of giving away? Or is it just the act of giving away something for free? And you can imagine how, if you were Mick at that time, in his high days, everybody wanted a piece, and how difficult it was. But his way of dealing with it was that he would start to slowly treat everybody that defensive way. Not just strangers, but his best friends. Until it came to the point where I would say something to him and I could tell from that look in his eyes that he was wondering, what's Keith's gain? And I didn't have one! The siege mentality builds up. Now you've built the wall, but can you get out?

I don't know quite how to put the finger on where and when this all happened. He used to be a lot warmer. But not for many, many years. He put himself in the fridge, basically. First it was, what do other people want out of me? and then he closed the circle until I was on the outside too.

For me it's very painful, because he still is a friend of mine. Jesus Christ, he's given me enough grief over my life. But he's one of my mates, and to me it's a personal failure not to have been able to turn him around to the joys of friendship and just bring him down to earth.

We've been through so many different periods together. I love the man dearly. But it was a long time ago that we could be that close. We have a respect, I guess, for now, with a deeper, under-rooted friendship. Do you know Mick Jagger? Yeah, which one? He's a nice bunch of guys. It's up to him which one you meet. He chooses on the day whether he's going to be distant or flippant or "my mate," which doesn't ever come off very well.

And I think maybe in recent years he's realized that he's become isolated. He actually talks to the crew at times! In years past he wouldn't even know their names or bother to learn them. When he got on the plane on tour, crew members would say, "How you doing, Mick?" and he just walked straight by. Me and Ronnie and Charlie too. He was famous for it. Yet these people were the ones that could make you sound and look great or like crap if they wanted to. In that sense he made things difficult, but if Mick wasn't making things difficult you'd think he was ill.

Just when he was at his most insufferable, a bombshell was dropped onto our assembled gathering. In 1983, we were a growing concern. There was a multi-record deal with CBS and its president, Walter Yetnikoff, for twenty-odd million dollars. What I didn't know until a good while later was that on the back of that deal, Mick had made his own deal with CBS for three solo records for millions of dollars, without a word to anybody in the band.

I don't care who you are, you don't piggyback on a Rolling Stones deal. Mick felt free to do that. It was total disregard for the band. And I'd rather have found out about it before it went down. I was incensed. We didn't build this band up to stab each other in the back.

It became clear how much earlier the plans had been laid. Mick was the big star, and Yetnikoff and others were fully behind the idea of him taking off on a solo career--all of which flattered Mick and encouraged his takeover plans. In fact, Yetnikoff let it be known later that everyone at CBS was thinking that Mick could be as big as Michael Jackson and they were actively promoting it, and Mick was going along with it. So the real purpose of the Rolling Stones deal was for Mick to ride in on top of it.

I thought it was just a dumb move, basically. He didn't realize that by doing something else he was breaking a certain image in the public mind that is very fragile. Mick was in a unique position as lead singer of the Stones, and he should have read a little more into what that actually meant. Anybody can get bigheaded once in a while and think, I can do this with any old band. But obviously he proved it's not true. I can understand somebody wanting to kick the traces. I like to play with other people and do something else, but in his case he had nothing really in mind except being Mick Jagger without the Rolling Stones.

The way it was done was just so tacky. I could have maybe understood it if the Stones were flopping, like the rat leaving the sinking ship. But the fact is the Stones were doing very well and all we had to do was keep it together. Instead of losing four, five years in the wilderness and then having to pull it all together again. Everybody felt betrayed. What happened to the friendship? He couldn't have told me from the beginning that he was thinking of doing something else?

What really pissed me off at the time was Mick's compulsion to cultivate buddy relationships with CEOs, in this case Yetnikoff. Incessant telephone calls to impress them with his knowledge, letting them know that he was on top of it, when actually no one guy's on top of it. And annoying everyone with his constant interference in places where people who are paid fortunes know how to do it better than he does.

Our only strength was in distance, in a united front. That's how we did the Decca deal. We just stood there in shades and intimidated them into one of the best record deals of all time. My theory on working with record people is never to talk to them personally except on social occasions. You never get that close to them; you never get involved in the daily da da da --you pay somebody to do that. Asking about budgets for advertising and... "Hey, Walter, where's the...?," making yourself personally available to the guy you're working with? You reduce yourself, diminish your power. You reduce the band. Because it's "Jagger's on the phone again." "Oh, tell him to call me later." That's what happens. I like Walter very much; I think he's great. But Mick actually pulled the rug from under us by getting too familiar with him.

There was a rare moment, in late 1984, of Charlie throwing his drummer's punch--a punch I've seen a couple of times and it's lethal; it carries a lot of balance and timing. He has to be badly provoked. He threw this one at Mick. We were in Amsterdam for a meeting. Mick and I weren't on great terms at the time, but I said, c'mon, let's go out. And I lent him the jacket I got married in. We got back to the hotel about five in the morning and Mick called up Charlie. I said, don't call him, not at this hour. But he did, and said, "Where's my drummer?" No answer. He puts the phone down. Mick and I were still sitting there, pretty pissed--give Mick a couple of glasses, he's gone--when, about twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the door. There was Charlie Watts, Savile Row suit, perfectly dressed, tie, shaved, the whole fucking bit. I could smell the cologne! I opened the door and he didn't even look at me, he walked straight past me, got hold of Mick and said, "Never call me your drummer again." Then he hauled him up by the lapels of my jacket and gave him a right hook. Mick fell back onto a silver platter of smoked salmon on the table and began to slide towards the open window and the canal below it. And I was thinking, this is a good one, and then I realized it was my wedding jacket. And I grabbed hold of it and caught Mick just before he slid into the Amsterdam canal. It took me twenty-four hours after that to talk Charlie down. I thought I'd done it when I took him up to his room, but twelve hours later, he was saying, "Fuck it, I'm gonna go down and do it again." It takes a lot to wind that man up. "Why did you stop him?" My jacket, Charlie, that's why!

By the time we gathered in Paris to record Dirty Work in 1985, the atmosphere was bad. The sessions had been delayed because Mick was working on his solo album, and now he was busy promoting it. Mick had come with barely any songs for us to work on. He'd used them up on his own record. And he was often just not there at the studio.

So I began writing a lot more on my own for Dirty Work, different kinds of songs. The horrendous atmosphere in the studio affected everybody. Bill Wyman almost stopped turning up; Charlie flew back home. In retrospect I see that the tracks were full of violence and menace: "Had It with You," "One Hit (to the Body)," "Fight." We made a video of "One Hit (to the Body)" that more or less told the story--we nearly literally came to blows, over and above our acting duties. "Fight" gives some idea of brotherly love between the Glimmer Twins at this juncture. Gonna pulp you to a mess of bruises 'Cos that's what you're looking for There's a hole where your nose used to be Gonna kick you out of my door. Gotta get into a fight Can't get out of it Gotta get into a fight.

And there was "Had It with You": I love you, dirty fucker Sister and a brother Moaning in the moonlight Singing for your supper 'Cos I had it I had it I had it with you I had it I had it I had it with you.... It is such a sad thing To watch a good love die I've had it up to here, babe I've got to say goodbye 'Cos I had it I had it I had it with you And I had it I had it I had it with you.

That was the kind of mood I was in. I wrote "Had It with You" in Ronnie's front room in Chiswick, right on the banks of the Thames. We were waiting to go back to Paris, but the weather was so dodgy that we were stranded until the Dover ferry started rolling again. Peter Cook and Bert were hanging about. There was no heating, and the only way to keep warm was to turn on the amps. I don't think I'd ever written a song before, apart maybe from "All About You," in which I realized I was actually singing about Mick.

Mick's album was called She's the Boss, which said it all. I've never listened to the entire thing all the way through. Who has? It's like Mein Kampf. Everybody had a copy, but nobody listened to it. As to his subsequent titles, carefully worded, Primitive Cool, Goddess in the Doorway, which it was irresistible not to rechristen "Dogshit in the Doorway," I rest my case. He says I have no manners and a bad mouth. He's even written a song on the subject. But this record deal of Mick's was bad manners beyond any verbal jibes.

Just by the choice of material, it seemed to me he had really gone off the tracks. It was very sad. He wasn't prepared not to make an impact. And he was upset. But I can't imagine why he thought it would fly. This is where I felt Mick had lost touch with reality.

No matter what Mick's doing or what his intentions are, I'm not sitting around festering, nurturing venom. My attention, anyway, was turned suddenly and forcibly, in December 1985, to the shattering news that Ian Stewart had died.

He died of a heart attack, aged forty-seven. I was waiting for him that afternoon in Blakes Hotel off the Fulham Road. He was going to meet me after he'd seen his doctor. Around three in the morning, I got a call from Charlie. "Are you still waiting for Stu?" I said yes. "Well, he's not coming" was Charlie's way of breaking the news. The wake was held at his golf course at Leatherhead, Surrey. He'd have appreciated the joke that this was the only way he'd ever get us there. We played a tribute gig to Stu at the 100 Club--the first time we'd been on stage together in four years. Stu was the hardest hit I had ever had, apart from my son dying. At first you're anesthetized, you go on as if he's still there. And he did remain there, turning up one way or another for a very long time. He still does. The things that go through your mind are the things that make you laugh, that keep you close, like his jutting-jawed way of speaking.

He looms still, as when I remember how he cracked over Jerry Lee Lewis. At the beginning my love for "the Killer's" playing diminished me in Stu's soul. "Bloody fairy pounding away" comes to mind as a typical Stu response. Then, about ten years later, Stu came to me one night and said, "I must admit some redeeming factors in Jerry Lee Lewis." Out of the blue! And this between takes. Now that's looming.

He never broached the subject of life and death except if somebody else croaked. "The silly sod. Asking for it." When we went up to Scotland for the first time, Stu pulled over and asked someone, "Can you nae tell me the way to the Odeon?"--Stu being a very proud Scotsman, from Kent. Stu was a law unto himself, in his cardigans and polo shirts. When we had expanded into the mega stadiums and satellite television, thousands in the audience, he'd come on stage in his Hush Puppies, with his cup of coffee and his cheese sandwich, which he put on the piano while he played.

I got really mad at him for leaving me, which is my normal reaction when a friend or somebody I love croaks when they're not supposed to. He left many legacies. Chuck Leavell, from Dry Branch, Georgia, who had been in the Allman Brothers, was a Stu protege and appointee. He first played keyboards on tour with us in 1982 and became a permanent fixture on all subsequent tours. By the time Stu died, Chuck had been working with the Stones for several years. If I croak, God forbid, said Stu, Leavell's the man. Maybe when he said that, he knew he was ill. He also said, "Don't forget that Johnnie Johnson is alive and well and still playing in Saint Louis." And it was all in the same year. Maybe a doctor had told him, you've got so long to go.

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