I. JOKES
BABY BEGINS TO SPEAK
"I've had a dreadful day," the wife complained to her husband. "First the baby cut his first tooth, then he took his first step, and then he fell and knocked out his first tooth."
"Well, and then what happened?" asked the husband.
"Oh, darling," the wife answered in a shocked voice, "he said his first word."
TRANSLATION
Bobby had a hard time pronouncing his "Rs", so the teacher gave him this sentence to learn: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the rib for roasting the rabbit so rare."
A few days later she asked Bobby to repeat the sentence. He rose and said: "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side for not doing the bunny well."
SAME THING
A blushing girl handed the telegraph clerk a message to a boyfriend containing only his name, address, and one word "Yes."
"You can send five more words for the same price," said the clerk helpfully.
"Yes, I know," replied the girl, "but don't you think I'd look too eager if I said the same thing six times?"
STAND BACK
"I don't know what to do about my son. He says he wants to be a racing motorist," the father said.
"If that's the case, you'd better not stand in his way," advised a friend.
TALKING DOGS
A circus owner decided to create a sensation by showing a dog who could speak English. Then he thought better of it and advertised two English-speaking dogs in one number.
At the first night performance the excited owner stood with the trainer behind the scenes. Two dogs were brought on to the arena where they began staring at each other with great animosity.[3] The nervous circus owner asked the trainer: "Why, they seem not to like each other at all? Will they be able to speak?"
"They are not on speaking terms tonight," commented the trainer.
CANT SAY "YES"
"Why don't you marry her?"
"She has a slight impediment[4]."
"How sad, what is it?" "She can't say 'yes'."
ISAAC NEWTON'S DINNER
Isaac Newton was often so deeply interested in difficult problems that he became quite absent-minded. One day a gentleman came to see him, but he was told that Sir Isaac Newton was busy in his study and that nobody was allowed to disturb him.
As it was dinner-time, the visitor sat down in the dining-room to wait for the scientist. The servant came in and placed on the table a boiled chicken under a cover. An hour passed, but Newton did not appear. The gentleman, feeling hungry, ate the chicken, and covering up the skeleton, asked the servant to prepare another one for his master.
Before the second chicken was ready, however, the scientist entered the room, apologizing for his delay. Then he added: "As I feel rather tired and hungry, I hope you will excuse me a little longer, while I take my dinner, and then I will be at your service." With these words he lifted the cover, and without emotion turned round to the gentleman and said: "See what a strange set we scientists are! I quite forgot that I had dined already."
At this moment the servant brought in the other chicken. The visitor explained how matters stood. After a hearty laugh, the hungry scientist sat down to dine.
QUITE ENOUGH
When Erich Remarque, the well-known German novelist was still a young man, he was once introduced to an American girl who was travelling in Germany. Speaking in German, the girl asked Remarque why he had never visited the United States. His answer was that he couldn't speak English. In fact, he knew only four sentences, he said.
"What are those sentences?" asked the girl, much interested.
Speaking slowly, with a strong German accent, the writer said: "How do you do? I love you. Forgive me. Ham and eggs, please."
"Why," cried the girl, "with these sentences you could tour the United States from Maine to California."
TOO GREAT A MAJORITY
Bernard Shaw's gift of ready wit is well illustrated by the story of how he turned the laugh against a member of the public who was expressing disapproval of one of his plays.
It was the first night of "Arms and the Man", a play which had a very good reception from a crowded house. When the curtain fell at the end of the last act there was tremendous applause, accompanied by insistent call for the author to appear. One man in the gallery was whistling thus expressing his disapproval.
Bernard Shaw appeared before the curtain, waited in silence until the end of the applause. Then, looking up at that critic, he said: "I quite agree with you, Sir, but what can we two do against all these people?"
MARK TWAIN'S LECTURE
Once a literary club invited Mark Twain to give a lecture. Before the lecture one of the members of the club came to him and said:
"Mr. Twain, people say that you can tell very funny stories. I hope that during your lecture you will tell a story that will make my uncle laugh. He hasn't laughed for ten years."
"I'll do my best," Mark Twain said.
When he began his lecture, Mark Twain noticed the club member. He was sitting in front of him with an old man who had a very sad face.
Mark Twain began to tell jokes, one after another. "I told long jokes and short jokes, new jokes and old jokes," Mark Twain told his friends. "I told every joke in my memory, and soon everybody was laughing. Everybody — but not the old man. He continued to look at me with his cold, blue eyes. I was ashamed to think that I couldn't make him laugh, and I tried again and again. But nothing helped..."
After the lecture, the club member came to Mark Twain and said, "Thank you, Mr. Twain. I have never heard so many very funny stories."
"They weren't funny enough for your uncle," Mark Twain answered. "He didn't even smile."
"I know," the man said. "I told you that he hasn't laughed for ten years. But I didn't tell you that he hasn't heard anything for ten years. He is deaf."
JJJ
Jack was young, rich, and fond of girls. He hardly ever did any work, and spent most of his time enjoying himself.
One summer he bought a big motor-boat. As soon as it was ready to go to sea, he telephoned to one of the girls he had met somewhere, and invited her for a trip in his new motor-boat. It was the first of many successful invitations of this kind.
The way Jack used to invite a girl for a trip in his boat was like this: he would begin by saying, "Hullo, Laura (or whatever the girl's name was). I have just bought a beautiful new motor-boat, and I would like to take you out for a trip in it."
The girl's answer was usually cautious, because everybody in that part of the country knew Jack's reputation with girls. She would say something like this: "Oh, really? That's nice. What name have you given to the boat?"
Jack would then answer, "Well Laura, I have named it after you."
Of course, the girl would feel very proud that Jack had chosen her name for the boat out of the names of all his many girl-friends, and she would think that Jack must really love her. She would therefore be quite willing to accept his invitation to go for a trip in his motor-boat.
It would not be until she got down to the harbour and actually saw the boat that she would understand how cleverly Jack had tricked her. Because there in neat gold letters on the boat she would see its name — 'After You'.
JJJ
A man was tired of living in his old house in the country and wanted to sell it and buy a better one. He attempted to sell it for a long time, but was not successful, so at last he decided to solve the problem by using an estate agent.
The agent promptly advertised the house, and a few days later, the owner saw a very attractive photograph of it, with a wonderful description of its gardens, in an expensive magazine.
After the house owner had read the advertisement through, he hastened to telephone the estate agent and said to him, "I'm sorry, Mr. Jones, but I've decided not to sell my house after all. After reading your advertisement in that magazine, I can see that it's just the kind of house I've wanted to live in all my life."
JJJ
Jean was a very beautiful young girl, so she was quite used to some men showing their admiration for her, and to others being confused and shy when they saw her.
One summer, when Jean was travelling abroad, she went into a cafe in a small town, sat down and waited to be served.
The young waiter was talking to someone at the bar when she came in, and at first he did not pay any attention to her, because he had not looked at her properly. Then he turned round and saw how beautiful she was. His face went bright red, and he hurried over to take her order.
"I'd like coffee without cream, please," Jean said.
The waiter hurried out, and came back a few minutes later without the coffee.
"I'm very sorry," he said, "but we haven't got any cream. Would you like your coffee without milk?"
JJJ
April 1st is a day on which, in some countries, people try to play tricks on others. If one succeeds in tricking somebody, one laughs and says, "April Fool!", and then the person who has been tricked usually laughs too.
One April 1st, a country bus was going along a winding road when it slowed down and stopped. The driver anxiously turned switches and pressed buttons, but nothing happened. Then he turned to the passengers with a worried look on his face and said, "This poor bus is getting old. It isn't going as well as it used to. There's only one thing to do if we want to get home today. I shall count three, and on the word 'three', I want you all to lean forward suddenly as hard as you can. That should get the bus started again, but if it doesn't, I am afraid there is nothing else I can do. Now, all of you lean back as far as you can in your seats and get ready."
The passengers all obediently pressed back against their seats and waited anxiously.
Then the driver turned to his front and asked, "Are you ready?"
The passengers hardly had enough breath to answer, "Yes."
"One! Two! Threel" counted the driver. The passengers all swung forward suddenly and the bus started up at a great rate.
The passengers breathed more easily and began to smile with relief. But their smiles turned to surprised and then delighted laughter when the driver merrily cried, "April Fool!"
JJJ
Mr Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found that all of them had already been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is reserved for proper load balance. Thank you." Mr. Robinson had never seen such a notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in its baggage room which made it necessary to have the passengers properly balanced, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three other people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on. Then, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl stepped into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside him and in this way succeeded in having the company of the girl during the whole of the trip.
JJJ
A gay young man, who earned his living as a drummer in a band, had just married, and he and his wife were looking for somewhere to live. They saw a lot of places, but there was always something that one of them did not like about them. At last, however, they found a block of new flats which both of them really liked. However, there was still the problem of whether they should take one of the ground-floor flats, which had a small garden, or one of the upstairs ones.
At last they decided on a first-floor flat — not too low down and not too high up — and moved in. After they had bought furniture, carpets, curtains, and all the rest, they gave a big party to celebrate the setting up of their first home together.
It was a gay and noisy party, as all the host's friends from the band came and played their instruments. The guests danced, sang and practised on their host's drums.
Soon after one a.m. the telephone rang. The hostess went to answer it in the hall, and after she had finished, came back with a happy smile on her face and said to her husband, "That was the man who has just moved into the flat downstairs telephoning, dear. I am so glad we decided not to choose it. He says it is terribly noisy down there."
Mr and Mrs Davies had left their Christmas shopping very late. There were only a few days more before Christmas, and of course the shops and streets were terribly crowded, but they had to get presents for their family and friends, so they started out early one morning for the big city and spent several tiring hours buying the things they wanted in the big shops.
By lunch-time, Mr Davies was loaded down with parcels of all shapes and sizes.He could hardly see where he was going as he and his wife left the last shop on their way to the railway station and home. Outside the shop they had to cross a busy street, made even busier than usual by the thousands of people who had come by car to do their last-minute Christmas shopping.
Mr and Mrs Davies had to wait for the traffic lights to change, but as Mr Davies could not see in front of him properly, he gradually moved forward into the road without realizing it. Mrs Davies saw this and became worried. Several times she urged her husband to come back off the road but without success. He could not hear her because of the noise of the traffic.
Finally she shouted in a voice that could he heard clearly above all the noise, "Henry! If you intend to stand in that dangerous position a moment longer, give me the parcels!"
II. TALES
THE COUNTRY MOUSE AND THE CITY MOUSE
Once upon a time a city mouse visited his cousin in the country. The country mouse shared his simple but wholesome food. Peas, barley, corn, tasty roots were stored in the mouse's home in the field — and another store of food in the big farmer's barn — for when it rained.
"I find the country-side charming," the city mouse said to this open-hearted cousin, "but your food is so plain, and your home quite dreary."
"Do come to the city and live with me; we shall play in my luxurious home — and will have a banquet each day — all the delicacies your heart desires."
So they left the blossoming green country-side to the busy, yes, even frightening city. The noise, the traffic, the hurrying, bustling crowds jostling each other was almost too much for the simple country mouse.
"Here we are at last," said the sophisticated city mouse as they entered into a huge towering mansion.
The house was elegant... chandeliers, deep carpets, plush furniture — and a pantry that was full of the very best food ever seen. Swiss cheese, salty bacon, delicious fruits, colorful vegetables, jellies and fresh bisquits — all were there, ready to eat.
Hungry from their long journey, the city mouse and the country mouse began their feast, tasting one mouth-watering bit of food after another.
Suddenly a heavy door slammed, loud footsteps of big boots were heard — the threatening deep purr of an angry cat chilled the air.
"What was that?" the country mouse stuttered.
"Oh, that is the master with his big Siamese cat."
"Good-bye, cousin," the country mouse squealed as he leaped through the hole in the pantry wall. "I'm going back to the meadow in the country. I prefer to live with the woods, the tall mountains and the fresh gurgling streams rather than in your exciting city."
The Moral
A simple meal eaten in peace is better than a banquet eaten in fear and trembling.
THE FOX AND THE GRAPES
One hot summer day the fox hunted for miles and miles without seeing a bird, a rabbit, or even a tiny mouse. In the heat of the noonday sun he looked for a shady glen in which to rest his dusty, tired feet.
"Oh, I'd like a cool, cool drink, or some delicious fruit with which to quench my thirst," said the fox, as his tongue hung from his parched jaws.
Ahead a green garden loomed — as fresh and sparkling as could be. On a white trellis hung the most fragrant, luscious grapes he had ever seen.
Round and purple — the large grapes hung in heavy clusters — just the very thing for his noon refreshment.
Standing very tall upon his hind legs, the fox could not reach the sweet, juicy grapes.
Then taking a running start, the fox leaped high into the air — and with wide jaws snapped at the lowest bunch of grapes.
He missed! He didn't jump high enough even for the lowest cluster.
The fox tried again and again — and still again. He missed each time. Now he was so weary and even more thirsty that he turned away.
With his bushy tail high in the air, he left the garden; he grumbled, "Sour grapes, just sour grapes, I didn't want them anyway."
The Moral
Only a fool will despise what he cannot get for himself.
LITTLE RED RIDING-HOOD
Once upon a time there was a little girl who was very pretty and very good. Her mother and her grandmother loved her dearly. Her grandmother made her a warm red cloak with a hood and everyone called her Little Red Riding-Hood.
One day her mother made some cakes and said to her: "Go to your grandmother's house. She has not been well. Take her the cakes, and some milk and butter".
So Little Red Riding-Hood went at once to see her grandmother, who lived in another village.
She walked through the woods and met a big wolf on her way. He wanted to eat her right away, but he was afraid of the woodcutters. They were working somewhere nearby. But he asked her where she was going. The little girl did not know it was dangerous to talk to a wolf, so she said:
"I am going to my grandmother, to take her some cakes, some milk and a little butter. My grandmother is not very well."
"Does she live far?" asked the wolf.
"She lives in the village. You can see it from here. Her house is the first house in the village."
The wolf said nothing. But he decided to run fast and get to the house before Little Red Riding-Hood.
The wolf got there quickly and knocked at the door.
"Who is there?" asked the grandmother.
"Little Red Riding-Hood, granny dear", said the wolf. He made his voice as soft as he could.
The grandmother was in bed. She called out: "Pull the string, my dear, and the door will open".
The wolf pulled the string. He ran up to the bed and swallowed the poor woman up. He was very, very hungry.
He did not feel very well after such a heavy dinner. He put on one of grandmother's caps and got into her bed.
By and by Little Red Riding-Hood came and knocked at the door.
"Who is there?" asked a rough voice.
The little girl was frightened. But she thought her granny had a cold. She answered:
"It is me, Little Red Riding-Hood. I have brought you some cakes, a little butter and some milk. My Mother sent it".
The "wolf made his voice as soft as he could and said: "Pull the string, my dear, and the door will open."
Little Red Riding-Hood did as she was told. Then she put her basket on the table and went up to her grandmother. She thought her grandmother looked very strange. She said:
"Granny, dear, what long arms you have!"
"They help me to hug you better, my child!"
"Oh, granny! What great ears you have!"
"They help me to hear you better, my child!"
"Granny, dear! What great eyes you have!"
"They help me to see you better, my child!"
"Oh! granny, granny! What great teeth your have!"
"They will help me to eat you, my child!"
And the bad wolf jumped out of bed and caught Little Red Riding-Hood.
The little girl cried out for help. At that very moment the woodcutters were going by. They rushed in, saved the little girl, and killed the wolf. When they opened him up, what do you think they found inside him? The grandmother! She was alive, but very frightened. You see, the wolf had swallowed her all in one piece!
ONCE UPON A TIME
Once upon a time a little girl went into a wood near her Father's palace. She was a little Princess. She sat down near a pool of cool, clear water. She began to throw a golden ball in the air. Then she caught it, as it fell. Suddenly the ball fell into the pool.
The Princess began to cry bitterly. "Oh! oh!", she said, "I would give everything I have to get my golden ball back".
All of a sudden a big green frog stuck its head out of the pool and asked: "Why do you cry so bitterly, pretty little girl?"
"My golden ball has fallen into the pool", said the Princess, "And I cannot get it. That is why I am crying".
"I heard you said that you will give everything you have to get your golden ball", said the frog in its froggy voice. "I do not want anything from you. But if you will take me to live with you in the palace, I will bring you your golden ball. You will also let me eat from your gold plate and sleep on your little white bed".
The Princess looked at the frog. "What a silly frog!" she thought. "It cannot get out of the pool. It cannot climb up the steps of the palace. But, maybe, it can bring me my golden ball, so I shall promise him everything he wants." And she said to the frog:
"If you bring me my golden ball you can come and live at the palace".
The frog jumped at once into the water. Then it came back with the golden ball in its mouth. It put the ball on the ground and the Princess picked it up. She was very happy. She ran home very fast. She did not even say "Thank you" to the frog.
Next day, when the Princess was having dinner, she heard a funny noise 'flop', 'flop', 'flop', then a funny voice said:
"Beautiful Princess, open your door.
I shall come in and go out no more.
Have you forgotten the promise you made
By the clear, cool pool in the oak tree shade?"
The Princess ran to open the door. There, at her feet, sat the frog! She was so frightened when she saw it! It sat there, all fat and green, and tried to smile with its ugly mouth.
"Who is it, daughter?" asked the King. "What has frightened you so?"
"There is an ugly frog at the door," said the Princess, "and it wants to come in. Yesterday I dropped my golden ball in the pool and the frog got it for me. I told it that it could come and live here, and play with me. I did not think it would come."
The King listened carefully. Then he said: "People must never, never, break their word. They must always tell the truth. You must never break your word! Let the frog come in".
So the Princess opened the door. The frog came 'flop', 'flop', 'flop' into the room and up to her chair.
"I want to sit on the table near you", it said to the Princess in its froggy voice. "Put me there". The Princess picked the frog up and put it on the table. "Now", said the frog "push your plate close to me. I want to eat." The Princess pushed the plate close to the frog, and it began to eat. After dinner the frog said: "I am tired and I am sleepy. Carry me to your room and put me on your little white bed".
So the Princess took the frog in her fingers and carried it to her room. She put it on her little white bed and went to bed herself. Suddenly the frog came up quite close to her. The Princess was frightened. She cried out and pushed it away. It fell on the floor and then there was no more frog. In its place stood a nice young boy. He looked at her with grateful eyes.
"Who are you? Where is the frog?" cried the Princess.
"An old witch changed me into a frog, because she was angry with my Mother and Father. I had to be a frog, until a Princess allowed me to eat from her plate and rest on her bed. So now, thanks to you, I am free from the spell of the old witch".
The boy, who was a Prince, went back to his own country. Some years later, when the Princess grew up, he came to visit her with his Father and Mother. They married and lived happily together.
The Princess always remembered what her Father had told her: "People must never break their word". She taught her children to be kind to animals, to tell the truth always, and to never break their word.
THE BREMEN TOWN MUSICIANS
Once upon a time a man had a Donkey. The Donkey had served him well for many years, but now it was very old. The man began to think how he could get rid of the Donkey. The Donkey decided that he better leave his master and he ran away. He ran along the road to the town of Bremen.
"I shall be a town musician there", he thought.
Suddenly he saw a Dog lying by the side of the road.
"Why are you gasping?" asked the Donkey.
"Ah," replied the Dog, "every day now I grow older. I cannot hunt with my master any more. So he wants to get rid of me. I ran away and now I do not know how to earn my bread".
"Well," said the Donkey, "I am going to the town of Bremen. I shall be a town musician and play on the lute. Come along and beat the drums."
The dog thought it was a fine idea. So they went off together.
A little while later they saw a Cat in the middle of the road. It had a terribly sad face!
"Dear me," said the Donkey. "What has happened to you, old thing, to make you look so sad?"
"My mistress is angry that I do not want to catch mice any more. She says she will drown me. So I ran away. But now I do not know what to do."
"Come to Bremen with us", said the Donkey. "You are good at night music, so you can be a town musician, too."
So the Cat went with them.
The three future musicians soon came up to a farm. There they saw a Cock, sitting upon the gate. The Cock was crowing with all his might.
"What is the matter with you, Friend Cock?" asked the Donkey. "Why do you crow so loud?"
"My mistress has invited many people for dinner on* Sunday", said the cock sadly. "She has told the cook to make me into soup. So I crow as loud as I can now. Because after Sunday I will not crow any more!"
"Come along with us, Friend Cock", said the Donkey. "We are going to Bremen. Your fine voice is just what we need. We are going to be the town musicians".
The Cock was very pleased with the idea. So all four went along together. They stopped for the night in the forest.
The Donkey and the Dog lay down under a tree. The Cat climbed into the branches. The Cock flew right up to the top of the tree. From there he looked around and saw a light in the distance. He called out to his friends and told them they were not far from a house.
The Donkey said, "Let us go there. It is very cold out here in the forest".
They agreed and went towards the light. They soon came to a cottage; this was well-lighted and there was a lot of singing and laughing inside. The Donkey went up to the window and peeped in.
"What do you see, Gray-sides?" asked the Cock. "I see a table laid with meat and drinks. Around it the robbers are sitting and having a good time".
"That is just what we need", said the Cock.
"Oh! yes, I do wish we could he there", said the Donkey.
Then the musicians thought of a plan to frighten the robbers and make them go away.
The Donkey stood up on his hind legs and put his forefeet on the window-sill, the Dog climbed on his back, the Cat climbed on the Dog's back and the Cock flew up to the very top of the group and perched on the head of the Cat.
The Donkey brayed, the Dog barked, the Cat mewed, and the Cock crowed!
They made a terrific noise and finally broke the window panes and fell into the room.
The robbers were so frightened that they ran away into the forest. The four friends sat down at the table and ate up everything that was on it.
Then the Donkey lay down on some straw in the yard. The Dog went to sleep behind the door. The Cat made itself comfortable near the stove. The Cock flew up to the roof. They were all very tired and went to sleep very soon.
At midnight the robbers saw from the forest that the lights were out in their house. So the captain sent one of his men to examine the house.
The man entered the house and found everything quiet there. He went into the kitchen to light the stove. Then the Cat jumped at him, scratching and spitting. The man got terribly frightened and ran to the back door. The Dog that was lying there, sprang up and bit his leg. Then the man ran across the yard; he passed near the Donkey, and Gray-sides gave him a terrific kick. The Cock awoke and cried
"Cock-a-doodle-doo" as loud as he could.
The robber ran back to the Captain and said: "Master! there is a horrible thing in the house that spits and scratches. There is a man near the door, who cut my leg with a sharp knife. In the yard there is a great monster who beat me with a heavy stick. On the roof sits the judge, who called out 'Bring the rogue up, do!' So I ran as fast as I could".
Of course the robbers never went near the house again. This was just fine for the four town musicians of Bremen, who liked the house so much that they decided to live there always. And there they are still, as happy as they can be.
III. TEXTS
WASHINGTON
New York is a place to have fun. San Francisco is great for a holiday, but Washington is wonderful for tourists, because there are so many famous and historical places to see.
The best known building is the White House, home of American Presidents since 1800. The President works here, in the "Oval Office", but the White House is also a family home. The wife of John Adams, the first President to live here, used to dry her wet clothes in the East Room; President Truman had a piano next to his desk; and President Kennedy's children used to play under his office windows.
Next on the tourist's list is the Capitol. The 535 members of Congress meet here to discuss the nation's business. It is easy to get lost in this huge building, full of paintings and statues.
From the Capitol there is a magnificent view down the grassy Mall, and across a pool of water to the Lincoln Memorial. It looks like a beautiful walk, but you need a good pair of shoes because it is, in fact, a long, long way.
Most people know about the government buildings of Washington, but there are also some important museums. You can see all kinds of things, the dresses of Presidents' wives, the original Declaration of Independence, the largest blue diamond in the world, and the biggest elephant on record (stuffed, of course!)
{Welcome to Great Britain and the USA by E. Laird.)
NATIONAL LIFE
The United States' flag is called the "Stars and Stripes". It has thirteen red and white stripes and fifty white stars on a blue square. One star is for each state of the United States now, and the stripes are for the first thirteen states of the union.
There is a story that the first flag was a patchwork quilt made by a patriotic lady called Betsy Ross. The flag is also called the "Star-Spangled Banner", the name of the national anthem of the United States.
In the eighteenth century, America was a land of many flags. There were, for example, the ship of New Hampshire, the tree of Massachusetts and the anchor of Rhode Island. The Stars and Stripes first became the national flag after the Declaration of Independence, in 1776.
Americans enjoy their flag. They use the stars and stripes as a popular design on shirts, shoes, hats — anywhere and everywhere in fact. It is typical of American informality, and their love of bright, cheerful colours.
But Americans are patriotic too. Many of them think that America is the best, the first and the greatest nation in the world, and that their flag is the flag of freedom.
The Stars and Stripes stand by the President's desk. The flag hangs in every classroom in America, and every day school children salute it before the school day begins. And on July 4th, Independence Day, the Stars and Stripes are everywhere, on the streets, on houses, and in the big parades.
{Welcome to Great Britain and the USA by E. Laird.)
SHOPPING IN LONDON
London has many large department stores, which sell everything: shoes and shirts, paper and perfume, fur coats and frying pans. The most expensive department store is Harrods in Knightsbridge. You can buy almost anything in Harrods, and you know you're getting the best. Twice a year, in January and July, Harrods has a "sale". Some things are almost half price, and there are thousands of bargains. But on the first days of the sale the shop is very crowded. Some people stand and wait all night so that they can be first in the shop when it opens.
The smartest and most expensive shops are in Knightsbridge, but more people come to Oxford Street, London's most popular shopping centre. Most of the hundreds of shops sell clothes or shoes. The street is more than a mile long. There are several big department stores in Oxford Street. The best known are Selfridges, John Lewis and D. H. Evans.
Oxford Street has the most shops, but in some ways King's Road in Chelsea is more fun. This is where fashionable young Londoners buy their clothes in the many small "boutiques".
You can buy what you like in the big shops, but the small markets have a lot to offer too. There are several big street markets in London, and many small ones. Some markets open only one day a week. Go to the Portobello Road on Saturday, or to Petticoat Lane on Sunday. Covent Garden market is open every day. Come here for antiques, old clothes, hand-made jewellery and many other rather special things.
(Welcome to Great Britain and the USA by E. Laird.)
RESTAURANTS IN LONDON
British restaurants are not, unfortunately, famous for their good food. Too often, they offer only sausages and chips, fish and chips — chips with everything in fact! But there are some wonderful surprises in British cooking, especially the many delicious cakes and desserts, and the British certainly enjoy their food. There's a fantastic variety of restaurants of all nationalities in London.
Most British families only go to restaurants on special occasions, like birthdays, or wedding anniversaries. The restaurants best customers are businessmen, who meet in them to talk business in a relaxed atmosphere away from the telephone. They can eat what they like, because the company pays the bill! But when a boy and girl want to get to know each other better, they often go out to a restaurant together. After all, it's easier to talk in a quiet atmosphere, with soft music, wine and good food.
For visitors to London, eating out can be fun. Try Rules, in the West End! The traditional menu and decor are just like they were in Queen Victoria's day, a hundred years ago.
Or take a walk down the King's Road in Chelsea where there are dozens of small restaurants.
But if you want that special London feeling, go to the Ritz in Piccadilly for tea any afternoon at about half past four. Too expensive? Then try England's favourite food — fish and chips. Take it away and eat it where you like — in the park, on the bus, or while you walk down the street. That's what Londoners do!
{Welcome to Great Britain and the USA by E. Laird.)
ART FOR HEART'S SAKE (by Rude Goldberg)
"Here, take your juice," said Koppel, Mr. Ellsworth's servant and nurse.
"No," said Collis P. Ellsworth.
"But it's good for you, sir!"
"No!"
"The doctor insists on it."
"No!"
Koppel heard the front door bell and was glad lo leave the room. He found Doctor Caswell in the hall downstairs.
"I can't do a thing with him," he told the doctor." He doesn't want to take his juice. I can't persuade him to take his medicine. He doesn't want me to read to him. He hates TV. He doesn't like anything!"
Doctor Caswell took the information with his usual professional calm. This was not an ordinary case. The old gentleman was in pretty good health for a man of seventy. But it was necessary to keep him from buying things. His financial transactions always ended in failure, which was bad for his health.
"How are you this morning? Feeling better?" asked the doctor. "I hear you haven't been obeying my orders."
The doctor drew up a chair and sat down close to the old man. He had to do his duty. "I'd like to make a suggestion," he said quietly. He didn't want to argue with the old man.
Old Ellsworth looked at him over his glasses. The way Doctor Caswell said it made him suspicious. "What is it, more medicine, more automobile rides to keep me away from the office?" The old man asked with suspicion. "Not at all," said the doctor. "I've been thinking of something different. As a matter of fact I'd like to suggest that you should take up art. I don't mean seriously of course," said the doctor, "just try. You'll like it."
Much to his surprise the old man agreed. He only asked who was going to teach him drawing. "I've thought of that too," said the doctor "I know a student from an art school who can come round once a week. If you don't like it, after a little while you can throw him out." The person he had in mind and promised to bring over was a certain Frank Swain, eighteen years old and a capable student. Like most students he needed money. Doctor Caswell kept his promise.
LETTERS IN THE MAIL (by Erskine. Caldwell)
Almost everybody likes to receive letters. And perhaps nobody in Stillwater liked to get letters more than Ray Buffin. But unfortunately Ray received fewer letters in his box at the post-office than anybody else.
Guy Hodge and Ralph Barnhill were two young men in town who liked to play jokes on people. But they never meant anything bad. One afternoon they decided to play a joke on Ray Buffin. Their plan was to ask a girl in town to send Ray a love letter without signing it, and then tell everybody in the post-office to watch Ray read the letter: then somebody was to ask Ray if he had received a love letter from a girl. After that somebody was to snatch the letter out of his hand and read it aloud.
They bought blue writing paper and went round the corner to the office of the telephone company where Grace Brooks worked as a night telephone operator. Grace was pretty though not very young. She had begun working for the company many years ago, after she had finished school. She had remained unmarried all those years, and because she worked at night and slept in the daytime it was very difficult for her to find a husband.
At first, after Guy and Ralph had explained to her what they wanted to do and had asked her to write the letter to Ray, Grace refused to do it.
"Now, be a good girl, Grace, do us a favour and write the letter." Suddenly she turned away. She didn't want the young men to see her crying. She remembered the time she had got acquainted with Ray. Ray wanted to marry her. But she had just finished school then and had started to work for the telephone company: she was very young then and did not want to marry anybody. Time passed. During all those years she had seen him a few times but only a polite word had passed between them, and each time he looked sadder and sadder.
Finally she agreed to write the letter for Guy and Ralph and said that she would send it in the morning.
THE DOLL'S HOUSE (by Katherine Mansfield)
Days passed, and as more children saw the doll's house, the fame of it spread. It became the one subject of talk. The one question was, "Have you seen the Bumells' doll's house? Oh, isn't it lovely!" "Haven't you seen it? Oh, dear!"
Even the dinner hour was given up to talking about it. The little girls sat under the trees eating their lunch. While always, as near as they could get, sat the Kelveys, Else holding on to Lil, listening too.
"Mother," said Kezia, "can't I ask the Kelveys just once?"
"Certainly not, Kezia."
"But why not?"
"Run away, Kezia; you know quite well why not."
At last everybody had seen it except them. On that day they were all rather tired of the subject. It was the dinner hour. The children stood together under the trees, and suddenly, as they looked at the Kelveys eating out of their paper, always by themselves, always listening, they wanted to hurt them. Emmie Cole started the whisper.
"Lil Kelvey's going to be a servant when she grows up?'
"O-oh, how terrible!" said Isabel Burnell, looking Emmie in the eye.
Emmie swallowed in a very special way and looked at Isabel as she'd seen her mother do on those occasions.
"Its true —; it's true — it's true," she said.
Then Lena Logan's little eyes opened. "Shall I ask her?" she whispered.
"You're afraid to," said Jessie May.
"I'm not frightened," said Lena. Suddenly she gave a little cry and danced in front of the other girls. "Watch! Watch me! Watch me now!" said Lena. And slowly, dragging one foot, laughing behind her hand, Lena went over to the Kelveys.
Lil looked up from her dinner. She wrapped the rest quickly away. Else stopped eating. What was coming now?
"Is it true you're going to be a servant when you grow up, Lil Kelvey?" cried Lena at the top of her voice.
Dead silence. But instead of answering, Lil only gave her foolish smile. She didn't seem to object to the question at all. What a disappointment for Lena. The girls began to laugh., Lena couldn't bear that. She went forward. "Your father's in prison!" she cried hatefully.
This was such a wonderful thing to have said that the little girls rushed away together, deeply, deeply excited, wild with joy. Someone found a long rope and they began playing with it. And never did they play so happily as on that morning.
THE MAN WHO COULD WORK MIRACLES (by H. G. Wells)
Mr Maydig, a thin, excitable man with a long neck, was pleased when the young man asked to speak to him. He took him to his study, gave him a comfortable seat, and standing in front of a good fire asked Mr Fotheringay to state his business.
At first Mr Fotheringay found some difficulty in opening the subject. "You will hardly believe me, Mr Maydig —" and so on for some time. He tried a question at last, and asked Mr Maydig his opinion of miracles.
"You don't believe, I suppose," said Fotheringay, "that some common sort of person — like myself, for example — might have something strange inside him that made him able to do things by willpower."
"It's possible," said Mr Maydig. "Something of that sort, perhaps, is possible."
"If I may try with something here, I think I can show you by a sort of experiment," said Mr Fotheringay. "Now that tobacco pot on the table, for example. I want to know whether this is a miracle or not. Just half a minute, Mr Maydig, please."
He pointed to the tobacco pot and said, "Be a bowl of flowers."
The tobacco pot did as it was ordered.
Mr Maydig jumped violently at the change, and stood looking from Fotheringay to the flowers. He said nothing. Presently he leant over the table and smelt the flowers; they were fresh and very fine. Then he looked at Fotheringay again.
"How did you do that?" he asked.
Mr Fotheringay said, "I just told it — and there it is. Is that a miracle, or what is it? And what do you think is the matter with me? That's what I want to ask."
"It's a most extraordinary thing."
"And last week I didn't know that I could do things like that. It came quite suddenly. It's something strange about my will, I suppose, and that's all I can understand."
"Is that — the only thing? Could you do other things besides that?"
"Oh, yes!" said Mr Fotheringay. "Just anything." He thought a little, "Listen!" He pointed. "Change into a bowl of fish. You see that, Mr Maydig?"
"It's astonishing. I can't believe it. You are either a most extraordinary... But no —"
"I could change it into anything," said Mr Fotheringay. "Listen! Be a bird, will you?"
In another moment a blue bird was flying round the room and making Mr Maydig bend his head every time it came near him. "Stop there, will you?" said Mr Fotheringay; and the bird hung still in the air. "I could change it back to a bowl of flowers," he said, and after placing the bird on the table he worked that miracle. "I expect you will want your pipe soon," he said, and brought back the tobacco pot.
Mr Maydig had watched all these later changes with small cries, but no words. Carefully he picked up the tobacco pot, examined it, and put it back on the table. "Welll" was the only expression of his feelings.
THE MODEL MILLIONAIRE (by Oscar Wilde)
One morning, as he was on his way to Holland Park, where the Mertons lived, he went in to see a great friend of his, Alan Trevor. Trevor was a painter. Indeed, few people are not nowadays. But he was also an artist, and artists are rather rare. Personally he was a strange, rough fellow, with a spotted face and red, rough beard. However, when he took up the brush he was a real master, and his pictures were eagerly sought after. He had been very much attracted by Hughie at first, it must be admitted, entirely because of his personal charm. "The only people a painter should know," he used to say, "are people who are beautiful, people who are an artistic pleasure to look at, and restful to talk to. Men who are well-dressed and women who are lovely rule the world — at least they should do so." However, after he got to know Hughie better, he liked him quite as much for his bright, cheerful spirits, and his generous, careless nature, and had asked him to come to see him whenever he liked.
When Hughie came in he found Trevor putting the finishing touches to a wonderful life-size picture of a beggar-man. The beggar himself was standing on a raised part of the floor like a stage in a corner of the room. He was a dried-up old man with a lined face and a sad expression. Over his shoulder was thrown a rough brown coat, all torn and full of holes; his thick boots were old and mended, and with one hand he leant on a rough stick, while with the other he held out his ancient hat for money.
,"What an astonishing model!" whispered Hughie, as he shook hands with his friend.
"An astonishing model!" shouted Trevor at the top of his voice; "I should think so! Such beggars are not met with every day. Good heavens! What a picture Rembrandt would have made of him!"
"Poor old fellow!" said Hughie, "how miserable he looks! But I suppose, to you painters, his face is valuable."
THE COURTSHIP OF SUSAN BELL (by Anthony Trollope)
On the Thursday evening the drawing was finished. Not a word had been said about it in Aaron's presence, and he had gone on working in silence. "There," said he, late on Thursday evening, "I don't think that it will be any better if I go on for another hour. There, Miss Susan; there's another bridge. I hope that it will neither burst with the cold nor be destroyed by fire," and he sent it across the table with his fingers.
Susan's face was red when she smiled and took it up. "Oh, it is beautiful," she said. "Isn't it beautifully done, mother?" and then all the three got up to look at it, and all admitted that it was excellently done.
"And I am sure we thank you very much," said Susan after a pause.
"Oh, it's nothing," said he, not quite liking the word 'we'.
On the following day he returned from his work to Saratoga about noon. He had never done this before, and therefore no one expected that he would be seen in the house before the evening. On this occasion, however, he went straight there, and by chance both the widow and her elder daughter were out. Susan was there alone in charge of the house.
He walked in and opened the sitting-room door. There she sat, with her work forgotten on the table behind her, and the picture, Aaron's drawing, on her knees. She was looking at it closely as he entered, thinking in her young heart that it possessed all the beauties that a picture could possess.
"Oh, Mr Dunn," she said, getting up and holding the picture behind her dress.
"Miss Susan, I have come here to tell your mother that I must start for New York this afternoon and be there for six weeks, or perhaps longer."
"Mother is out," said she: "I'm so sorry."
"Is she?" said Aaron.
"And Hetta too. Dear me! And you will want dinner. I'll go and see about it."
Aaron began to swear that he could not possibly eat any dinner. He had had one dinner, and he was going to have another — anything to keep her from going.
"But you must have something, Mr Dunn," and she walked towards the door.
But he put his back to it. "Miss Susan, " said he, "I've been here nearly two months."
"Yes, sir, I believe you have," she replied, shaking in her shoes and not knowing which way to look.
"And I hope we have been good friends."
"Yes, sir," said Susan, hardly knowing what she was saying.
"I'm going away now, and it seems to be such a long time before I'll come back."
"Will it, sir?"
"Six weeks, Miss Susan!" and then he paused, looking into her eyes, to see what he could read there. She leant against the table, pulling to pieces a bit of cloth which she held in her hand; but her eyes were turned to the ground, and he could hardly see them.
"Miss Susan," he continued, "this is as good a time to speak as any other." He too was looking towards the ground, and clearly did not know what to do with his hands. "The truth is just this. I — I love you dearly, with all my heart. I never saw anyone I ever thought so beautiful, so nice, so good; — and what's more, I never shall. I'm not very good at saying things like this, I know; but I couldn't go away from Saratoga for six weeks and not tell you." And then he stopped. He did not ask for any love in return. He simply declared his feelings, leaning against the door.
LORD MOUNTDRAGO (by W. Somerset Maugham)
It was a quarter to six. Dr Audlin could remember no case which was stranger than that of Lord Mountdrago. For one thing it was strange because Lord Mountdrago was a clever and famous man. He was appointed Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs when still under forty years of age; now after three years in office, he had seen success. It was generally agreed that he was the cleverest man in his party. There was nothing to prevent Lord Mountdrago from continuing as Secretary for Foreign Affairs in many later governments.
Lord Mountdrago had many good qualities. He was clever and worked hard. He had travelled widely and spoke several languages well. He knew a great deal about other countries. He had courage and determination. He was a good speaker. He was a tall, goodlooking man, but perhaps rather too fat. At the age of twenty-four he had married a girl of eighteen whose father was a duke and whose American mother was very rich, so that he had a good position and wealth. He had two sons. He had, indeed, a great deal to make him a popular and successful man. He had, unfortunately, great faults.
He was very proud. For three hundred years the Lords Mountdrago had held the title and had married into the noblest families of England. Therefore he had no need to be proud of the title, but he was. He never missed an opportunity of telling others about it. He had beautiful manners when he wanted to show them, but he did this only with people whom he considered his equals. He was rude to his servants and his secretaries. The lower officials in the government offices feared and hated him. He knew that he was a great deal cleverer than most of the persons he worked with, and never hesitated to tell them so. He had no patience with the weaknesses of human nature. He felt himself born to command and was angry when people expected him to listen to their arguments or wished to hear the reasons for his decisions. He was terribly selfish. He had many enemies and thought of them with scorn. He knew no one who deserved his help or his pity. He had no friends. He was unpopular with his party because he was so proud; but he loved his country so much and managed affairs so well that they had to bear his pride. It was possible to do this because sometimes he could be quite charming. He could tell a good story; he could be natural and sensible. He could be the best company in the world, and you could forget that he had insulted you the day before and was quite able to insult you again.
IV. LECTURES
WHY USE GAMES? (by Julia Khan)
Characteristics of games
What is a game? Everyone feels intuitively that they know but definition is elusive. Perhaps we can say that, "A game is played when one or more players compete or co-operate for pay-offs according to a set of rules" (Jones 1986). Alternatively, "Gaming is competitive... rule-governed... goal-defined... Gaming has closure... gaming is engaging" (Rodgers 1981). The games of young children have their own special qualities: A true game is one that frees the spirit.. It allows of no cares but those fictitious ones engendered by the game itself... Play is unrestricted, games have rules. Play may merely be the enactment of a dream but in each game there is a contest governed by rules, which set up clearly defined goals. The achievement of these goals signals the end of the game. Games involve a contest either between players or between the players and the goal, and games should lead to having fun. Games are for playing, and this element of play is crucial.
Ground rules must be set for how games are played. The authority behind the rules and the contest lies in the game itself rather than with the player or teacher and the authority must be acknowledged if the game is to be played fairly. Children are usually very concerned with fairness and with preventing others from breaking the rules.
Children's games
Games are activities that children naturally and universally engage in. There is a certain timelessness in the pleasure children find in games and in how the nature of the games they play changes as they develop, ranging through fantasy, ritual, competition and luck.
Generations of children rediscover the same games and delight in playing them. Games may be seen as a route by which children come to terms with their social environment, presenting as they do a social situation which is firmly governed by rules but whose outcome is unknown. Piaget (1967) saw children's games as "the most admirable social institutions. The game of marbles for instance... contains an extremely complex system of rules... a code of laws, a jurisprudence of its own... If we wish to gain any understanding of child morality it is obviously with the analysis of such facts as these that we must begin. All morality consists in a system of rules..." It is of course not our present concern to explore morality but to remember that children play games, and to take account of these natural tendencies when developing teaching strategies for young learners.
LECTURE — Extract (by O'Connor)
Miss Tooley: How do you think we ought to start?
J. D.: My idea is this. Suppose we just say a few ordinary sentences. After that we'll go back again and notice how we've said them and what sort of tunes we've used, and then we'll try to make some clear and general rule about them.
Miss Tooley: Yes, that's a good idea. Now the first thing I said was this: "How do you think we ought to start?" I wonder if the listeners can hear the tune? "How do you think we ought to start?"
J. D.: You see, listeners, that sentence starts on a fairly high note and it continues on that same note until it reaches the word "ought". Just listen.
Miss Tooley: "How — How do you think we — How do you think we ought to start?"
J. D.: Like that, you see. The word "ought" is said on a slightly. lower note, and the sentence continues on that lower note until it gets to the very last syllable.
Miss Tooley: "How do you think we ought to start? How do you think we ought to start?"
J. D.: Again, you see, the word "start" is on a slightly lower note and not only that, it falls as you say it: "start — start".
Miss Tooley: Yes, it does. It falls right down to the bottom of my voice, listen: "How do you think we ought to start? How do you think we ought to start?"
J. D.: So the sentence is really in three parts, corresponding to the number of stressed syllables: "how", followed by four weak syllables; then "ought" followed by one weak syllable; and lastly, "start" followed by nothing at all.
Miss Too ley: How do you think we — ought to — start?
J. D.: We can make a good rule out of that. In sentences like this, the first stressed syllable and any weak, or unstressed syllables following it, are said on a fairly, high note; the second stressed syllable, and any more weak syllables after that, are said on a slightly lower note, and the same with the third, and the fourth, and so on, until you come to the last stressed syllable of all, which not only begins on a lower note than the previous one, but also falls right down until it can scarcely be heard at all. Well, now we must go back to the beginning, and see if our rule works for some of our other sentences.
V. POEMS
LITTLE ROBIN REDBREAST
Little Robin Redbreast sat upon a tree,
Up went Pussy-cat and down went he;
Down came Pussy-cat and away Robin ran;
Said littte Robin Redbreast, "Catch me if you can!"
Little Robin Redbreast jumped upon a wall;
Pussy-cat jumped after him, and almost had a fall.
Little Robin chirped and sang, and what did Pussy say?
Pussy-cat said "Mew" and Robin jumped away.
FOR WANT OF A NAIL
For want of a nail, the shoe was lost,
For want of the shoe, the horse was lost,
For want of the horse, the rider was lost,
For want of the rider, the battle was lost,
For want of the battle, the kingdom was lost,
And all for the want of a horse-shoe nail.
J J J
Every thing looks very grey,
In rain, rain, rain,
I love to see it hit the ground
And then bounce up again.
J J J
Good, better, best,
Never rest,
Till good be better
And better best.
J J J
"Tick", the clock says,
"Tick, tick, tick",
What you have to do, do quick,
Time is gliding fast away
Let us act and act today.
J J J
The moments fly — a minute's gone,
The minutes fly — an hour is run,
The day is fled — the night is here,
Thus flies a week, a month, a year.
J J J
One, two, three, four,
Mary at the cottage door,
Five, six, seven, eight,
Eating cherries off a plate.
J J J
Hickory, Dickory Dock
The mouse ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
The mouse ran down,
Hickory, Dickory Dock.
J J J
Diddle, Diddle, Dumpling, my son John,
Went to bed with his trousers on;
One shoe off and one shoe on,
Diddle, Diddle, Dumpling, my son John.
J J J
Hey diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon;
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And dish ran away with the spoon.
J J J
Old Mother Hubboard
Went to the cupboard,
To get her poor doggy a bone;
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor doggy got none.
J J J
Goosey, goosey gander,
Where do you wander?
Upstairs and downstairs,
And in my lady's chamber,
Where I met an old man,
Who wouldn't say his prayers —
I took him by the left leg,
And threw him down the stairs.
J J J
Little boy blue,
Дата добавления: 2015-11-26; просмотров: 76 | Нарушение авторских прав