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А Meeting with Carl Luce

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ST-R. I sat down at the bar &had a couple of Scotch&sodas. I stood up when I ordered them so they could see how tall I was. Finally old Luce showed up. Old Luce. What a guy. When I was at Whooton, the only thing he ever did was give these sex talks &all. He was a pretty intelligent guy, though. He really was.

LUCE. Can only stay a couple of minutes. Have a date.

STORYTELLER. He never said hello or anything when he met you.

LUCE. Dry Martini. Make it very dry, and no olive.

HOLDEN. Hey, I got a flit for you. At the end of the bar. Don’t look now. I been saving him for ya.

LUCE. Very funny. Same old Caulfield. When are you going to grow up?

STORYTELLER. I bored him a lot. I really did. He amused me, though.

HOLDEN. How’s your sex life?

STORYTELLER. He hated you to ask him stuff like that.

LUCE. Relax. Just sit back and relax, for Chrissake

H-N. I’m relaxed. Listen, hey,Luce. You’re one of these intellectual guys. I need your advice. I’m in a terrific—

L. (big groan) Listen, Caulfield. If you want to sit here &have a quiet, peaceful drink &a quiet, peaceful conver—

HOLDEN. All right, all right. Relax.

STORYTELLER. You could tell he didn’t feel like discussing anything serious with me.

H. No kidding, how’s your sex life? You still going around with that same babe? The one with the terrific—

LUCE. Good God, no.

HOLDEN. How come? What happened to her?

LUCE. haven’t the faintest idea. For all I know, since you ask, she’s probably... (whispers, laughing)

HOLDEN. That isn’t nice. If she was decent enough to let you get sexy with her all the time, you at least shouldn’t talk about her that way.

LUCE. Oh, God! Is this going to be a typical Caulfield conversation? I want to know right now.

STORYTELLER. I felt like getting stinking drunk.

HOLDEN. Who’re you going around with now? You feel like telling me?

LUCE. Nobody you know.

HOLDEN. Yeah, but who? I might know her.

LUCE. lives in the Village. Sculptress. If you must know.

HOLDEN. Yeah? No kidding? How old is she?

LUCE. I’ve never asked her, for God’s sake.

HOLDEN. Well, around how old?

LUCE. I should imagine she’s in her late thirties.

HOLDEN. In her late thirties? Yeah? You like that? You like ’em that old?

STORYTELLER. The reason I was asking was because he really knew quite a bit about sex and all.

LUCE. I like a mature person, if that’s what you mean. Certainly.

HOLDEN. You do? Why? No kidding, they better for sex and all?

LUCE. Listen.I refuse to answer any typical Caulfield questions tonight.When in hell are you going to grow up?

HOLDEN. Listen. How long you been going around with her, this sculpture babe?

STORYTELLER. I was really interested.

LUCE. She just arrived in this country a few months ago.

HOLDEN. She did? Where’s she from?

LUCE. She happens to be from Shanghai.

HOLDEN. No kidding! She Chinese, for Chrissake?

LUCE. Obviously.

HOLDEN. No kidding! Do you like that? Her being Chinese?

LUCE. Obviously.

HOLDEN. Why? I’d be interested to know—I really would.

LUCE. I simply happen to find Eastern philosophy more satisfactory than Western. Since you ask.

HOLDEN. You do? Wuddaya mean ‘philosophy’? Ya mean sex&all? You mean it’s better in China?

LUCE. Not necessarily in China, for God’s sake. The East I said. Must we go on with—

HOLDEN. Listen, I’m serious. No kidding. Why’s it better in the East?

LUCE. They simply happen to regard sex as both a physical and a spiritual experience. If you think I’m—

H-N. So do I! I really do. But it depends on who the hell I’m doing it with. If I’m with somebody I don’t even—

LCE. Not so loud,for God’s sake,Caulfield.If you can’t manage to keep your voice down, let’s drop the whole—

HOLDEN. All right, but listen.

STORYTELLER. I was getting excited and I was talking a little too loud.

HLDN. This is what I mean,though.I know it’s supposed to be physical&spiritual,&artistic&all. But what I mean is, you can’t do it with every girl. Can you?

LUCE. Let’s drop it. Do you mind?

HOLDEN. All right, but listen. Take you and this Chinese babe. What’s so good about you two?

LUCE. Drop it, I said.

STRTLER. He really amused me.

HOLDEN. Maybe I’ll go to China. My sex life is lousy.

LUCE. Naturally. Your mind is immature.

HDN. It is. It really is. I know it. You know what the trouble with me is? I can never get really sexy—I mean re-ally sexy—with a girl I don’t like a lot. Boy, it really screws up my sex life something awful. My sex life stinks.

LUCE. Naturally it does, for God’s sake. I told you the last time I saw you what you need.

HOLDEN. You mean to go to a psychoanalyst and all?

STORYTELLER. That’s what he’d told me I ought to do. His father was a psychoanalyst and all.

LUCE. It’s up to you, for God’s sake. It’s none of my goddam business what you do with your life.

HOLDEN. Supposing I went to your father. What would he do to me? I mean what would he do to me?

LUCE. He wouldn’t do a goddam thing to you. He’d simply talk to you, and you’d talk to him, for God’s sake.

STORYTELLER. I put my hand on his shoulder. Boy, he amused me.

HOLDEN. You’re a real friendly bastard. You know that?

LUCE. (looking at his wrist watch) I have to tear. (stood up) Nice seeing you. Bartender! my check.

HOLDEN. Hey. Did your father ever psychoanalyze you?

LUCE. Me? Why do you ask?

HOLDEN. No reason. Did he, though? Has he?

LUCE. Not exactly. He’s helped me to adjust, but an extensive analysis hasn’t been necessary. Why do you ask?

HOLDEN. No reason. I was just wondering.

LUCE. Well. Take it easy. (He was leaving his tip and he was starting to go)

HOLDEN. Have just one more drink. Please. I’m lonesome as hell. No kidding.

LUCE. I can't. I am late now. (he left)

STORYTELLER. Old Luce. He was strictly a pain in the ass, but he certainly had a good vocabulary.


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